...Again!!
Her chosen weapon this time is a mop and her newest concoction for cleaning the floors.
Lavender, which I am highly allergic too (if your remember she gave me lavender tea in the last attempt) is supposedly anti-bacterial. She read a blip in a paper somewhere about this handy 'green clean' and now the house floors are being doused with a healthy dose of lavender oil mixed with some other environment friendly detergent.
My throat is closing up...
My eyes are getting blurry...
I can't breathe...
Blondes need fresh air!!!
10.05.2008
Rednecks and Roadkill
are driving me mad!!!
First of all, there are more than one Maudie's around town. You don't have to eat at mine. Find one in your area!!
I don't want rednecks mucking up my good living.
I don't need to hear one more comment from some fat husband with his fat wife say something about me or my fashion choices!!
You who understand little more than dungarees and flip flops need to hide your ignorance and stay in your neck of the woods.
And another thing!!
While you are driving in my part of town, I would appreciate a little common decency when it comes to respecting deer and other animals that cross the road. Is it so hard for you to wait 2 minutes to make sure all the deer have crossed instead of barreling through them, like the pins at your bowling ally, in your obnoxious Ford Excursion.
Keep your beer gutting, gas guzzling, style lacking, country backward thinking, global warming, roadkill accumulating arse holes on your side of town!!!!!
And that goes for the men, too!!!
Blondes want a brake for animals!!
First of all, there are more than one Maudie's around town. You don't have to eat at mine. Find one in your area!!
I don't want rednecks mucking up my good living.
I don't need to hear one more comment from some fat husband with his fat wife say something about me or my fashion choices!!
You who understand little more than dungarees and flip flops need to hide your ignorance and stay in your neck of the woods.
And another thing!!
While you are driving in my part of town, I would appreciate a little common decency when it comes to respecting deer and other animals that cross the road. Is it so hard for you to wait 2 minutes to make sure all the deer have crossed instead of barreling through them, like the pins at your bowling ally, in your obnoxious Ford Excursion.
Keep your beer gutting, gas guzzling, style lacking, country backward thinking, global warming, roadkill accumulating arse holes on your side of town!!!!!
And that goes for the men, too!!!
Blondes want a brake for animals!!
10.03.2008
Cat-astrophe
OK, so I found crack cat and I have to say the reverse mohawk does look silly. I would be embarrassed, too. I guess some things really should be left to a professional.
Live and learn!
I guess Crack Cat was trying to hide his hairless predicament from his posse and went underneath the poolside decking and couldn't get back out.
We looked for him for 2 days. You think he would be hungry enough to cry multiple times and to everyone who was calling him...but NO.
He wouldn't answer me!
Still holding a chip on his shoulder!!
The other cats were awfully quiet yesterday accept for some chuckling from Sophie but that could have been gas; she scarfed down a twinkie she found in the bottom cabinet where there cat food is kept. When asked if they had seen Crack cat...all of them kept a poker face. Something is up. They may have tried to bury Crack cat alive.
This is still under investigation!
Around midnight, we heard a faint cry and rushed to the pool to find Crack cat stuck under the deck. We had to tear up a couple of planks to free the dumb pratt from his shallow grave.
He refused to look at me and promptly went upstairs to the garage to pee.
Yes folks, my gay crack head cat refused to pee outside of his litter box. He couldn't possibly bring himself to pee on the dirt, underneath the deck, where he got stuck no matter how many days he was holding it. The prima donna couldn't chance peeing on himself and the little bit of fur he has left on his belly.
This morning he still refuses to look at me!
I don't think he will let me remedy the situation with a poochie sweater.
The snickering from the other cats and myself have died down. Now the task of figuring out which one was responsible for trying to bury Crack cat alive, is on way.
Someone is paying for the deck with a tail!
Blondes hate bad haircuts!!
Live and learn!
I guess Crack Cat was trying to hide his hairless predicament from his posse and went underneath the poolside decking and couldn't get back out.
We looked for him for 2 days. You think he would be hungry enough to cry multiple times and to everyone who was calling him...but NO.
He wouldn't answer me!
Still holding a chip on his shoulder!!
The other cats were awfully quiet yesterday accept for some chuckling from Sophie but that could have been gas; she scarfed down a twinkie she found in the bottom cabinet where there cat food is kept. When asked if they had seen Crack cat...all of them kept a poker face. Something is up. They may have tried to bury Crack cat alive.
This is still under investigation!
Around midnight, we heard a faint cry and rushed to the pool to find Crack cat stuck under the deck. We had to tear up a couple of planks to free the dumb pratt from his shallow grave.
He refused to look at me and promptly went upstairs to the garage to pee.
Yes folks, my gay crack head cat refused to pee outside of his litter box. He couldn't possibly bring himself to pee on the dirt, underneath the deck, where he got stuck no matter how many days he was holding it. The prima donna couldn't chance peeing on himself and the little bit of fur he has left on his belly.
This morning he still refuses to look at me!
I don't think he will let me remedy the situation with a poochie sweater.
The snickering from the other cats and myself have died down. Now the task of figuring out which one was responsible for trying to bury Crack cat alive, is on way.
Someone is paying for the deck with a tail!
Blondes hate bad haircuts!!
10.02.2008
Crack Heads Hate Bathing
...and my cat is no different.
After trying to intervene in my cat's nip use, I gave him a bath and shaved off his druggie knotted hair, after he frolicked in dirt and Gah knows what all night long.
You think he would be grateful for the buzz cut...less to lick!
Oh!
Oh....wait a minute.
Oh, now I got it!
Less to lick!
He is a male cat!
He likes to lick!!
He is mad at me!!
He is punishing me!!
Come on Crack Cat...come home!!
Come!
Please, Come!
Come, home!!
Blondes don't lick pussy. We don't understand!!!
After trying to intervene in my cat's nip use, I gave him a bath and shaved off his druggie knotted hair, after he frolicked in dirt and Gah knows what all night long.
You think he would be grateful for the buzz cut...less to lick!
Oh!
Oh....wait a minute.
Oh, now I got it!
Less to lick!
He is a male cat!
He likes to lick!!
He is mad at me!!
He is punishing me!!
Come on Crack Cat...come home!!
Come!
Please, Come!
Come, home!!
Blondes don't lick pussy. We don't understand!!!
10.01.2008
I am not a Player
I love men that clearly state what they aren't on internet dating sites. It makes it easier for me to know exactly what they are.
I am not a player!!, he states.
Of course you aren't darling.
Your just relationship challenged.
And, I am not a real Blonde!!
I am actually a brunette who bleaches her hair killing any brain cells that allows me to filter out bull dung!!
I love men and their dungess!!
They can drive a thriving business with a brain fart, but they can't maneauver a simple curve in the road of personal life without driving into a ditch playing with a dumb stick that shifts into high gear with a drop of blood.
Maybe the cure for a dumb Blonde is a shot of the little chrimson to the cerebellum!!
Blondes don't rubberneck an accident waiting to happen!!
I am not a player!!, he states.
Of course you aren't darling.
Your just relationship challenged.
And, I am not a real Blonde!!
I am actually a brunette who bleaches her hair killing any brain cells that allows me to filter out bull dung!!
I love men and their dungess!!
They can drive a thriving business with a brain fart, but they can't maneauver a simple curve in the road of personal life without driving into a ditch playing with a dumb stick that shifts into high gear with a drop of blood.
Maybe the cure for a dumb Blonde is a shot of the little chrimson to the cerebellum!!
Blondes don't rubberneck an accident waiting to happen!!
Blonde Moments 293 and 301
Blonde Moment 293
I am on the plane this morning trying to buckle in. The buckle was stuck over a screw down in the seat. I kept tugging apparently a little too close to the guy next to me. After innocently fondling his outer thigh a few times in attempt to get my seat buckle, he kindly removed his Ipod bud from his ear, reached down and grabbed the other end of the belt that was not stuck to the screw.
The other end had the buckle!!
Blonde Moment 301
When getting a 'to go' cup of coffee, I always forget to push back the lid part that covers the sipping hole. After several attempts of looking like a blind fool trying to figure out why the coffee wasn't pouring into my mouth, a kind gentleman said...
"You might want to flip the cover back, makes it easier to drink"
Blondes can't hide their blind spots!!
I am on the plane this morning trying to buckle in. The buckle was stuck over a screw down in the seat. I kept tugging apparently a little too close to the guy next to me. After innocently fondling his outer thigh a few times in attempt to get my seat buckle, he kindly removed his Ipod bud from his ear, reached down and grabbed the other end of the belt that was not stuck to the screw.
The other end had the buckle!!
Blonde Moment 301
When getting a 'to go' cup of coffee, I always forget to push back the lid part that covers the sipping hole. After several attempts of looking like a blind fool trying to figure out why the coffee wasn't pouring into my mouth, a kind gentleman said...
"You might want to flip the cover back, makes it easier to drink"
Blondes can't hide their blind spots!!
9.29.2008
700 Billion Dollars
...should include a little something, something for the Blonde!!
I may not be able to cure the economy but after the party, you will be too hungover and too satisfied to care!!
AirForce One with a Bush Bobblehead saying,
"This way to the party" ...$190 million
Constitutional Sized Margarita machines ...$40 million
Congressional Wiggle Jello Shots..$10 million
Bipartisan DJ's ...$25 million
Giant Strobe Light from NASA ...$435 million
Not remembering where we left the economy...priceless!!
Blondes don't like to bail!!
I may not be able to cure the economy but after the party, you will be too hungover and too satisfied to care!!
AirForce One with a Bush Bobblehead saying,
"This way to the party" ...$190 million
Constitutional Sized Margarita machines ...$40 million
Congressional Wiggle Jello Shots..$10 million
Bipartisan DJ's ...$25 million
Giant Strobe Light from NASA ...$435 million
Not remembering where we left the economy...priceless!!
Blondes don't like to bail!!
9.28.2008
I am not Dead
I am just not posting at the moment. Give me a day to download my new material..
I am a Gay Man in a Woman's Body
Texas Needs Babysitters, Seriously
..and I totally had a wicked Blonde Moment
all yours to read if you stick with me through this writing crisis!!!
Blondes hate being blocked in!!!
I am a Gay Man in a Woman's Body
Texas Needs Babysitters, Seriously
..and I totally had a wicked Blonde Moment
all yours to read if you stick with me through this writing crisis!!!
Blondes hate being blocked in!!!
9.25.2008
No Pay
Craigslist really needs to add a 'No Pay' sub-category to their site.
I know there must be a huge slew of folks wanting to spend their gas money driving to and fro from a job that offers absolutely no benefit except for a pat on the back and all the junk food you can scarf down to help you ruin a girlish figure.
I worked for free on several indie shorts, and in the spirit of paying back the favor, I should offer free advertising on my blog. But really, didn't I already provide them a favor?! We're even!
Unless your an actor or actress, or are an integral part of a lighting crew, or man a camera, or building references; playing PA on a film has no real pay out. You won't work yourself up the corporate ladder making sure the lunch is set.
I could be wrong? The head of MGM just might like the way you slather mayo on his BLT, in one smooth stroke, enough to think you would be an asset in his business development office as a schmoozer.
The jobs that are offered for free aren't ones that warrant any respect nor any tutelage other than what you can gather on your own by standing around and listening from a distance of 20ft. away. Being a lowly PA does not warrant being up close and personal with the director, no matter how unfamous he is or will remain to be.
I learned that even on little sets that produce little movies with little budgets, big heads exist!!
If you really want to learn how films are done, take some classes in film or better yet, hire an excellent crew, who know what they are doing, and just become a Director!
As far as being a PA...from what I know, taking out the trash doesn't do anything for anyone's career unless they are a janitor!!
Blondes are worth every dime!!
I know there must be a huge slew of folks wanting to spend their gas money driving to and fro from a job that offers absolutely no benefit except for a pat on the back and all the junk food you can scarf down to help you ruin a girlish figure.
I worked for free on several indie shorts, and in the spirit of paying back the favor, I should offer free advertising on my blog. But really, didn't I already provide them a favor?! We're even!
Unless your an actor or actress, or are an integral part of a lighting crew, or man a camera, or building references; playing PA on a film has no real pay out. You won't work yourself up the corporate ladder making sure the lunch is set.
I could be wrong? The head of MGM just might like the way you slather mayo on his BLT, in one smooth stroke, enough to think you would be an asset in his business development office as a schmoozer.
The jobs that are offered for free aren't ones that warrant any respect nor any tutelage other than what you can gather on your own by standing around and listening from a distance of 20ft. away. Being a lowly PA does not warrant being up close and personal with the director, no matter how unfamous he is or will remain to be.
I learned that even on little sets that produce little movies with little budgets, big heads exist!!
If you really want to learn how films are done, take some classes in film or better yet, hire an excellent crew, who know what they are doing, and just become a Director!
As far as being a PA...from what I know, taking out the trash doesn't do anything for anyone's career unless they are a janitor!!
Blondes are worth every dime!!
9.24.2008
Dear Parents
...of children under the age of 8.
Please understand that restaurants are not daycares with drinks. Your children do not need to be running around, screaming and playing tag while you blissfully filter out the noise you are so used to hearing on a daily basis.
I and every other customer do not have this ability to ignore high pitched screeches from little girls as big brother pulls on their ponytail as they dash around our tables. Nor do we laugh when they knock into the table and spill our frozen margaritas making everything sticky.
I am not a babysitter nor a bathroom attendant in a dacyare pottie. I would appreciate you accompany your little ones to the lue. I realize its extremely fun to bat the toilet paper until it comes off the role, my cats love it too!! That is the very reason cats aren't allowed in restaurants; you can't control them. Their manners are atrocious. You can't teach a cat to be polite and act accordingly without them thwacking you with a claw and laughing hysterically at you.
On the other hand, parents can be taught!! Some parents need to learn that society is made up of everyone and being respectful of others is the first lesson in teaching proper social etiquette to their children.
If you want a night out with your family, shouldn't the family be together, at the same table, all sitting down, enjoying each other?!
Blondes just want a little social change!!
Please understand that restaurants are not daycares with drinks. Your children do not need to be running around, screaming and playing tag while you blissfully filter out the noise you are so used to hearing on a daily basis.
I and every other customer do not have this ability to ignore high pitched screeches from little girls as big brother pulls on their ponytail as they dash around our tables. Nor do we laugh when they knock into the table and spill our frozen margaritas making everything sticky.
I am not a babysitter nor a bathroom attendant in a dacyare pottie. I would appreciate you accompany your little ones to the lue. I realize its extremely fun to bat the toilet paper until it comes off the role, my cats love it too!! That is the very reason cats aren't allowed in restaurants; you can't control them. Their manners are atrocious. You can't teach a cat to be polite and act accordingly without them thwacking you with a claw and laughing hysterically at you.
On the other hand, parents can be taught!! Some parents need to learn that society is made up of everyone and being respectful of others is the first lesson in teaching proper social etiquette to their children.
If you want a night out with your family, shouldn't the family be together, at the same table, all sitting down, enjoying each other?!
Blondes just want a little social change!!
9.22.2008
PA is not for Pennsylvania
I am back in Austin working as a PA on an Indie Short.
I didn't realize that standing around all day trying to be quiet would be so exhausting!!
The Blonde will be back after a brief intermission!!
I didn't realize that standing around all day trying to be quiet would be so exhausting!!
The Blonde will be back after a brief intermission!!
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