7.10.2008

Politics and Port-a-Potties

both stink.....

I slept with all the candidates after each one promised to be the best lay I ever had.

Promises

Promises

Promises

Hillary sucked at oral

John had no rhythm

and

Barack didn't know what to do with his hands


No way I am getting an orgasm out of any of these guys. The only way for this Blonde to achieve a political climax is to put fresh batteries in a vibrator and call it a day!!


So why on earth would I want to end my evening talking about a bunch of bad lays.

I have more important issues to deal with in this country, such as getting a bill passed that port-a-potties at live music venues should be required to have hand sanitizer!!


Blondes wash their hands of the whole affair!!!

7.08.2008

Another Blonde's Moment

Bad Blonde Joke
Officially
Removed

Impossibly Possum


My pets have a pet.

Those freak felines brought a possum home and have been hiding it in the garage.

They have been feeding it leftovers.

On one hand I applaud their humanity, on the other hand, it is not at all pleasant a notion to find a rabid beast lurking near the food bowl.

I don't care how cute it is!!

Looking at me with those beady eyes!

Cats are not supposed to have pets!

I don't care what you do with him but he cannot stay here.

You can't have a pet!


Tell it to stop looking at me like that!

Stop it!!



Blondes are not animal control!!!

Lactose Intolerant Darling...

I don't do 'cheesy hotels'!!


May I ask what would compel an older, not so fabulous looking to ask me to pay half my way?

Are you kidding?

I am an old fashion kinda girl and I believe the man should pay, especially when they are almost twice my age!!

I don't mind paying half my way to neutral ground. You bring your surf board and I will bring mine. But do not expect me to pay to come to your suburbia in the middle of nowhere and put me up in a Holiday Inn. Just because you present yourself as a sugar daddy and find women that try to take advantage of you doesn't mean you can take it out on me. I am not interested in your kind of distorted values.

A HOJOS's in suburbia?!!!

and for me to pay half?!

You are seriously loco dude.


But when you brag about spoiling a girl but rather take her shopping than pay for a plane ticket, and all you can talk about is how hot she must be and that double D's would be terrific and how good the sexual connection should be...

Pleeez!!

Oh, she should also be independent because you aren't looking to take care of the trophy.....

Blah, Blah, disgusting blah....



Go back to Sugardaddy.com and stay of my Match!!



Blondes hate cheap bologna!!!!

7.03.2008

Bra, braaa, braaahhh

You have no idea how cold it gets in the office until you forget to where a bra to work.

The Blonde is freezing and greeting clients in a whole new way!!!

Carma, Carma, Carma

is a biatch!!!

I have no idea why I deserved to be punished yesterday. I don't believe I have blown off enough men to warrant the amount of karma that came after me in form of epic car problemos.

I went to the Mean-Eyed Cat for a little R&R and to meet up with a handsome new thing.
I parked the car, left the top down, rolled the windows up, and pulled the key out of the ignition.

UH!!

That looks like only half a key!!

Where is the rest of my key?!

Look in my ignition!!

Frack!!

Go back inside, call Boo and Jesus to extract my key and make the world better while I totally ignore the issue and continue with my thing.

Boo and Jesus failed to extract the key and they took off to have Pho on Guadalupe. Being the ever so responsible Blonde that I am, I decided to deal with the car after my date. Why ruin a perfectly good evening on car trouble? Plus my date had a 1969 SS Camaro.

And y'all know how I love machismo in my cars.

Big Engine!!

Roarrrr!!!

MMmmm!!!!

Oh Yea!!!


Uh, Uh...where was I ...OH yes, yes..my car!!

My rag-top now needed a flat bed tow of which had to wait until the AM. I show up in the morning to see construction boot soles all over the back seat of my car. I guess the day labors thought they would get lucky. After all, I did leave half the key in the ignition.

I had the car towed to the house because apparently SAAB is on a national backorder of parts for five weeks and nothing can be done until that time. I did try eight locksmiths who all refuse to work on SAABs because of the microchip key or something.

Anyhoo,

I wash and condition the seats to get the thieving little feet marks off my car seat and I go inside to shower not worrying that the 98 degree heat and sunny disposition of the day could possibly rain.

I take a little nap.

I wake up to rain.

RAIN!!

RAIN!!

RAIN!!

I run outside and I am completely soaked by the time I get to my baby that is completely soaked too.

Frack!!

Frack!!!

Frack!!

I hang a tarp over the car until Boo comes over to manually pull the top up.

Top is up.

Rain stops.

I go pout on the porch not sure whether I want to cry or laugh.

Zanax would be awesome about now.

Pity party over.

Fine, I will drive the jag

Get in the jag

The Jag is dead...need to pop the trunk to recharge!!

Can't pop the trunk.

Dead battery and the valet key wont open it from the outside. Original key is safe and sound in my storage unit. Somewhere in the storage unit.


Frack!!!

Frack!!

Frack!!

Being the responsible thing that I am and its July 4th weekend. I will be purchasing a motorcycle until car problems are mysteriously solved on their own.

Do I want a red or yellow crotch rocket?

Hhmmm?


Blondes aren't the only thing that are high maintenance!!