What is it about Tuesday and old people grocery shopping? I don't think it was double coupon day, maybe it was? But for some odd reason Tuesday is the day the senior scooter crowd drives their Grand Marquis over to the local grocery store.
Geez Louise..I saw at least two grim reapers bagging groceries for the walking dust buckets today.
They walk too slow!
They can't reach for items on the top shelf.
They can't bend down to the bottom shelf.
They congregate around the sample plates.
They drive the scooter down the middle of the isle
and...
They write checks!!!
Mother, will you hurry up!!
UGHHH!!!!
Blondes will never get that old!!
4.09.2008
Time Crunch Campaign
I have found a way to be happy at work. I found myself something to do!!
I have started a little store on Ebay selling clothes that I find at thrift stores and goodwill and a few things of my own that I need to part with, like the clothes I buy because the fabric is too fantastic to pass up. I am a very tactile person!!
Not only am I productive at work, I get to shop without the guilt!!!
Anyhoo, I had to request time off of work for my trip to New York. I don't know why they think I am asking for the time off when I am really telling them I am taking the time off. Its not as if they say NO that I am going to not go--is that right? Sorry my proofreader is basking in the glory of the Fiji sun, shaded by exotic beauties.
Since I will be in New York anyway, I thought I might turn it into a little business adventure, in between the time I am not in between the sheets. I am going to dig through Filene's Basement until my fingers are nubs. I have decide that I really hate working for someone else and if I can become self sufficient reselling designer stock, my world will be golden like it used to be.
I don't have anytime to do things when I am on someone else's clock.
I can't get a mani or pedi or go the spa during the week which means I would have to wait till the weekend and then it is full of women..Ick. I can't do my shopping until later in the evenings when traffic has died down to a respectable level. I can't go to the bank, post office, or the mechanic. Do you see the headaches working for someone else causes? Gah!!!
If I am going to be forced work, I should at least be able to dictate my own time, not that I don't already. But, I get dirty looks for taking the extra time when I am on a lunch date and I don't need the stress of guilt. I shouldn't be forced to try and jam my lunch in one hour. I think people can't eat properly because they have to rush through their lunch and don't allow for proper digestion.
Its not fair that the little people have to fore go a relaxing lunch because they have errands they have to cram in an hour. Where is the logic in this? You can't get danything done in an hour with traffic and lights to consider. I say that once a week each employee should get a minimum of 3 hour lunch to attend to things that can not be done on a weekend or shouldn't have to be done on a weekend.
We all work hard during the week--well not me--but most of everyone does and they should relax on their time off!!
Vote for Me...The Blonde with a heart!!!
I have started a little store on Ebay selling clothes that I find at thrift stores and goodwill and a few things of my own that I need to part with, like the clothes I buy because the fabric is too fantastic to pass up. I am a very tactile person!!
Not only am I productive at work, I get to shop without the guilt!!!
Anyhoo, I had to request time off of work for my trip to New York. I don't know why they think I am asking for the time off when I am really telling them I am taking the time off. Its not as if they say NO that I am going to not go--is that right? Sorry my proofreader is basking in the glory of the Fiji sun, shaded by exotic beauties.
Since I will be in New York anyway, I thought I might turn it into a little business adventure, in between the time I am not in between the sheets. I am going to dig through Filene's Basement until my fingers are nubs. I have decide that I really hate working for someone else and if I can become self sufficient reselling designer stock, my world will be golden like it used to be.
I don't have anytime to do things when I am on someone else's clock.
I can't get a mani or pedi or go the spa during the week which means I would have to wait till the weekend and then it is full of women..Ick. I can't do my shopping until later in the evenings when traffic has died down to a respectable level. I can't go to the bank, post office, or the mechanic. Do you see the headaches working for someone else causes? Gah!!!
If I am going to be forced work, I should at least be able to dictate my own time, not that I don't already. But, I get dirty looks for taking the extra time when I am on a lunch date and I don't need the stress of guilt. I shouldn't be forced to try and jam my lunch in one hour. I think people can't eat properly because they have to rush through their lunch and don't allow for proper digestion.
Its not fair that the little people have to fore go a relaxing lunch because they have errands they have to cram in an hour. Where is the logic in this? You can't get danything done in an hour with traffic and lights to consider. I say that once a week each employee should get a minimum of 3 hour lunch to attend to things that can not be done on a weekend or shouldn't have to be done on a weekend.
We all work hard during the week--well not me--but most of everyone does and they should relax on their time off!!
Vote for Me...The Blonde with a heart!!!
4.07.2008
Oops, I did it again!!
I hurt an ex-boyfriends feelings. Apparently, its not funny to read the truth about yourself no matter how humorous the tone. I thought my blog entitled 'Dating Game'
was hysterical. Oh well, C'est la Vie.
Its not like we were getting back together anyway.
I find that once I break up with someone I can find absolutely no reason why I would ever attempt a second try. I can't seem to get past the polite phone conversation in an attempt to reconcile at least a friendship. They will try to be someone else; say they have changed or tell you everything you want to hear; even to the point of becoming the person they think you want them to be, but that is always short lived. In the end, they are who they are and I am who I am.
No one changes their spots overnight...not even me! Of course, I don't really have spots.
I think if it didn't work out in the first place, it won't work out in the second place. Besides, what woman would settle for second place. The same applies to me as well. If you break up with me obviously I wasn't the one and don't come crawling back because I won't be interested once I have a good cry about it.
I do find that at least I get some satisfaction in knowing the guy now realizes what he had and he should have been a little more careful with a gem like me. Call me selfish but I wouldn't let myself go back to a man after he has broken off the relationship with me; I have too much pride.
I won't change my blog because someone didn't like what they read about themselves.
I will, however, change it for the cutie pie with a special knack for editing.
Blondes don't look back unless they are pulling out!!
was hysterical. Oh well, C'est la Vie.
Its not like we were getting back together anyway.
I find that once I break up with someone I can find absolutely no reason why I would ever attempt a second try. I can't seem to get past the polite phone conversation in an attempt to reconcile at least a friendship. They will try to be someone else; say they have changed or tell you everything you want to hear; even to the point of becoming the person they think you want them to be, but that is always short lived. In the end, they are who they are and I am who I am.
No one changes their spots overnight...not even me! Of course, I don't really have spots.
I think if it didn't work out in the first place, it won't work out in the second place. Besides, what woman would settle for second place. The same applies to me as well. If you break up with me obviously I wasn't the one and don't come crawling back because I won't be interested once I have a good cry about it.
I do find that at least I get some satisfaction in knowing the guy now realizes what he had and he should have been a little more careful with a gem like me. Call me selfish but I wouldn't let myself go back to a man after he has broken off the relationship with me; I have too much pride.
I won't change my blog because someone didn't like what they read about themselves.
I will, however, change it for the cutie pie with a special knack for editing.
Blondes don't look back unless they are pulling out!!
4.06.2008
My Brain is falling, My brain is falling
The more I write about being blonde the more I think I am becoming...well...blonde!!
I recently took my quarterly IQ test and have found I dropped another four points. I am now 12 points away from MENSA.
They say if you don't use it, you lose it.
I thought they were talking about organs pertaining to sex. I am fairly certain now, they were referring to one's mind. Of course they do say the most erogenous part of a women's body is the hypothalamus but we aren't talking about the part of the brain that needs only fresh batteries in a vibrator to stimulate a response.
I am speaking about the part of my brain that can't finish reading a chapter of Moby Dick without daydreaming every other paragraph. Of course it could just be I don't care about fishing for a giant white whale but I should still be able to focus on at least one page of dialogue.
I used to spend hours at my computer as a white hat. Now, I couldn't hack my way out of a paper bag. Instead of writing code, I write blonde anecdotes. I used to write dissertations on ontology. My papers argued that you could not receive a failing grade for a thesis on theory because a theory hasn't been established as a universal fact or truth thus no one is right nor wrong. Today I would fail to argue the point of a brain fart.
I should receive a consolation prize or parting gift for losing my mind...like bigger breasts. From what I understand it is perfectly acceptable to be a dumb blonde if you have a big chest to distract the men from your brushing of a stiletto to help count to ten.
The failure of challenges at work, surrounded by white walls, and very little water cooler talk has left me uninspired to write, learn or create. I feel the very core of my intelligence sucked into the internet vortex propelling me toward spontaneous Ebay purchases and drifting through Craigslist for no reason other than trying to fill 6 hours of dead time at work.
So what does this have to do with the price of corn in China. Nothing, they don't grow corn in China, DUH!! It does, however, have something to do with my blog. Instead of trying to be funny all the time (trying being key word), I am going to try (again key word) and exercise my mind so in the future you just might see opinions, thesis', algorithms, code, whatever I deem necessary to save my brain from total blondness.
I might even start with proper grammar and proofreading.
The blonde gets down to the dark root of the problem!!
I recently took my quarterly IQ test and have found I dropped another four points. I am now 12 points away from MENSA.
They say if you don't use it, you lose it.
I thought they were talking about organs pertaining to sex. I am fairly certain now, they were referring to one's mind. Of course they do say the most erogenous part of a women's body is the hypothalamus but we aren't talking about the part of the brain that needs only fresh batteries in a vibrator to stimulate a response.
I am speaking about the part of my brain that can't finish reading a chapter of Moby Dick without daydreaming every other paragraph. Of course it could just be I don't care about fishing for a giant white whale but I should still be able to focus on at least one page of dialogue.
I used to spend hours at my computer as a white hat. Now, I couldn't hack my way out of a paper bag. Instead of writing code, I write blonde anecdotes. I used to write dissertations on ontology. My papers argued that you could not receive a failing grade for a thesis on theory because a theory hasn't been established as a universal fact or truth thus no one is right nor wrong. Today I would fail to argue the point of a brain fart.
I should receive a consolation prize or parting gift for losing my mind...like bigger breasts. From what I understand it is perfectly acceptable to be a dumb blonde if you have a big chest to distract the men from your brushing of a stiletto to help count to ten.
The failure of challenges at work, surrounded by white walls, and very little water cooler talk has left me uninspired to write, learn or create. I feel the very core of my intelligence sucked into the internet vortex propelling me toward spontaneous Ebay purchases and drifting through Craigslist for no reason other than trying to fill 6 hours of dead time at work.
So what does this have to do with the price of corn in China. Nothing, they don't grow corn in China, DUH!! It does, however, have something to do with my blog. Instead of trying to be funny all the time (trying being key word), I am going to try (again key word) and exercise my mind so in the future you just might see opinions, thesis', algorithms, code, whatever I deem necessary to save my brain from total blondness.
I might even start with proper grammar and proofreading.
The blonde gets down to the dark root of the problem!!
4.05.2008
Colorado Quandary
How the heck do you buy a car off the internet from another state and exchange cash for title? The car is in Colorado.
Hhhmmmm....
Do I have to fly to Denver?
Please , please, for Gah sakes No!!!!
I am not a fan of the people who work at the airport in Denver. I still have nightmares from the Aspen trip. Come to think of it, I didn't care for the people in Aspen either. Not to go into detail but I have never run into such unfriendly people in my life and the women who work for Frontier airlines are just down right mean spirited, unhappy phleebs.
After a formal complaint, I was sent free vouchers in an attempt on their part to intervene and stop a lawsuit that I might file for mental anguish, pain, and suffering inflicted on me by their counter trolls.
I would rather poke fondue sticks through my eyeballs and run naked through the desert waiting for vultures to eat me before I use frontier again.
Than again...they are free tickets
Blondes pay a high price for free-dumb!!
Hhhmmmm....
Do I have to fly to Denver?
Please , please, for Gah sakes No!!!!
I am not a fan of the people who work at the airport in Denver. I still have nightmares from the Aspen trip. Come to think of it, I didn't care for the people in Aspen either. Not to go into detail but I have never run into such unfriendly people in my life and the women who work for Frontier airlines are just down right mean spirited, unhappy phleebs.
After a formal complaint, I was sent free vouchers in an attempt on their part to intervene and stop a lawsuit that I might file for mental anguish, pain, and suffering inflicted on me by their counter trolls.
I would rather poke fondue sticks through my eyeballs and run naked through the desert waiting for vultures to eat me before I use frontier again.
Than again...they are free tickets
Blondes pay a high price for free-dumb!!
Blonde Moment 243
I hate when I lose my keys.
Where are my keys?!!
Damn, I have looked everywhere
Will someone help me find my keys?!! I have to go!!!
...uhhmmmm...Via....what is that in your jeans pocket?!!
Damn!!!
Where are my keys?!!
Damn, I have looked everywhere
Will someone help me find my keys?!! I have to go!!!
...uhhmmmm...Via....what is that in your jeans pocket?!!
Damn!!!
4.03.2008
The Dating Game
Bachlorette, What would you like to ask your bachelors.
I would like to ask them to describe what they believe is a perfect relationship.
Bachelor #1.
A Latin ex-boyfriend wants me to be his mistress. It should be obvious why he is an ex.
"In my culture the mistress is treated far better than the wife. Now come, we have Tapas so you can have big bottom for me and i can stuff them into very short mini-skirts i buy for you."
Bachelor #2.
An old cowboy who likes to be the bull to the filly. Doesn't think he has to do much but circle the pen and breath heavy.
"We would take the limo out for the evening so I can drink properly. I will continuously ask you to sit on top of me with your skirt hiked up to your elbows because that is my version of romance. I will call you baby and Princess all night long. I will talk dirty to you the rest of the evening. I will keep calling you baby and ask you to touch me in public"
Bachelor #3.
A confirmed bachelor who lives at the very end of Suburbia just before the earth drops off.
We would go to a middle class American restaurant and than watch middle class American television and then have middle class American sex in my middle class American house. I can pick you up in my middle class American car and I will have you back to your car by morning before my middle class American sports shows"
OK, Bachelorette, will it be Bachelor #1, bachelor #2, or Bachelor #3?
Well Mr Woolery
Oh, Please call me Chuck
Well Buck,
Chuck
Whatever, I think I am going to bail from this reality show and go hang out with the midget from Fantasy Island.
Dwarf
Excuse me
Tatoo was a dwarf
Why would I want a tattoo of a dwarf?
Blondes need to play a better hand!!
I would like to ask them to describe what they believe is a perfect relationship.
Bachelor #1.
A Latin ex-boyfriend wants me to be his mistress. It should be obvious why he is an ex.
"In my culture the mistress is treated far better than the wife. Now come, we have Tapas so you can have big bottom for me and i can stuff them into very short mini-skirts i buy for you."
Bachelor #2.
An old cowboy who likes to be the bull to the filly. Doesn't think he has to do much but circle the pen and breath heavy.
"We would take the limo out for the evening so I can drink properly. I will continuously ask you to sit on top of me with your skirt hiked up to your elbows because that is my version of romance. I will call you baby and Princess all night long. I will talk dirty to you the rest of the evening. I will keep calling you baby and ask you to touch me in public"
Bachelor #3.
A confirmed bachelor who lives at the very end of Suburbia just before the earth drops off.
We would go to a middle class American restaurant and than watch middle class American television and then have middle class American sex in my middle class American house. I can pick you up in my middle class American car and I will have you back to your car by morning before my middle class American sports shows"
OK, Bachelorette, will it be Bachelor #1, bachelor #2, or Bachelor #3?
Well Mr Woolery
Oh, Please call me Chuck
Well Buck,
Chuck
Whatever, I think I am going to bail from this reality show and go hang out with the midget from Fantasy Island.
Dwarf
Excuse me
Tatoo was a dwarf
Why would I want a tattoo of a dwarf?
Blondes need to play a better hand!!
Greed E-bay
What the h- e- double hockey sticks is going on with people. Greedy, greedy people.
I recently inquired on a L.A.M.B. trench coat I liked on Ebay. Now knowing the seller had a peak interest from me, she raised the price of the coat.
What the Frack!!
"Hi, I noticed you raise the price of your coat."
"Why yes I did. I noticed how much you wanted it so I thought I would screw you out a few more dollars."
"Wow, I can't thank you enough. Money has been burning a hole in my pocket ever since I heard I am getting the $600 payola the gov is giving me not to hate Bush."
"Oh, really, no problem. I have some shoes you might want to. They totally aren't your size and I will price them high so I can buy a sweater for my parakeet."
"Forget the shoes...let me just buy the sweater for your bird. I will be at the pet store anyway buying cat food for myself"
Blondes don't pay anyone a compliment!!
I recently inquired on a L.A.M.B. trench coat I liked on Ebay. Now knowing the seller had a peak interest from me, she raised the price of the coat.
What the Frack!!
"Hi, I noticed you raise the price of your coat."
"Why yes I did. I noticed how much you wanted it so I thought I would screw you out a few more dollars."
"Wow, I can't thank you enough. Money has been burning a hole in my pocket ever since I heard I am getting the $600 payola the gov is giving me not to hate Bush."
"Oh, really, no problem. I have some shoes you might want to. They totally aren't your size and I will price them high so I can buy a sweater for my parakeet."
"Forget the shoes...let me just buy the sweater for your bird. I will be at the pet store anyway buying cat food for myself"
Blondes don't pay anyone a compliment!!
4.02.2008
Office Attire
I am wearing my thigh high argyle socks with loafers, matching Jean Paul Gaultier argyle sweater and grey mini-skirt...
I understand its not your typical office wear but than again I don't aspire to be a corporate girl.
If I had to wear Ann Taylor or Banana Republic to work everyday..I would shoot myself.
Unfortunately, across the hall...the girls don't care for me much..hhhmmmm...don't care....but one of them spoke to me today. Something I truly try to avoid...ugghhh...on occassion I can't help but run into them at the elevator and I have to be polite and carry on polite conversation.
"You look like a school girl"
"I know, I love the look."
"I could never get away with wearing that to work"
"Of course you couldn't.Your too fat."
"Excuse me?"
"I said of course you couldn't get away with that"
Blondes don't have time for small talk!!!
I understand its not your typical office wear but than again I don't aspire to be a corporate girl.
If I had to wear Ann Taylor or Banana Republic to work everyday..I would shoot myself.
Unfortunately, across the hall...the girls don't care for me much..hhhmmmm...don't care....but one of them spoke to me today. Something I truly try to avoid...ugghhh...on occassion I can't help but run into them at the elevator and I have to be polite and carry on polite conversation.
"You look like a school girl"
"I know, I love the look."
"I could never get away with wearing that to work"
"Of course you couldn't.Your too fat."
"Excuse me?"
"I said of course you couldn't get away with that"
Blondes don't have time for small talk!!!
4.01.2008
More Fool's
Consumers...
Exactly when did fashion designers and editors convince us that polyester is the new silk?!
Who the heck pays hundreds of dollars to wear leisure suit fabric?
Its oleophylic which means, it retains odor!!
Did you know you can boil polyester?! Not only will it not damage the fabric but it will actually help remove odor.
Did you know polyester is nothing more than plastic melted down to thread and woven for your grossness!!!
Stop wearing polyester...go back to natural fibers before we ruin the planet with bad taste
Blondes hate being plastic!!!
Exactly when did fashion designers and editors convince us that polyester is the new silk?!
Who the heck pays hundreds of dollars to wear leisure suit fabric?
Its oleophylic which means, it retains odor!!
Did you know you can boil polyester?! Not only will it not damage the fabric but it will actually help remove odor.
Did you know polyester is nothing more than plastic melted down to thread and woven for your grossness!!!
Stop wearing polyester...go back to natural fibers before we ruin the planet with bad taste
Blondes hate being plastic!!!
Happy Fool's Day
Do we really need to celebrate fool's??!!
Fine!! Who am I to be a party pooper!!!
Happy Fool's Day Bankers!!!!!!
Blondes don't think anyone should get bailed out!!!
Fine!! Who am I to be a party pooper!!!
Happy Fool's Day Bankers!!!!!!
Blondes don't think anyone should get bailed out!!!
Mini Man
Three things I tend to avoid on the road to make my trip pleasant.
1. Mini-vans. I don't like mini-vans are dumb women on cell phones in SUVs in front of me!! I just don't. Volvo drivers too!! I don't like them either!! There is a world outside your vehicle, people!!!
2. Window stickers with children's names and the sport they play. Now, if I was a pedophile I might be interested in your children but I am not so I don't care!! Political stickers bother me too!!! If you want them, than at least make them creative so I can be amused.
and STOP....
3. SPONTANEOUS LANE EXCHANGE!!!! 50 yards before the next car but for some reason the driver decides that they can't wait and bursts into my lane 5 ft in front of me like a premature ejaculation, its annoyin and makes me have to apply my brakes...very irritating!!
This morning, I encountered a person with all said 3 no-no's. I didn't get mad, I just went around. I looked at the driver, shook my head and moved on. Male...always male in the mini-van..why is that?! Now, If I had to drive a mini van hustling kids around all day. I would be pissed at the world too but don't go picking on me!!!
The idiot had a huge tantrum, weaving in and out of cars just so he could ride next to me to scream through two windows and air. I simply laughed and waved him away with my hand and zoomed off in my respectable car without bumper stickers and with out changing my lane just for the heck of it!!!
Blondes will handle mid-life a little better than most!!!
1. Mini-vans. I don't like mini-vans are dumb women on cell phones in SUVs in front of me!! I just don't. Volvo drivers too!! I don't like them either!! There is a world outside your vehicle, people!!!
2. Window stickers with children's names and the sport they play. Now, if I was a pedophile I might be interested in your children but I am not so I don't care!! Political stickers bother me too!!! If you want them, than at least make them creative so I can be amused.
and STOP....
3. SPONTANEOUS LANE EXCHANGE!!!! 50 yards before the next car but for some reason the driver decides that they can't wait and bursts into my lane 5 ft in front of me like a premature ejaculation, its annoyin and makes me have to apply my brakes...very irritating!!
This morning, I encountered a person with all said 3 no-no's. I didn't get mad, I just went around. I looked at the driver, shook my head and moved on. Male...always male in the mini-van..why is that?! Now, If I had to drive a mini van hustling kids around all day. I would be pissed at the world too but don't go picking on me!!!
The idiot had a huge tantrum, weaving in and out of cars just so he could ride next to me to scream through two windows and air. I simply laughed and waved him away with my hand and zoomed off in my respectable car without bumper stickers and with out changing my lane just for the heck of it!!!
Blondes will handle mid-life a little better than most!!!
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