12.25.2007
12.24.2007
Last of 2007 Bodily Harm Blonde Moments
Burned my twat with hair removal product
Froze my ass off standing nude in a creek
Fried my Brain reading a bunch of bad blogs
Sprained my fingers having sex with myself
Stubbed my toe trying to make a foot fetish video
Bit my cheek eating a candy cane
Blondes have to have a sense of humor!!!
HAPPY HOLIDAY Y"ALL!!!!
12.21.2007
Blonde Moment 200
I decided I was too lazy to fight holiday traffic and head to the spa to get a wax. I am having photos done and I would like to be well coiffed for the session.
I had a bottle of hair removal in the cabinet and thought..this is harmless....
Squeeze a bunch on my hand..
slather it all over the tutu and bunny hole
I can't wait to be baby smooth..OH Yeah!!
Ignoring the time limit to make sure I was really smooth..
I started to feel a little tingle
Hmmm...its burning a bit
Hmmm..maybe I should rinse
Ummm..nope..wait a few more seconds....
OK..it kinda really burns now
Ok.. rinse now...Rinse Now!!!
UH OH..
I burned my tutu off ...
burned the tutu like someone set a match to it!!
Blondes need to follow directions!
12.20.2007
Somebody Slap me!!
I tell you..I could not write this stuff myself..well...actually I am writing it but the guys part of the dialog is priceless..better than the married man on myspace!!!
I can't wait to make it a series of short films..once I get my DAMN CAMERA!!!
Exerts from the seedy arena of adult gigs:
Names have not been changed to protect the idiot ...who used his real name!
How big is the house, where is it located..
I am not really a maid but I can clean a house. I need the extra money.
Very nice photo, you look classy and nice. Would you be open to sensual massage and adult fun? Jimmy
How much?
$100
My Mom pays the maid for that and she just cleans
$100 every two weeks and maybe once a week? and I won't even make you clean?
Seems really low but this is Texas
$175 for once every two weeks and
$150 for once a week
and I don't clean....we are talking hand cleaning not clean inside and out.
Inside and out and I can only afford a hundred.....
The price is fixed..no negotiations
Okay I appreciate your honesty. I'll keep your email if I can budget that. Until then if you change your mind please let me know.
Thanks and hope you have a wonderful holiday,
and than he added his photo to the email..schmuckk!!
Blondes should not find things like this funny!!!
Horny Cat!!
Nope, No way, my cat, Horny Cat, brother to Crack Cat, likes backpacks, knapsacks and gym bags.
He starts rubbing on them, getting himself into a little frenzy of slobbering love and if by God you go near his nylon affectionate substitute before he has time to finish off in the zippered pocket you should expect to lose skin.
It just so happened Horny Cat was making love to my laptop bag and I needed it to check myspace blogs…dammit!!
You can see my urgency..cat cum or blog..it was a simple choice for me really!!
Determined to retrieve my bag unscathed, I like any smart blonde who doesn't like to scar, I volunteered the services of my male compadre'.
"Oh Boo…;We have a Crisis!!"
Being the ever so wonderful friend hoping to one day get laid, he swiftly came (no pun intended) and whisked Horny Cat off the bag thus helping me retrieve my laptop
The problem was…Horny Cat was not done with his knapsack time and needed to finish so he chose to continue his seuel of Pussy Pillow 3 on my friends napsack. Disgusted by the whole affair my so called friend whipped Horny Cat off his nap sack and throws him in my room still with his pink spiky mancatliness whipping about.
Confused and obviously stricken with blue kitty balls . Horny Cat sat in the corner of my room with a confused and hurt expression on his face wondering why his back pack betrayed his love.
Here horny Cat..Here's my Back Pack..Dammit!!
Blondes believe in Animal's Rights to Fetishes!!
12.13.2007
Blonde Moment 191
Work has been very slow and I have been modeling again. In Austin there is not much to pick from and so I surf craigslist at work on the work computer.
O.K. so I click on Talent under the Gigs...
I scroll through
No
No
No
hmmm...this one looks alright
Foot Model...
Must be for shoes or even better ...boots!!
Click
Please check out our web page for more detail
Ok
Click
If you are older than 18 click here
18? hmm....Why do you have to be 18 to buy shoes?!
Maybe they are really sexy shoes!! or even better sexy thigh high boots!!
Click
NOT SHOES...
NOT SHOES...
Click Out!!
Click Out!!
Erase Cache!!
Delete History File!!
Blondes didn't know penis was a foot accessory!!
12.10.2007
Holy Crap its Xmas
The Dickens Village tree--
The glass Bird menagerie tree
The fresh tree where only 3-6 tinsel strings may be applied
The Disney tree
and the prodigal grandson's tree
There will be 4 lighted reindeer outside
3 large wooden nutcrackers
2 train sets
and one x-mas scam:
phone call
Mother to Eldest daughter, "So your father only gave me so much for presents this year and I have to buy all these people gifts..I don't know how I can afford it all"
Eldest daughter to Mother, "Thats alright Mother you don't have to get me anything"
next phone call
Mother to youngest daughter, "So your father only gave me so much for presents this year and I have to buy all these people gifts..I don't how to afford it all"
Youngest daughter to Mother, "That's alright Mother you don't have to get me anything"
next phone call
Mother to middle daughter, "So your father only gave me so much for presents this year and I have to buy all these people gifts..I don't how to afford it all"
Middle daughter to Mother, "Thats alright Mother you don't have to get me anything"
so Christmas closes in and Mother has purchased nothing, Father scrambles to to buy last minute gifts and I hear mumbling on the phone in the background...something about a swiss bank account...
HAPPY BEGINNING OF THE HOLIDAYS!!
12.08.2007
Mother Grinch
In gypsy like stealthiness she answers the door, grab the box from the post man, and quickly tucks it behind the bird menagerie Christmas tree waiting for the moment when she is alone in the house, not a creature is stirring not even the crack cat's stuffed mouse and than....
She opens the package
She takes the candy she knows we like
and hides it away
than she leaves the candy we don't like
knowing it will stay
than she tosses out the name tags
claiming none were ever found
carefully peels away the wrapping paper
without making a sound
keeps what she likes
puts the rest back inside
thinking she is clever
she claims it just arrived
along with a swiss bank account..we think she runs a gift shop somewhere in Provence.
Blondes get a detailed packing list from friends and family now!!
12.06.2007
Blonde Moment 138
Blondes hate fees attached to their moments!!
God is Free Y'all!!
My offices are next to the business office of the pastor of a newly formed ministry. The Pastors have no regard for the signs regarding parking, they are arrogant and rude and when you go to there website the only thing they preach is trying to convert more people.
There is no talk of helping communities, or the hungry or the poor...Nope Its just convert, convert, convert...
Oh yah!!! Did I tell you the offices are located in the higher end district in Austin while the church is on the East side smack in the middle of the lower income district.
Why can't they keep their offices with the church..hhhmmmmmm
Half these people who go to this church struggle everyday to put food on the table but these Pastors con the very grocery money out of their hands based on the bible and God's needs. I also tried to find who they serve in the community. Nobody, nothing, Nada...no hunger, no homeless, no charities do they affiliate themselves with what-so-ever.
They say on their website they are a cosmopolitan bible community..
What the hell is that?
They are about as country as country gets..Cosmopolitan on the East side of town..I don't think so...
There is no God in their office except for the one that lives on the dollar bill..
Save your money..God doesn't need it!!! and if you want to spend it..Give directly to the homeless ,the animal shelter, orphanages. Stop giving money in in the name of God..
Give your prayers, give your love but for God's sake stop giving these people money.
Blondes hate con artists that prey on faith!!!
12.05.2007
Celebrity Cellulite
How would you like to be followed around and have your picture taken at the most unglamorous times in your life to reveal your cellulite and saggy stuff.
Even more fun..how about having your photos plastered over the internet so people who are bored can find entertainment and amusement at your less than lovely predicament.
...and how disgusting do I feel that I am looking at your photos going "Oh..My..God, that is bad!!"? Actually not very at all and I will tell you why.
As shallow as it is that I feel better about my body looking at others with worse flaws than me..I also came to the conclusion that the photos had other things that made me a little envious. If our focus is redirected to things that really matter in life we would see an entirely different picture.
In the photos..there is an ocean, a beautiful beach, there are lovers, and children, and friends...all the cellulite clad celebs were playing, holding hands, smiling, laughing and enjoying their life...
and the only one who seemed to be bothered by the cellulite and the sags and flab are the hate mongers who posted the comments.
Blondes rather be flawed on the outside than the inside!