Well, if it isn't the fine and upstanding members of Congress, gathering once again to tackle the most pressing issue of our time: TikTok.
Yes, it seems that the powers that be have finally woken up to the fact that millions of people around the world are using a silly little app to share videos of themselves dancing, lip syncing, and generally being goofy. And who better to tackle this threat to our national security than the wise and sagacious men and women of Congress?
So, they've called in the CEO of TikTok, a man by the name of Shou Zi Chew, to answer some tough questions. And how did Mr. Chew respond, you ask? Did he give honest and straightforward answers to the inquiries of our elected officials?
Ha! You must be joking. Mr. Chew evaded every question with the skill of a seasoned politician. He projected confidence and competence while saying absolutely nothing of substance.
But why should we be surprised? After all, this is the same Congress that can't seem to pass any meaningful legislation or work together in any meaningful way. And now they expect us to believe that they're the ones who can protect us from the scourge of TikTok?
It's enough to make Mark Twain roll over in his grave. But perhaps we shouldn't be too hard on our esteemed representatives. After all, they're just doing what they do best: grandstanding and posturing for the cameras.
So, let us raise a glass to Congress, the guardians of our democracy and the stalwarts of our nation. May they continue to tackle the important issues of our time with all the skill and competence that we have come to expect from them.