Why do I scream at this world anonymously?

Because you don't fucking hear me. 

I am not anyone you would listen to.

You listen to everyone with money and fame.... why?

They don't even read your posts.

They have interns to reply to make you feel better about yourself and feel like you are their friend.

You are just a fucking number in their gram or tiktok account making more money for them.

Lately, I see many comments about loss, love, and wanting to kill ones self.

It takes more courage to kill yourself than it does to live. Trust me, I know.

I remember sending my son home with his Grandfather and Grandmother, opened up the gas in my home and waited to die.

In that time, I went through all the anger, the sadness, the acceptance and finally settled on this would be my last breath.

And fuck me, my son and Father came to the house, smelled the gas and called for help.

I am still not sure if I am thankful for that. 

I would try many times again, but guess this hateful earth thinks I have something left to offer.

I do not think so. 

I am stuck in a world of traps, where if you do not have the confidence to fight for anything, you come complacent to everything.

And some times you grab hold of a new promise, but always find your hands don't have the strength to hold on to the rope when you decide to to hang yourself.


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