I am living a self-made prison


Woe is the kid that was the child who outshined her Mother in looks and father's love.

I am an adult now and I should be able to escape this, so why can't I?

What was embedded in me as a child, which makes me so vulnerable to horrible situations that continue to plague me and lock me in this pattern?

I try very hard to change it, but fate or my subconscious draws me into the exact same mold my Mother created for me.

So why do I care and allow her behavior to affect me? Molding me to her will.

After all these years, these horrible parents still have a hold on us.

I guess I should be lucky I was not raised by Sam Bankman-Fried's parents. 

Raised as an untouchable, woke snowflake who will truly not understand it was his fault ever. 

I truly believe he can't see his mistake, much like I do the many predators that have come my way and preyed upon me. The stamp is always there, no matter how old you are. 

And for that, Sam's prison was built by his parents.

For me, I was raised to believe I deserved nothing. It would never occur to me to take from others.

Where does this leave me.... 

No harm to anyone but myself.  

The only way to stop it, is to leave... go far away.

Change my number, forget hers and walk away.

You will always be the better person and so the rope tugs at your heart strings. But in your mind, start seeing the heart string as a hook with a fishing line and a pole dragging you back into the boat and gutting you.

Still I remain stuck on that hook, floundering and trying to just get away.

Sam won't be so lucky.

No comments:

Post a Comment