I miss my Dad,
He was not full of panache but still charming; more subtle, so when he hugged you, or shook your hand, or gave you a compliment.... it was a big deal.
It meant something to everyone when my Dad gave them his approval. Everyone wanted it, including his daughters.
And he loved his family and was a big kid on holidays.
And then you had my Mother!
She loved her valium; got pregnant every time she thought my Dad was about to leave her; and so duh - hated she had to share her allowance for our school clothes, so yeah, while my sisters were OK with this, I decided I was not.
So it started with me packing a plush terry cloth robe from the Fox and Hound in Fredericksburg.
And that same fucking statement, " We can forgive you but we will never forget."
Ok, seriously, I do not care, that was the best robe of my entire life and I had it for over 10 years!
So imagine how upset I am that my 'never had to work for anything in her life' mother is letting the estate my Father meticulously cared for, crumble to the fucking ground.
The gardens are dying; the pool is empty; the trees in the forest are falling; and the inside of the home is decaying.
I paid for new pool decking, the new washer and dryer, and give her $500 a month that she pisses away on gourmet German cold cuts she FedEx's from Wisconsin .
And I more than anyone will understand how much it will hurt her to hear she can't stay here any more. Because the only person who was willing to care for her and pay for the upkeep of this fucking Grey Gardens monstrosity, is ME, and I am not willing to lose me over her all consuming kingdom of hell.
It will be unbearable, and devastating. And it will feel like someone ripped the very heart out of her soul, but after that ..it will only take a decade or so to get over it.