4.28.2012

Bringing up the Past

Have fun with Blondies past!! I am reposting some old blogs.....It will be fun to see how much of what I said back then holds up to what I think now!!!


The Internet has made it so easy for us, as a society to order almost anything we can imagine online; from guns to tampons to even a mate. It is the online looking for a mate that I wish to guide you through.

Like any goods you order online, you must understand Internet dating falls under the same caveat emptor rule; let the buyer beware. You may not be paying for a custom ordered man, but you do spend good money based on a promise that you will find someone using the online tools that will customize your search for the promise of finding him. Unlike ordering goods online, when you have a bad date or feel you have been used, you cannot get a credit for that mistake.

It’s my intent to spare you a little emotional recoil by limiting your chances of having a bad internet date blow up in your face with just a few simple lessons I learned along the way.

I use free sites. After using the major online dating services, and being a bargain shopper at heart, I find I have the inner circle knowledge of how to get the good stuff for free just by digging a little harder for it and knowing what to watch out for.

Warning: Don’t try this at home. I am a seasoned professional and know what I am doing to avoid being hurt. It is best for first time users to use one of the more legitimate dating sites keeping in mind that these sites are not immune to the contamination of all around scummies like married men, serial daters, and erotic email seekers.

First of all, you need to know that having a good sense of humor is certainly required for this sort of venture if you are to survive with minimal and mendable heart breakage. Make no mistake; one or two breaks will happen no matter how many precautions you take. Also, realize that surfing online dating sites for potential love interests is a lot like looking through an online catalog for clothes or shoes. You have to realize, you are probably going to skip over some good stuff because the photo or description didn’t feel like it quite fit you, and vice versa. Men are viewing you as a perfect fit, as well, and may pass you up for simply not feeling it online. Just like you passing them up, it’s OK they pass you up. If you think they are passing you up? For a Manola Blahnik type, just look up Manola Blanhik shoe images online and see if not one of them isn’t high maintenance and won’t hurt after wearing it for a very short engagement. Chuckle at their chagrin and then grin again, knowing that you are someone else’s perfect Gucci loafer and he is just waiting to settle in and love you, comfortably and for a long time.

When you first fill out a profile for whatever dating site you choose, the question of age becomes a bit of a quandary, at least for those who might have found and plucked an odd hair or two discovered growing out of one of their nipples. Never fear. Do not let this deter you; it’s only a myth that women have an expiration date. Just remember, if you are getting older, so are the men. There will always be an endless supply of them. So pluck away the nipple hair with all the vigor of a twenty year old picking a zit at the mirror. Just for the record, older men are picking nose and ear hairs with the same vigilance, or at least I hope so.

There is a smudge on the progression of Internet dating sites that gives a viable reason to lie about your age. You see, Internet dating has been up long enough for everyone, who utilizes this form of meet ups, knows that false advertising works in some degree and is prevalent among profiles. So many profiles play on false numbers, almost like a car dealer. Most profiles lie and so everyone suspects your profile of lying as well, even if you don’t. If you plug in your real age, most will assume you are two to four years older. I say take two years off your real age, if it’s after nipple hair growth. It’s just enough to be able to fess up without crumbling to an ageist who is super concerned about your tits falling to the floor when they unbutton your shirt and still keep you in the running for searches that take four years off to compensate for the false advertisers.

Next on the list of boxes that can create a dilemma for anyone, over a size 6, is the body type box. Your uploaded pictures will correlate to this box and honesty is the best policy for this one. This is like buying a size four dress that you convince yourself you will lose enough weight in time to squeeze into it for a reunion. Don’t even attempt this femme fatal rule. You are not going to drop that extra 10lbs in time for a date next Thursday. I found from listening to the plethora of men I meet, this is not something that can be overcome.


....and the rest.....

Whoopsie....

I would give you more but apparently I did not cut and paste the whole post before it was deleted...

Awkward...

Egg on my face...

I will have to get back to ya!



The Blonde is on a hiatus!

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