I chopped my golden locks down to a pixie hair style and I thought I might cry afterward but really I did not shed one tear for my hair.
I am changing as a person on the inside and I am trying to be taken seriously as a woman. My long hair was more a fantasy for men and its getting in the way of me being taken seriously as someone that should be loved and cherished and committed to.
I do not want to be the fantasy girl any more.
Quite frankly, I don't want to be anyone's girl anymore.
My birthday is Sunday and I am moving on in a positive direction with my life.
I never really receive the respect I deserve from family, and that was reflected in the men I dated; because unless you have a husband and a house, there is something not worth respecting...I guess is there mentality.
Its not mine but I have learned it will not change and like friends who perceive me to be what I was a long time ago aren't worth keeping. I have to come to the same conclusion with family members who have not honored me as a Mother and grown woman.
While I have my one day a month where I can be a total biatch do to chemical imbalances from PMS and with a little wine I can be out of hand but that is only out of response to the frustrations I have with the actions of some of my family members.
I will be moving next month and I know I wont bee visited by my son and I realize he has a life and it makes me sad that I will be alone. Its a single Mother's sadness that no one in my family can or will try to understand.
When you have no one but your child and he is growing apart from you..its sad...and even more debilitating when my own parents have fostered alienation among family with gossip and talk behind my back.
I know one day, things will be different. When I have regained my position in society with a home, money and a career.
I should have never let him stay with my parents. I thought they loved me but their actions proved far from otherwise when it concerned me as a Mother.
After all, what kind of Father would threaten his daughter and say he will take me to court for being an unfit Mother if I tried to get my son back.
I can't change the past but I was never an unfit Mother, just a broke one. And I loved my son enough to give him what I thought would be a better home at my parents while I worked on finding my place in this world.
Biggest mistake of my life and I will have to forgive myself and move on but it would have been nice to have support from family instead of bashing me and talking behind my back.
I hope my son will get to see me for me and not what my family has made me out to be.
The Blonde is slowly letting go of the past!!