I could sit here and succumb to sorrow but its stupid to let bad thoughts win over good ones.
I watched Eat, Pray, Love and even though it was cheesy, it did kind of lift my spirits a bit.
Actually, it was just the part with Javier Bardot that did it for me.
And I actually learned something about my life from watching it. While the money situation gets me down, its not what really upsets me.
What upsets me is being alone in this life and realizing men just aren't what they used to be when I was young. They all are a bit self centered and unwilling to fall in love and care for a woman.
Every date I have been on starts with the same verbage, "I already married and took care of someone, I am not going to do that again."
How would you like me to say on a first date, " I have been nothing but a sex toy for guys and I am not going to do that anymore!!"
Would I get a call back?
And neither are these guys. I am just pissed I wasted me time and one back end of a car on the last two.
They so were not worth my jag looking like a rumpled tuna can.
Today I beat the living crap out of the tennis ball and my opponent on the court.
It felt good to hit the ball.
I was dark and moody and didn't want to leave the house but I have to catch those thoughts and beat them out along with the tennis ball.
I have to keep fighting this feeling until passes. Its a mental challenge but so is tennis.
I can't be with a man right now and I am sad to think that I may very well end up alone forever.
I go to school and work from the house...the only way I could meet men is through online dating and there is seriously something wrong with a human catalog. It makes people not invest in someone for the right reasons.
Its a soulless endeavor that only follows money and external beauty.
I just can't stand the thought of selling my soul to another man that really has no interest in anything but finding a companion that doesn't interrupt their life.
Love is not just for the young but it seems as I grow older that it might not ever find me...and that breaks me more than being broke.
So I am feeding the personal kitty...
I am investing in myself....
and although my market share is down right now...
I will pick up and hopefully...
I might actually be happy again.
The Blonde is just a little worn from the fight!!