8.26.2008

Leave Sleeping Worms in the Can

I totally blew this guy off in Houston several weeks back. I knew he was going to Israel and would not be back for a week. I sheepishly left a message on his work phone apologizing that I could not make it last minute I that I changed my mind.

Quite frankly,

I don't know you well enough not to change my mind and feel guilty about bailing.

Anyhoo,

I guess he is back in town and wants to know why?! I am sorry but I deleted you from my phone. I left a sufficient message, now go away!!

I could not get through my pre New York work because I had a text every freaking 20 minutes from this assurance deficient dude. He seems not to take rejection well and ignores it as a way to cope. I made the mortal mistake of being nice and the freak took off with it as another opportunity to meet me.

Good you drive here, set yourself up at the Four Seasons and I will meet your freak for a drink.

Otherwise...

PHLEEB, you have been deleted!!

What do you not understand without me telling you?!

Honestly, I did go to Houston but I overbooked my dates and I had to knock the least favorable off my list. He had a couple of severe non-no's but he was persistent and wore me down and although a bit scary in his stiff European accent and demeanor, I decided, 'what the heck, I have a few hours to kill between my other dates."


On Match, he had my numero uno reason to pass on a profile; he took photos with out a shirt on without a body of water nearby, even worse he was extremely ripped and could snap a body a life size Barbie in half with little effort; in his poolside photos he sports a ball hammock instead of swim trunks--he is European so I threw him a waiver on that one but still, at the Houstonian?! If he had a photo next to his car--I would have never emailed him back.

The last and most critical error was the growth of his cro-magnum bone on his forehead showing the signs of a long relationship with steroids. And I don't need anyone going OJ on my arse and beat me to death because I failed to have fresh breath, which apparently is all he requires along with my photos to prove I would be a decent match.

And believe it or not, I forgot my toothpaste that weekend and I am certain my breath was not that fresh at all. I did have gum but someone's dog actually ate it. Come to think of it, that guy hasn't called.

Hhmmm!

Oh, well!!

Next!!!

So today, I must shut down the phone again. I am packing for my trip to NY and I am cranky since I haven't had a carb in three days and I don't want to be rude to Roidboy in fear of my pretty little head being bashed in.


Blondes only appetite is for a Big Apple!!

9 comments:

  1. Vanessa, why don't you just tell the guy that you're not interested? What's with the "non-no's"?

    My biggest pet peeve on match is women who won't hit the little button in their e-mail to say, "I'm not interested." I'd much rather get that than the no response that I usually get.

    (No, I'm not talking about you.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think like most girls, we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

    I personally don't like someone who hits that button, although it only happened once (and its because I didn't email him back right away)I just assume not know.

    Its an ego thing!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous8/27/2008

    The phrase is...I'd just as soon not know...not assume. A good grammar class should be in your future!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous8/28/2008

    Anonymous- go look for an english Grammar blog - leaver he alone - she's perfect the way she is!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am just the creative genius. I leave proofreading to out of work lit majors.
    I would correct the faux pas but its part of my Blonde

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous8/29/2008

    true writers do their own proofreading. sellout hire others. see the difference? probably not. "perfect" i question that strongly but i agree if perfect is a synonym for narcisstic or self absorbed or materialistic

    ReplyDelete
  7. and I find anyone who hides behind anonymity, a pussy.

    I don't understand peeps like you. Why do you waste your time on someone you don't like.
    I don't like Oprah and I don't spend my time watching just to criticize, but if I did..I would have the balls to sign my name!!

    Signed
    Veronica Bell

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous8/31/2008

    Hahahahahah...you're a riot!!! Small-minded, but a riot just the same!!! Here's a name for you...Linda and Rob, we love it!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous8/31/2008

    Here's a question about anonymity, is it the same as not using your real name or your real age??? Can't face reality?

    ReplyDelete

Gadget

This content is not yet available over encrypted connections.