What has it been?
Five years and counting that my Mother tries to murder someone during the holidays.
This time, I was too wise for her attempts and foiled her plans to give my 'German' medicinal powder to help my with allergies.
But she is not one to give up so quickly.
If she can;t murder me, she will go after the unsuspecting victim.
My Father.
My Father is deadly allergic to nuts.
And what does Mother do?
Claim she did not have cinnamon available and so she grounded up cinnamon sticks in the same grinder that she grounded nuts in a few months prior.
She innocently baked the cookies and said, "Here dear. I made you cookies. The ones you love."
My Dad bit into one and his throat seized up.
I think my Mother is testing out her murder attempts on the family.
Not enough to kill us but enough to know she can get away with it in the event she really wants to off someone.
Who she is aiming for is any one's guess.
So during the holidays...watch the offerings from my Mother.
Happy and safe Holidays from the Blonde!!
12.21.2011
What A Freaking Crazy Christmas Card
If I sent a letter with my Christmas cards it would be a first. Not only for the letter but for sending out cards.
The last time I sent out a Christmas card was when I hand painted Santa with his pants down mooning the recipient.
It was a great card and its a Hallmark to my Aunt. I have not sent out a card since she died. Its the only thing I can do to show her how special she was to our family.
And to let her know, that every year...we still think about her just as much as if she were alive.
I believe in science and I believe her atoms burst apart the moment she exhaled her last breath sending all those beautiful atoms across the universe to be received by new birth.
My Aunt's beautiful atoms grace the bodies of new life..whether that be a bug, a bird, a baby...she lives on!
Good and kindness live on because of her!
The Blonde bows at the ever greatness of life's circle!
The last time I sent out a Christmas card was when I hand painted Santa with his pants down mooning the recipient.
It was a great card and its a Hallmark to my Aunt. I have not sent out a card since she died. Its the only thing I can do to show her how special she was to our family.
And to let her know, that every year...we still think about her just as much as if she were alive.
I believe in science and I believe her atoms burst apart the moment she exhaled her last breath sending all those beautiful atoms across the universe to be received by new birth.
My Aunt's beautiful atoms grace the bodies of new life..whether that be a bug, a bird, a baby...she lives on!
Good and kindness live on because of her!
The Blonde bows at the ever greatness of life's circle!
12.19.2011
Merry Bloody Christmas
Holy cow!!! The drama that is unfolding this season is beyond any soap opera writer's wet dream.
I have to give you it in tidbits or you will explode by the thought of it all.
OK...
Sister's best friend's husband tried to kill himself.
They thought the mixture of pain killers caused a suicidal tendency.
NO!!
The freak was having an affair with a married woman.
He found out she was having an affair with another man.
He left a note in his girlfriend's husband's car tattle tailing that she was sleeping with him and another man
Seriously, what a douche!!!
are you still with me...
Anyhoo...
The suicidal douche did not bother to leave a note for his wife..my sister's best friend.
Not only is she a best friend, she is our family and you don;t fuck with our family.
When the douche gets out of the psych ward which will be delayed so our sister can get her shit moved out..
will come home to nothing more than a stocking full of coal.
The Blonde is cherry red with happy!!
I have to give you it in tidbits or you will explode by the thought of it all.
OK...
Sister's best friend's husband tried to kill himself.
They thought the mixture of pain killers caused a suicidal tendency.
NO!!
The freak was having an affair with a married woman.
He found out she was having an affair with another man.
He left a note in his girlfriend's husband's car tattle tailing that she was sleeping with him and another man
Seriously, what a douche!!!
are you still with me...
Anyhoo...
The suicidal douche did not bother to leave a note for his wife..my sister's best friend.
Not only is she a best friend, she is our family and you don;t fuck with our family.
When the douche gets out of the psych ward which will be delayed so our sister can get her shit moved out..
will come home to nothing more than a stocking full of coal.
The Blonde is cherry red with happy!!
12.02.2011
Perception and Reality
should not be on such a narrow line.
We all walk a tight rope...
The performer and the spectator
I can see it now
I am on the wire
I step out
onto the high wire
I balance
I bend my knees
I crouch
I swing my arms
I flip
and
I land
on the wire
and
I
do
not
fall!!
And so many of you thought I would fall
and even more of you
were wishing I did...
Wish and think all you like about me
but in the end
you will still be wrong
The Blonde has had a hard and long life!!
We all walk a tight rope...
The performer and the spectator
I can see it now
I am on the wire
I step out
onto the high wire
I balance
I bend my knees
I crouch
I swing my arms
I flip
and
I land
on the wire
and
I
do
not
fall!!
And so many of you thought I would fall
and even more of you
were wishing I did...
Wish and think all you like about me
but in the end
you will still be wrong
The Blonde has had a hard and long life!!
American Military Rule!!!
Be Bad
but
not angry
Be mean
but not hurtful
Be proud
but not arrogant
Be brave
but be afraid
Be all you can be
but bring it all baok home...
The Blonde Kant but Mill!
Holidays Ake Me Want to Die
The Holidays!
The Blonde is bringing the best of suicidal jingles for your holiday pleasure!!!!
11.29.2011
Oedipus
Oedipus means 'swollen foot' and not 'to see'...
Oedipus had a screwy Mother who believed in prophecy and when an oracle told her her kid would kill her baby Daddy and marry her...
She did what any normal baby Mamma would do after reading the horoscope in the local news rag...
She and her husband pierced the babies feet and bound them together before handing over the bundle of curse over to a Sheppard who was to take the baby to the top of the cliff and leave it there to die of exposure..which is a nice term for starve, dehydrate, and freeze or burn to death.
But
and a big but...
The Shepard, ditched the dirty deed and handed the baby over to the royal family of the hood next door.
I am sure they paid better for adoption than the Thebes paid for the disposal but whatever..
Anywhoo..
to make a long Greek tragedy short...
Someone told Oedipus of his fate and he left his parents to save their lives.
Unfortunately they were not his real parents and so he left his safety zone
and low and behold
karma guided him directly into killing his real Daddy on the way out of town..
What are the odds of that happening without Apollo?
Anyhoo
He stops to play some casinos and he ends up cracking the Sphinx jeopardy game and this lushes Jocasta is all about the new guy and they marry
Jocasta and Odi-puss have daughters and rule the kingdom and have a great life and
SMACK!!!
Someone has to pee on their parade
Why they waited so long to avenge the death of the King...'Creon"?
not to mention names, Creon!
but seriously...was your promotion due, Creon?!!
Creon is to blame for the whole debacle if you ask me.
Creon got Odi all in a ruckus over the truth and when Odi finally digged the whole deep enough to uncover it
the hole was to be a grave for his Mother/ Wife after she hung herslef buy her own hair..that's commitment to suicide..seriously.
He stabs his eyes out with some gold chatchkis--tacky --and I personally thought he did it to afford him some grace and pity..
Ain't know one going to be mean to a blind dude even if he did kill his Daddy, marry his Mother, and bore a bunch of daughters...
The end of Odi's life is unclear but I am pretty sure his brother-in-law took pity on him and kept Odi well fed in a tower somewhere.
The Blonde is done with another semester!
Oedipus had a screwy Mother who believed in prophecy and when an oracle told her her kid would kill her baby Daddy and marry her...
She did what any normal baby Mamma would do after reading the horoscope in the local news rag...
She and her husband pierced the babies feet and bound them together before handing over the bundle of curse over to a Sheppard who was to take the baby to the top of the cliff and leave it there to die of exposure..which is a nice term for starve, dehydrate, and freeze or burn to death.
But
and a big but...
The Shepard, ditched the dirty deed and handed the baby over to the royal family of the hood next door.
I am sure they paid better for adoption than the Thebes paid for the disposal but whatever..
Anywhoo..
to make a long Greek tragedy short...
Someone told Oedipus of his fate and he left his parents to save their lives.
Unfortunately they were not his real parents and so he left his safety zone
and low and behold
karma guided him directly into killing his real Daddy on the way out of town..
What are the odds of that happening without Apollo?
Anyhoo
He stops to play some casinos and he ends up cracking the Sphinx jeopardy game and this lushes Jocasta is all about the new guy and they marry
Jocasta and Odi-puss have daughters and rule the kingdom and have a great life and
SMACK!!!
Someone has to pee on their parade
Why they waited so long to avenge the death of the King...'Creon"?
not to mention names, Creon!
but seriously...was your promotion due, Creon?!!
Creon is to blame for the whole debacle if you ask me.
Creon got Odi all in a ruckus over the truth and when Odi finally digged the whole deep enough to uncover it
the hole was to be a grave for his Mother/ Wife after she hung herslef buy her own hair..that's commitment to suicide..seriously.
He stabs his eyes out with some gold chatchkis--tacky --and I personally thought he did it to afford him some grace and pity..
Ain't know one going to be mean to a blind dude even if he did kill his Daddy, marry his Mother, and bore a bunch of daughters...
The end of Odi's life is unclear but I am pretty sure his brother-in-law took pity on him and kept Odi well fed in a tower somewhere.
The Blonde is done with another semester!
Hamlet
and Oedipus have one thing in common...they are both tragically possessed by a victim complex.
Seriously, I want to knock Hamlet in the head and tell him to snap out of it but Horatio cock blocks me.
If Hamlet is crazy, it would be much easier to believe if Horatio and the two knights never saw dead Hamlet's Daddy smogging up the sky way with a truth of his murder.
The ghost is validated after Hamlet throws an impromptu play for the King- who murdered his papa and the Queen- which is his Mother who married the murderous King way before the body of Hamlet's beloved Father was cold..an issue Hamlet has a hard time trying to kick
many literature pros's have tried to link incestuous lust and behavior on the part of the King and Queen but they must be breathing down Freud's crazy train exhaust because if you read the play...
and you are privy to royalty and the wealthy's proclivity to keeping wealth in the family, they often do marry cousins and what nits..
Gross in this day but hardly unacceptable in the day of Shakespeare.
He was not introducing anything new to the wealthy, they did not patron his shows, but the poor sods who came in droves to his theater and bringing their ignorant mind, ate it up with such valour and disgust to make it more than it really was..
and then Freud and his f--ed up little mind just dug it out of the dusty library and made something of it to make his career..
Do not quote me and I am super tired and have not edited this...
The Blonde is letting the poison sword of tongue lay unedited tonight..in other words of tongue and pen..nothing different
Seriously, I want to knock Hamlet in the head and tell him to snap out of it but Horatio cock blocks me.
If Hamlet is crazy, it would be much easier to believe if Horatio and the two knights never saw dead Hamlet's Daddy smogging up the sky way with a truth of his murder.
The ghost is validated after Hamlet throws an impromptu play for the King- who murdered his papa and the Queen- which is his Mother who married the murderous King way before the body of Hamlet's beloved Father was cold..an issue Hamlet has a hard time trying to kick
many literature pros's have tried to link incestuous lust and behavior on the part of the King and Queen but they must be breathing down Freud's crazy train exhaust because if you read the play...
and you are privy to royalty and the wealthy's proclivity to keeping wealth in the family, they often do marry cousins and what nits..
Gross in this day but hardly unacceptable in the day of Shakespeare.
He was not introducing anything new to the wealthy, they did not patron his shows, but the poor sods who came in droves to his theater and bringing their ignorant mind, ate it up with such valour and disgust to make it more than it really was..
and then Freud and his f--ed up little mind just dug it out of the dusty library and made something of it to make his career..
Do not quote me and I am super tired and have not edited this...
The Blonde is letting the poison sword of tongue lay unedited tonight..in other words of tongue and pen..nothing different
11.25.2011
Purgatory
The proverbial nowhere.
Where you don't live, yet you don't go
Its where you are
and yet you are not there
no walls surround it
no gates lock it
no guards protect it
you can't arrive
you can't leave
There are no doors
There are no windows
No path that leads out
No path that leads in
The wind does not blow
The sun does not shine
The moon does not light the evening sky
For there is no night
There is no day
Mother Nature offers no season
Father Time offers no hand
Purgatory is not a place
for the condemned
for the sinner
or for the lost soul
Pergatory is a deceptive state of being that too many willingly embrace!
The Blonde would like to banish pergatory but to many embrace its comforts!!
Where you don't live, yet you don't go
Its where you are
and yet you are not there
no walls surround it
no gates lock it
no guards protect it
you can't arrive
you can't leave
There are no doors
There are no windows
No path that leads out
No path that leads in
The wind does not blow
The sun does not shine
The moon does not light the evening sky
For there is no night
There is no day
Mother Nature offers no season
Father Time offers no hand
Purgatory is not a place
for the condemned
for the sinner
or for the lost soul
Pergatory is a deceptive state of being that too many willingly embrace!
The Blonde would like to banish pergatory but to many embrace its comforts!!
11.19.2011
Retro Friday Tuned In for Today
I will play memory lane later...
this kinda music is needed for my people...
And my people won't vote!
11.18.2011
The Sunset Limited
In most people's mind it is a train that used to run from the Atlantic to the Pacific in the southern part of America.
But for many, the Sunset Limited was a final destination.
A ride they wanted to take all their life but never quite got a chance to.
They were so busy surviving and living inside humanities ills and rules that they had hardly anytime to enjoy a ride.
The Sunset Limited was going to be their last ride.
Their fond farewell.
Their trans-continental epiphany to the edge of the world.
This play, this story, this dialogue between an atheist and a believer is my epitaph from community college.
Its the final term paper I write before carrying on with a full blown university.
I can write a paper with my eyes closed but this one...
this one...
I need to be great!
I need to blow this one out of the park, and not because it means anything to anyone or a final A in my Associate studies but because...
I need to know that even with out a reason or an end or a prize...
That I...
I...
have it in me to give my best when the world keeps throwing me their worst!!
The Blonde has no limitations!!!
11.13.2011
The King and All of His men
The Blonde is a wench who will gladly serve up some media for this fab band!!!
OneRepublic
Life is lived in a blink of an eye...music we love chronicles how we feel in a nano-milla second of that blink and lingers on...
Load up my headstone with the mp3's of my life but don't bury me...
I have a panic attack just thinking of being in a box buried 6ft below..what a scary place to be...
Take me out to sea in a giant yacht, blast some music, shoot some somalian pirates, and firecracker my ashes over the harbor in Cannes!!!
If you could wait 30 to 40 years before I die of natural causes that would be great~!!
11.11.2011
Compliments of Toys
When the novelty of war wears off, we as a society, a nation, a people, a species, an inhabitant
will realize way too late that we are arguing over things that do not belong to us..and it will be taken away by humanities own hands
the irony is we will be destroyed before we learn our lesson
We no longer deserve redemption.
We deserve destruction, doom, and death...
Let a new species come about us..
We have digressed in the years of our fore fathers and the eye of the pyramid looks at us and realizes we honor the dollar bill more than humanity...
I say send a giant asteroid and let us start over.
The Blonde can't wait to come back to a simple Utopian world!!
Veteran's Day
My deepest respect to every soldier, past and present!!!
The Blonde's love and respect for our brave soldiers carry 365!!
The Blonde's love and respect for our brave soldiers carry 365!!
Friday Music Lesson Commences
Ben Howard is soulful and brilliant and definately worth a spot in your personal music catalog
I can only pray that in my next life, God will honor me with the talent for music.
The Blonde bows to these musical demi gods!!!
Bruno Mars
It will rain...
I know its raining for someone today because I walked by a dead cat in the parking lot of an office building and after searching craigslist..I found the owner and broke the news...
How sad..
My heart hurts for you today....
I wish I knew what happened to my Pepa...
Closure sometimes has to be found within...
The Blonde rather closure from outside sources!!!!
11.10.2011
The Tin Man was Lucky not to have a heart
...this was a tweet that came my way...
If the Tin man was lucky enough to not have a heart..than why did he want one so bad?
He must have heard something good about having a heart, otherwise he would have told Dorothy to F-- Off and go on his own merry way.
Why did the Lion want courage?
Where did he learn it was wrong to be a coward?
The Scarecrow wanted....what the fuck did he want...
Pause..
need to google..
Oh holy crap..he wanted a brain...lol..I forgot that a few aspire to have a brain.
We are so busy dumbing down society to fit the needs of our politicians, we forget to smart up in an effort to help our fellow man and woman.
I am not voting and I hope you follow in not voting as well. It will send a statement to no one and the electoral college will vote for who they want any way but it would show the smart people that their vote does not really count.
The dumb people will still be oblivious of the outcome because Wal Mart, KFC and McDonalds have yet to put in flat screens.
Voting gives people the belief they have control over our government.
The government is not about the people anymore..its grown too large, too ineffective, and self serving.
I think I am like most Americans when I say...I just don't give a shiite anymore ( unless I can stuff one and hang him over my mantle)...I am not voting because nothing is going to change and I am not wasting the $4.50 gallon of gas to get my voice discounted.
I will be hosting a very large party on election day...It will be off the coast of Italy...
The Blonde thinks the elections belong in the Enquirer not in the news!~!!
If the Tin man was lucky enough to not have a heart..than why did he want one so bad?
He must have heard something good about having a heart, otherwise he would have told Dorothy to F-- Off and go on his own merry way.
Why did the Lion want courage?
Where did he learn it was wrong to be a coward?
The Scarecrow wanted....what the fuck did he want...
Pause..
need to google..
Oh holy crap..he wanted a brain...lol..I forgot that a few aspire to have a brain.
We are so busy dumbing down society to fit the needs of our politicians, we forget to smart up in an effort to help our fellow man and woman.
I am not voting and I hope you follow in not voting as well. It will send a statement to no one and the electoral college will vote for who they want any way but it would show the smart people that their vote does not really count.
The dumb people will still be oblivious of the outcome because Wal Mart, KFC and McDonalds have yet to put in flat screens.
Voting gives people the belief they have control over our government.
The government is not about the people anymore..its grown too large, too ineffective, and self serving.
I think I am like most Americans when I say...I just don't give a shiite anymore ( unless I can stuff one and hang him over my mantle)...I am not voting because nothing is going to change and I am not wasting the $4.50 gallon of gas to get my voice discounted.
I will be hosting a very large party on election day...It will be off the coast of Italy...
The Blonde thinks the elections belong in the Enquirer not in the news!~!!
11.02.2011
Masking Our History
It is hard to face the fact that we have all been assholes through our lives when it comes to social change...but if we can just say..yes..we were assholes..apologize... and find a way to fix our thinking...
IT IS A START!!
We all deserve a second chance..maybe not in personal life but in our society..we may have been influenced improperly by the media and neighbors and we should be able to correct it.
My Mother used to tell me, if you were sorry, you would have nothing to apologize for in the first place.
She is one giant hypocrite and although her message did not ring true for her..it did ring true for me.
I will not apologize for anything because I didn't hurt anyone based on jealousy, anger, lies, ill intent, or greed.
If I loved someone, it was because I loved them..Raine, Augusto, Dallas...
and I understand they did not maliciously hurt me...they were unlovable...they could not love...
at least not me...
and its OK..
I owe no apology other than to my Boo..my gift from God and one I wish I was more worthy of...
I got the Holy Grail of Sons...
He may be a pain in the ass to me, his MOM, but in the real world..
He is a leader,
He is a kind and generous lover,
He is a brilliant man!!!!
Yet, not a push over.
He is strong and stubborn and perfect!!!
And with solid resolution; he will defend his lover, his family, his country, and his God...
And he is leaving for Afghanistan next month...
The Blonde can not hide her fears!!
IT IS A START!!
We all deserve a second chance..maybe not in personal life but in our society..we may have been influenced improperly by the media and neighbors and we should be able to correct it.
My Mother used to tell me, if you were sorry, you would have nothing to apologize for in the first place.
She is one giant hypocrite and although her message did not ring true for her..it did ring true for me.
I will not apologize for anything because I didn't hurt anyone based on jealousy, anger, lies, ill intent, or greed.
If I loved someone, it was because I loved them..Raine, Augusto, Dallas...
and I understand they did not maliciously hurt me...they were unlovable...they could not love...
at least not me...
and its OK..
I owe no apology other than to my Boo..my gift from God and one I wish I was more worthy of...
I got the Holy Grail of Sons...
He may be a pain in the ass to me, his MOM, but in the real world..
He is a leader,
He is a kind and generous lover,
He is a brilliant man!!!!
Yet, not a push over.
He is strong and stubborn and perfect!!!
And with solid resolution; he will defend his lover, his family, his country, and his God...
And he is leaving for Afghanistan next month...
The Blonde can not hide her fears!!
10.29.2011
10.26.2011
I Must Rebel
or digress..there is no way in hell I am not buying something designer this year and so what is my favorite fashion...
Boots
I bought another pair of over the top, over the knew Rebel Luma boots.
I would not call these super designer like Laboutin or Jimmy Choo...but for me they are perfect for school and my trip to New York.
For the holidays, I am treating myself to a trip to New York. I found a fab little boutique hotel called the Library Hotel..Its concept is based on the dewey decimal system. I thought it would be fun to cram the end of semester studying in at the New York Public Library and do some walking, walking, walking...
The only excercise I have gotten is sitting at my desk, bouncing on an excercise ball.
I need to get away from my desk!
The Blonde is going vogue!!
Boots
I bought another pair of over the top, over the knew Rebel Luma boots.
I would not call these super designer like Laboutin or Jimmy Choo...but for me they are perfect for school and my trip to New York.
For the holidays, I am treating myself to a trip to New York. I found a fab little boutique hotel called the Library Hotel..Its concept is based on the dewey decimal system. I thought it would be fun to cram the end of semester studying in at the New York Public Library and do some walking, walking, walking...
The only excercise I have gotten is sitting at my desk, bouncing on an excercise ball.
I need to get away from my desk!
The Blonde is going vogue!!
10.25.2011
Taking Risks
I am taking baby steps to create a little risk in my life.
I started depositing money back into my miniscule Ameritrade account. I am building my money market account and eventually will get back to trading futures and options.
Believe it or not, I was actually pretty good at it.
I had a major loss when I let my X participate in my account and I lost my shirt on coffee.
I also made the mistake of trusting a trader in California to handle my corn trades back before ethanol was involved and he did not place my order and I again lost my shirt.
Something about men and my money end up with me in the red.
I am finding life much easier to handle and much more proseprous without a man around.
I think I like this new life style.
Its me again, on my own and not caring about having a man in my life.
I like this.
No to say, I am not lonely at times but I am not going to let that deter me and look for something that I really don;t want or need to fulifll an emptiness.
Money can fill that void for me.
I could take my money and grab a flat, buy a new car, or fill my closet again with designer goods but you know what?
Those things don't make me feel better about me...
Those things make other people feel better about me...
and I don't need anyone to feel better about me.
I feel pretty great on my own.
I rather sink my money back into the markets and take a little financial risk again.
Its always panned out so much better than a man.
Life is coming back full circle.
Baby steps to get there but I will.
I will get back everything I lost and more.
All I can say is...
Who the hell needs a man around?
The Blonde found a new market!!
I started depositing money back into my miniscule Ameritrade account. I am building my money market account and eventually will get back to trading futures and options.
Believe it or not, I was actually pretty good at it.
I had a major loss when I let my X participate in my account and I lost my shirt on coffee.
I also made the mistake of trusting a trader in California to handle my corn trades back before ethanol was involved and he did not place my order and I again lost my shirt.
Something about men and my money end up with me in the red.
I am finding life much easier to handle and much more proseprous without a man around.
I think I like this new life style.
Its me again, on my own and not caring about having a man in my life.
I like this.
No to say, I am not lonely at times but I am not going to let that deter me and look for something that I really don;t want or need to fulifll an emptiness.
Money can fill that void for me.
I could take my money and grab a flat, buy a new car, or fill my closet again with designer goods but you know what?
Those things don't make me feel better about me...
Those things make other people feel better about me...
and I don't need anyone to feel better about me.
I feel pretty great on my own.
I rather sink my money back into the markets and take a little financial risk again.
Its always panned out so much better than a man.
Life is coming back full circle.
Baby steps to get there but I will.
I will get back everything I lost and more.
All I can say is...
Who the hell needs a man around?
The Blonde found a new market!!
10.23.2011
The Dingy Blonde
I am the dingy blonde.
My whole life I have been waiting for someone to help pull me in from the ocean.
It gets tiring swimming against the tide.
The waves grow larger.
The water grows deeper.
And after treading and swimming on my own, I reach for someone, anyone...to pull me in.
And they do...
I can always find someone to pull me in...
but only to the dingy...
never to the boat.
I drift behind the boat in a dingy...
and I am so grateful just for not having to tread, all alone, anyomore, that I take that dingy as if it were the boat.
But as I float in that dingy...I begin to see the boat in front of me.
And I wonder, why can;t I come on the boat?
What is it about me, that no one ever pulls me in all the way?
I have been floating on the back end of someone's boat for so long being grateful for so little.
And now, I don;t ask anymore...I just never reach out anymore.
I don't need a dingy.
I have been treading this long.
I have built strength and endurance.
I will keep swimming.
What choice do I have.
Drown?!
Not a chance.
The Blonde is too stubborn to get in anyone's dingy again!!!
My whole life I have been waiting for someone to help pull me in from the ocean.
It gets tiring swimming against the tide.
The waves grow larger.
The water grows deeper.
And after treading and swimming on my own, I reach for someone, anyone...to pull me in.
And they do...
I can always find someone to pull me in...
but only to the dingy...
never to the boat.
I drift behind the boat in a dingy...
and I am so grateful just for not having to tread, all alone, anyomore, that I take that dingy as if it were the boat.
But as I float in that dingy...I begin to see the boat in front of me.
And I wonder, why can;t I come on the boat?
What is it about me, that no one ever pulls me in all the way?
I have been floating on the back end of someone's boat for so long being grateful for so little.
And now, I don;t ask anymore...I just never reach out anymore.
I don't need a dingy.
I have been treading this long.
I have built strength and endurance.
I will keep swimming.
What choice do I have.
Drown?!
Not a chance.
The Blonde is too stubborn to get in anyone's dingy again!!!
10.21.2011
Cheap Flights
Who the fuck do you think I am?
I had a credit that I was willing to use to meet up with you in NOLA..
but you chose to pay for my flight..
I gave you the dates I was willing to fly and you ignored them...
You are trying to find the cheapest flight and the longest stay to accomadate your sexual needs at a T.J. Maxx discount.
Are you fucking kidding me?!!
Where did desperate fornication show up on profile?!
I will ditch you plane ticket in a blink of an eye.
Your ticket is non-refundable...
And you don't get a refund as far as I am concerned!!!
The Blonde will never be discounted!!!
I had a credit that I was willing to use to meet up with you in NOLA..
but you chose to pay for my flight..
I gave you the dates I was willing to fly and you ignored them...
You are trying to find the cheapest flight and the longest stay to accomadate your sexual needs at a T.J. Maxx discount.
Are you fucking kidding me?!!
Where did desperate fornication show up on profile?!
I will ditch you plane ticket in a blink of an eye.
Your ticket is non-refundable...
And you don't get a refund as far as I am concerned!!!
The Blonde will never be discounted!!!
10.14.2011
I Wish It Would Rain
Yes..that is Eric Clapton and Phil Collins...
If I were blessed, I would have been married to Phil Collins forever....
And before I loved Phil...I loved Jack Lemmon...
Silly for a 15 year old to love Jack Lemmon; he was so old; but it was something on the inside, behind those eyes...
Phil has that...that something behind those eyes
Something that makes me want to cry and hold them until they stop hurting...
but now...my eyes are not the same....
I don't see anyone's hurt but my own...
The Blonde is still well aware of her fucked up ness!!
If I were blessed, I would have been married to Phil Collins forever....
And before I loved Phil...I loved Jack Lemmon...
Silly for a 15 year old to love Jack Lemmon; he was so old; but it was something on the inside, behind those eyes...
Phil has that...that something behind those eyes
Something that makes me want to cry and hold them until they stop hurting...
but now...my eyes are not the same....
I don't see anyone's hurt but my own...
The Blonde is still well aware of her fucked up ness!!
10.13.2011
Old School
What happened to it?
And where can I go to get it back?
While I may not get back to the days of youth, I can smirk in the satisfaction looking up old boyfriends on facebook and finding them still 'fine' looking.
I picked right back then. I picked for looks only and it served me well, and every time I travel back in time and sneak a peak at my old boyfriends...I smile..
I do more than smile...
I grin from ear to ear thinking that could have been mine right now.
But memories and realities co-mingle into a fuzzy warm memory less than the reality of it..but isn't that the way we remember?
Isn't that the way we see things?
In a soft glow and pink light when we recall our past...
Our life, now in full fluorescent light, just waiting to catch us under the wrong shadow and reveal every horrible wrinkle we have accumulated on our face.
How cruel time can be when its spent as a single woman?
Single men do not have that queer misfortune...the wish of a soft pink glow of light is a women's fate..
Men are too busy thinking their money carries their looks; they hardly bother to look in the mirror and look for any inclination as to question the color of their bathroom bulb?
The Audacity!!
As charming as it is...LOL
But men are not my concern tonight...
Tonight, I am concerned about me, and the reality of Whittier's words...
"What if?"
Women, even the wealthiest ones, never look to their money for affirmation...
They foolishly look for love and create a false sense of love in the men they find to have...
and unlike men, the mirror is much more harsh in the eyes of a female beholder...
much, much more beholding...
A woman can't only be wealthy-she needs to be young and pretty and charming and daring and worthy...
of what?
No!! seriously!! I am asking...
I am still asking...
and sooooooo.....
and so she places pretty soft pink illuminating bulbs in all her powder rooms ...giving her the false sense of a youth and softness that has long since vanished.
Pink lighting for the lady and blue steel for the gentleman's vault...
Bravo!!!
Bravo!!!
Bravo!!
We are old school!!
We are the dusty old yearbook that no one will sign any more.
When they say all the good ones are taken...its true..they are...
I am not a good one
and now I do not aspire to be that one for someone
because they are no better than me
If I were normal...I would have been able to hold onto one of those lovely picture perfect men that I see clinging to their wives on facebook.
but I am not and neither are any of the idiots I have dated!
We are of the same feather and we will always flock together...
My Ex's think they are so much better than me and in the end; they are too much like me
Damaged goods!!
Brilliantly damaged and bruised to such imperfection that neither of us dare look at oursleves in the mirror as we truely are!!!
and now...
I grin and smirk and smile at the thought of that!!
Its OK, the Blonde knows she will never graduate!!!
And where can I go to get it back?
While I may not get back to the days of youth, I can smirk in the satisfaction looking up old boyfriends on facebook and finding them still 'fine' looking.
I picked right back then. I picked for looks only and it served me well, and every time I travel back in time and sneak a peak at my old boyfriends...I smile..
I do more than smile...
I grin from ear to ear thinking that could have been mine right now.
But memories and realities co-mingle into a fuzzy warm memory less than the reality of it..but isn't that the way we remember?
Isn't that the way we see things?
In a soft glow and pink light when we recall our past...
Our life, now in full fluorescent light, just waiting to catch us under the wrong shadow and reveal every horrible wrinkle we have accumulated on our face.
How cruel time can be when its spent as a single woman?
Single men do not have that queer misfortune...the wish of a soft pink glow of light is a women's fate..
Men are too busy thinking their money carries their looks; they hardly bother to look in the mirror and look for any inclination as to question the color of their bathroom bulb?
The Audacity!!
As charming as it is...LOL
But men are not my concern tonight...
Tonight, I am concerned about me, and the reality of Whittier's words...
"What if?"
Women, even the wealthiest ones, never look to their money for affirmation...
They foolishly look for love and create a false sense of love in the men they find to have...
and unlike men, the mirror is much more harsh in the eyes of a female beholder...
much, much more beholding...
A woman can't only be wealthy-she needs to be young and pretty and charming and daring and worthy...
of what?
No!! seriously!! I am asking...
I am still asking...
and sooooooo.....
and so she places pretty soft pink illuminating bulbs in all her powder rooms ...giving her the false sense of a youth and softness that has long since vanished.
Pink lighting for the lady and blue steel for the gentleman's vault...
Bravo!!!
Bravo!!!
Bravo!!
We are old school!!
We are the dusty old yearbook that no one will sign any more.
When they say all the good ones are taken...its true..they are...
I am not a good one
and now I do not aspire to be that one for someone
because they are no better than me
If I were normal...I would have been able to hold onto one of those lovely picture perfect men that I see clinging to their wives on facebook.
but I am not and neither are any of the idiots I have dated!
We are of the same feather and we will always flock together...
My Ex's think they are so much better than me and in the end; they are too much like me
Damaged goods!!
Brilliantly damaged and bruised to such imperfection that neither of us dare look at oursleves in the mirror as we truely are!!!
and now...
I grin and smirk and smile at the thought of that!!
Its OK, the Blonde knows she will never graduate!!!
10.09.2011
Ah Quiet
It is super quiet today, the television that usually blasts 24 hours of opinionated news is off and I was befreinded by the liberal on my facebook this weekend after I suggested he do more activism or do more shutting the hell up.
I am tired of the complaining and the bitching from all fronts regarding politics. Obviously nothing is going to be done to correct the situation from the status quo.
And the poepl in power do not care about the status quo. They care about their pockets, their freind's pockets, and what they can do to keep full pockets and power.
The little blonde like me has to put up with it and just find a way to live happy while under the direction of these dip heads.
And nothing will be fixed since everyone has a special interest in themselves.
Let's stop the bitching.
Geez..I feel like I am married to a bitchy wife having to hear her complain all day about something she is not happy with.
And if I wanted to divorce, I wouldn't be able to because I can't afford to move away.
That is where the American people are.
Stuck with a bitch that we can't afford to seperate from.
The Blonde is tuning out!!
I am tired of the complaining and the bitching from all fronts regarding politics. Obviously nothing is going to be done to correct the situation from the status quo.
And the poepl in power do not care about the status quo. They care about their pockets, their freind's pockets, and what they can do to keep full pockets and power.
The little blonde like me has to put up with it and just find a way to live happy while under the direction of these dip heads.
And nothing will be fixed since everyone has a special interest in themselves.
Let's stop the bitching.
Geez..I feel like I am married to a bitchy wife having to hear her complain all day about something she is not happy with.
And if I wanted to divorce, I wouldn't be able to because I can't afford to move away.
That is where the American people are.
Stuck with a bitch that we can't afford to seperate from.
The Blonde is tuning out!!
10.08.2011
Bring It On Crooners
Some music dedications to all those lonely hearts out there...Music is the one and only thing you can count!!
10.07.2011
The Common Denominator
I can't have the ones I want and I don't want the ones I can have...
The Blonde is pretty sure that = single!!
The Blonde is pretty sure that = single!!
10.06.2011
Rural And Urban
do not mesh...
There are great looking Texas men but they live in Austin and Dallas. Houston not so much...they have the pudgy fingers and they are a little too rugged for my taste.
When i talk Texan..I mean people that live way out in Dirtsville around the edges of no city. Their manners are brash and they are cocky without having anything to be arrogant about.
I thought it would be nice if I give Mr. Barnyard one more chance to redeem himself but he proved to have manners of a horsefly.
Thrice did he interrupt me in mid statement on the phone to take another call. He is not a surgeon nor running a covert operation...he has email and the calls best waited.
He might want to reconsider going to charm school and try picking up manners by mistake.
I doubt he could learn them...you can't teach old dogs...
He is definitely not worth the mileage on my car.
Personally I don't think he had phone calls at all. I think he had a temper tantrum and just hung up because I told him again I was not riding out to the country to spend the weekend with him.
What ever happened to dating and getting to know someone?
These guys know that if you keep getting to know them...they will never get laid!!
The Blonde is sticking to southern mannered city dwellers only.
There are great looking Texas men but they live in Austin and Dallas. Houston not so much...they have the pudgy fingers and they are a little too rugged for my taste.
When i talk Texan..I mean people that live way out in Dirtsville around the edges of no city. Their manners are brash and they are cocky without having anything to be arrogant about.
I thought it would be nice if I give Mr. Barnyard one more chance to redeem himself but he proved to have manners of a horsefly.
Thrice did he interrupt me in mid statement on the phone to take another call. He is not a surgeon nor running a covert operation...he has email and the calls best waited.
He might want to reconsider going to charm school and try picking up manners by mistake.
I doubt he could learn them...you can't teach old dogs...
He is definitely not worth the mileage on my car.
Personally I don't think he had phone calls at all. I think he had a temper tantrum and just hung up because I told him again I was not riding out to the country to spend the weekend with him.
What ever happened to dating and getting to know someone?
These guys know that if you keep getting to know them...they will never get laid!!
The Blonde is sticking to southern mannered city dwellers only.
10.05.2011
Adderall
I try not to use ADD medicine and work on my own but with work, school ,ad Boo going off to Afghan..something had to give...
And it was my focus!!
I can't get through Aristotle and Plato and deal with the down trodden dieter without some of my sanity breaking.
So I took the plunge and went to the Doctor..it had been so long since I have seen my MD that I forgot his name and where the office was.
It took some serious recall!!
I got the prescription and went to my neighborhood pharmacy.
What is funny? The woman in front of me was having a conniption fit because her medicine was out of stock.
Guess what?!
Her meds were the same one I was trying to get.
Apparently, the Westlakey Mothers used up all their kids Adderall for dieting purposes and now they are all in a refill frenzy mode to replace the meds for their kid's mid-terms.
The woman in front of me looked like she was dealing with her Drug Daddy than she did a pharmacist. When he told her that they were out, you could see her begin to twitch like a zebra with horse flies.
She serously needs to step away from the counter. But she did not. her little head swirled like Linda Blair in that devil movie and I might have exaggerated this..but she seemed to spew venom from her eyes at me when she thought I was going to push her aside from the 'drop-off' counter at the local Heebee Jeebees.
I think the junior pharmacist saw I was about to be eaten by the adderall-a-medusa and she quickly saved me by pulling me to another 'drop-off' window.
While out of harms way the junior pharmacist explained to me that the entire lot of adderall had been carnaged in the entire Westlakey and Bee Keys area.
I looked at the bug-eyed speed Mom next to me and simply said..."No Problem"
And then I calmly left the building like anyone who was not hooked on prescription speed would.
Ahh Haaa!!!!!
I didn't go so ballistic..I merely went up the street 10 miles and found Target outside the Westlakey zone and they filled me up.
let this be a warning to you...Woman that you marry because you think they are perfect are hardly that and you deserve what you wish for!!!
You wonder why women are bitches and their kids bullies?!!
Think Stepford!
Think Adderall!
If you do not have A.D.D. and take adderall than you are just a speed freak in a fancy zip code kidding yourself!!
Think!!!
Meanwhile, I will be thinking Plato, Aristotle, and the ethics that govern our lives!
And still struggling with A.D.D.
The Blonde wont abuse a good thing!!
And it was my focus!!
I can't get through Aristotle and Plato and deal with the down trodden dieter without some of my sanity breaking.
So I took the plunge and went to the Doctor..it had been so long since I have seen my MD that I forgot his name and where the office was.
It took some serious recall!!
I got the prescription and went to my neighborhood pharmacy.
What is funny? The woman in front of me was having a conniption fit because her medicine was out of stock.
Guess what?!
Her meds were the same one I was trying to get.
Apparently, the Westlakey Mothers used up all their kids Adderall for dieting purposes and now they are all in a refill frenzy mode to replace the meds for their kid's mid-terms.
The woman in front of me looked like she was dealing with her Drug Daddy than she did a pharmacist. When he told her that they were out, you could see her begin to twitch like a zebra with horse flies.
She serously needs to step away from the counter. But she did not. her little head swirled like Linda Blair in that devil movie and I might have exaggerated this..but she seemed to spew venom from her eyes at me when she thought I was going to push her aside from the 'drop-off' counter at the local Heebee Jeebees.
I think the junior pharmacist saw I was about to be eaten by the adderall-a-medusa and she quickly saved me by pulling me to another 'drop-off' window.
While out of harms way the junior pharmacist explained to me that the entire lot of adderall had been carnaged in the entire Westlakey and Bee Keys area.
I looked at the bug-eyed speed Mom next to me and simply said..."No Problem"
And then I calmly left the building like anyone who was not hooked on prescription speed would.
Ahh Haaa!!!!!
I didn't go so ballistic..I merely went up the street 10 miles and found Target outside the Westlakey zone and they filled me up.
let this be a warning to you...Woman that you marry because you think they are perfect are hardly that and you deserve what you wish for!!!
You wonder why women are bitches and their kids bullies?!!
Think Stepford!
Think Adderall!
If you do not have A.D.D. and take adderall than you are just a speed freak in a fancy zip code kidding yourself!!
Think!!!
Meanwhile, I will be thinking Plato, Aristotle, and the ethics that govern our lives!
And still struggling with A.D.D.
The Blonde wont abuse a good thing!!
Oh Lord, Texans!!
what the hell do you do with them?
As a woman, I say throw them back in the Brazos River and let them float away.
I just don't understand Texas men who think they are God's gift to women when clearly--they are not!!
They have mirrors but they don't see anything but what they make and not who they are.
They think flashing their things around is going to make a girl want to play their house buddy when they are bored yet they never plan on taking care of them.
Its all about the Texan being taken care of and the woman is just the 'little lady' in the house who needs to be seen with big tits and not heard--especially if she has a political opinion.
They want the woman to be super attractive when they look like an obese midget with giantism...
Seriously they all have stubby fingers..its very odd!!
What the baffook (new word)?!!
I have to fish outside the Texas pond for my men because clearly this East coast girl can not deal!!
The Blonde likes out of state!!!
As a woman, I say throw them back in the Brazos River and let them float away.
I just don't understand Texas men who think they are God's gift to women when clearly--they are not!!
They have mirrors but they don't see anything but what they make and not who they are.
They think flashing their things around is going to make a girl want to play their house buddy when they are bored yet they never plan on taking care of them.
Its all about the Texan being taken care of and the woman is just the 'little lady' in the house who needs to be seen with big tits and not heard--especially if she has a political opinion.
They want the woman to be super attractive when they look like an obese midget with giantism...
Seriously they all have stubby fingers..its very odd!!
What the baffook (new word)?!!
I have to fish outside the Texas pond for my men because clearly this East coast girl can not deal!!
The Blonde likes out of state!!!
Gone, Gone, And Gone
I finally cleared out my guy friend pantry.
Its funny, I hate telling men i don;t love them when I actually still do but it seems the only way to get them to go away.
Its harsh but I have to do what is best for me and having lingering 'friends' around that I am secretly hoping a commitment from is just stupid-in my opinion.
Plus, we all know how I feel about past sexual relationships turning into friendship that really is just a front for playing safe and still keeping the girl.
If a man can't commit to me, than he does not get to keep me as a comfort blanket.
End of story.
The new story is a whole new genre of men. I have a NOLA visit coming up with a hottie from Facebook that I have been putting off.
I am not really looking for much these days. I need to finish school and see where that road leads me.
I am hoping it leads me down a silk road where money will be no object and i can travel and find men in unusually fabulous places up and down Italian Riviera.
Why settle for Americans; when their is a world of men to meet!!
The Blonde just needs to finish her law degree!!!
Its funny, I hate telling men i don;t love them when I actually still do but it seems the only way to get them to go away.
Its harsh but I have to do what is best for me and having lingering 'friends' around that I am secretly hoping a commitment from is just stupid-in my opinion.
Plus, we all know how I feel about past sexual relationships turning into friendship that really is just a front for playing safe and still keeping the girl.
If a man can't commit to me, than he does not get to keep me as a comfort blanket.
End of story.
The new story is a whole new genre of men. I have a NOLA visit coming up with a hottie from Facebook that I have been putting off.
I am not really looking for much these days. I need to finish school and see where that road leads me.
I am hoping it leads me down a silk road where money will be no object and i can travel and find men in unusually fabulous places up and down Italian Riviera.
Why settle for Americans; when their is a world of men to meet!!
The Blonde just needs to finish her law degree!!!
9.29.2011
There Are No Second Chances
Not true...
There are plenty of second chances. They may not be in the same direction as you once took but there are if you keep going.
Change up your navigation until the right road is taken and then the world will open new roads to steer you in the direction that you were supposed to take all along.
So, if you think about it...screwing up a first chance might be becaause you were suppose to.
I just finished my ethics exams and did very well. I aced my literature essays, and I have a complete application in to UT.
My law degree is a little closer to happening.
Something that should have happened long ago..or should it have?
Maybe I need to go through all the things I have in order to get to this patch of road...
The road untried...
The road with risk and hope and all the good things tied up in not giving up.
its very evident to me that a housewife is not my destiny.
Something is and I am excited to find out.
In the meanwhile, I have no desire to settle with anyone nor let them settle upon me and steer me off the wrong path.
That being said....
The Blonde is alright with being single forever!!!
There are plenty of second chances. They may not be in the same direction as you once took but there are if you keep going.
Change up your navigation until the right road is taken and then the world will open new roads to steer you in the direction that you were supposed to take all along.
So, if you think about it...screwing up a first chance might be becaause you were suppose to.
I just finished my ethics exams and did very well. I aced my literature essays, and I have a complete application in to UT.
My law degree is a little closer to happening.
Something that should have happened long ago..or should it have?
Maybe I need to go through all the things I have in order to get to this patch of road...
The road untried...
The road with risk and hope and all the good things tied up in not giving up.
its very evident to me that a housewife is not my destiny.
Something is and I am excited to find out.
In the meanwhile, I have no desire to settle with anyone nor let them settle upon me and steer me off the wrong path.
That being said....
The Blonde is alright with being single forever!!!
9.26.2011
Whose Rockin the Written Life?
At the moment I am.
I have given up on trying to follow a life that obviously is not mine.
Through all my adjustments and failures, I have finally figured out that my life was written long ago...and all I need to do is go with the flow and not sweat the small stuff.
Life has something in store for me...and I am just going to ride the ride...and hopefully in the end...
I will be at peace.
Happiness I have
Love I have
Family I have
Friends I have
Joy I have
What more do I need?
If I wish for wealth than I am wishing for something I already have.
My Utopia is loving the world as it is given to me.
And I think I am finally getting that in baby steps!!
The Blonde is in no rush to discover the rest of life!!!
I have given up on trying to follow a life that obviously is not mine.
Through all my adjustments and failures, I have finally figured out that my life was written long ago...and all I need to do is go with the flow and not sweat the small stuff.
Life has something in store for me...and I am just going to ride the ride...and hopefully in the end...
I will be at peace.
Happiness I have
Love I have
Family I have
Friends I have
Joy I have
What more do I need?
If I wish for wealth than I am wishing for something I already have.
My Utopia is loving the world as it is given to me.
And I think I am finally getting that in baby steps!!
The Blonde is in no rush to discover the rest of life!!!
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