The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers!!
BUT WHAT IS MOST CONCERNING TO ME IS THE IDIOTS WHO CAME UP WITH THE QUESTIONS!!!
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious (do dishes) can be soft as your face.
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
And why did the Blonde waste her time in school?
6.24.2011
I am pre-Legally Blonde
Who is headed to law school?
The Blonde is!!
I am formally accepted to Baylor and still waiting to hear from SMU but Baylor is a litigation law school and who better to argue out her past aggressions on unsuspecting jurors?
I am!!
The whole world has shifted today. I no longer feel like I am in limbo and its not because the Catholic church decided to do away with it.
Its because my life is moving in a forward motion. Yes, I still have trouble with finances this summer but if I can hold out just two more months...I am still not going to be golden but I will have a bit of worth with grants and scholarships and with a little bit a faith...a part time job in a law firm in Waco.
Waco...I know its bubbaville but my car will blend much better in Waco than Dallas.
I don;t want to live in a rich person's world being poor. I feel more comfortable playing an average Jess in a rural town where I can rent a small farm shack and have room for art, sewing, studying, and yes...even maybe a mini dairy cow to babysit my obnoxious cats.
Fate brought me this opportunity just as much as I have worked for it. I am going where the Gods lead me and if its in the middle of bum fucked Egypt...
I will take it.
I will gladly go where I was never willing to go before and its exciting and its scarey and I am finally brave enough to meet the challenge.
The excitement will soon wear off like the Miami fun did but at least now, I know I am headed somewhere.
I have a road map.
Its been carved out before I was born, I just never followed it. I made the mistake of trying to change things but I really do believe that my life was cast and my only failure was refusing to see it.
This time, the Blonde is following her map!!
The Blonde is!!
I am formally accepted to Baylor and still waiting to hear from SMU but Baylor is a litigation law school and who better to argue out her past aggressions on unsuspecting jurors?
I am!!
The whole world has shifted today. I no longer feel like I am in limbo and its not because the Catholic church decided to do away with it.
Its because my life is moving in a forward motion. Yes, I still have trouble with finances this summer but if I can hold out just two more months...I am still not going to be golden but I will have a bit of worth with grants and scholarships and with a little bit a faith...a part time job in a law firm in Waco.
Waco...I know its bubbaville but my car will blend much better in Waco than Dallas.
I don;t want to live in a rich person's world being poor. I feel more comfortable playing an average Jess in a rural town where I can rent a small farm shack and have room for art, sewing, studying, and yes...even maybe a mini dairy cow to babysit my obnoxious cats.
Fate brought me this opportunity just as much as I have worked for it. I am going where the Gods lead me and if its in the middle of bum fucked Egypt...
I will take it.
I will gladly go where I was never willing to go before and its exciting and its scarey and I am finally brave enough to meet the challenge.
The excitement will soon wear off like the Miami fun did but at least now, I know I am headed somewhere.
I have a road map.
Its been carved out before I was born, I just never followed it. I made the mistake of trying to change things but I really do believe that my life was cast and my only failure was refusing to see it.
This time, the Blonde is following her map!!
6.23.2011
Blonde Moment #...
I lost count!
So I had a blonde moment yesterday. Boo and I were coming home from the store and he left the wiondow down in my car. I went to get in and turn the key to put the window up.
"What are you doing?"
"I am putting the window up."
"Why don't you just put the key in the door and turn it until the window goes up?"
"My car doesn't do that."
"Oh my Gah, Mother how long have you been driving the car?"
"A long freakin time."
"Turn the key until it locks and hold it. Seriously?!" As he continues to shake his head and rub his eyes in dismay.
So I took the key out of the ingnition without rolling up the window. I got out of the car, shut the door, placed the key in the lock, twisted the key, and held it for a few seconds.
Low and behold...the angels appeared and rolled up my window from the outside of the door.
I wonder what else my car can do?
Uhh, big duh for the blonde!!
So I had a blonde moment yesterday. Boo and I were coming home from the store and he left the wiondow down in my car. I went to get in and turn the key to put the window up.
"What are you doing?"
"I am putting the window up."
"Why don't you just put the key in the door and turn it until the window goes up?"
"My car doesn't do that."
"Oh my Gah, Mother how long have you been driving the car?"
"A long freakin time."
"Turn the key until it locks and hold it. Seriously?!" As he continues to shake his head and rub his eyes in dismay.
So I took the key out of the ingnition without rolling up the window. I got out of the car, shut the door, placed the key in the lock, twisted the key, and held it for a few seconds.
Low and behold...the angels appeared and rolled up my window from the outside of the door.
I wonder what else my car can do?
Uhh, big duh for the blonde!!
6.19.2011
My Therapy
This blog is my therapy. I am pretty sure not many people read it. If I got a high view rate, I assume its the videos from youtube that account for the numbers.
And its alright. If no one read this blog, I would still be fine. To me, this blog is just a way to air my thoughts and feelings since I have no one to vent to.
Today, Babs called to wish Big D a Happy F day and I could feel the coldness seeping through the phone. I should not have answered since its the family phone.
I assume she heard earfuls from others in the family and she was guarding herself from another earful attack.
What bothers me most, is that in all the years we have been so distant, we have shared maybe only 3 to 6 phone call conversations a year and not one of them was ever about others in the family.
Am I crazy?
Does my family really see me as something horrible?
Am I so horrible?
I know I am in an unhappy place but I don't spread my heartache around.
I sit in my room alone.
I don't date, I don't see freinds, and I mind my own business.
I don't backstab, gossip, or try to pretend to be the better person by manipulation of facts, events, and telling the story first.
I think the most devastating thing to me is that I see a better person in me than my family ever did...and fighting my way out of that scape has been a long, hard, and tragic road for me.
Letting go of them is the first step in realizing that I am a good person and deserve good things.
I am better than the sum of what they think I am.
The Blonde sees herself with better highlights.
And its alright. If no one read this blog, I would still be fine. To me, this blog is just a way to air my thoughts and feelings since I have no one to vent to.
Today, Babs called to wish Big D a Happy F day and I could feel the coldness seeping through the phone. I should not have answered since its the family phone.
I assume she heard earfuls from others in the family and she was guarding herself from another earful attack.
What bothers me most, is that in all the years we have been so distant, we have shared maybe only 3 to 6 phone call conversations a year and not one of them was ever about others in the family.
Am I crazy?
Does my family really see me as something horrible?
Am I so horrible?
I know I am in an unhappy place but I don't spread my heartache around.
I sit in my room alone.
I don't date, I don't see freinds, and I mind my own business.
I don't backstab, gossip, or try to pretend to be the better person by manipulation of facts, events, and telling the story first.
I think the most devastating thing to me is that I see a better person in me than my family ever did...and fighting my way out of that scape has been a long, hard, and tragic road for me.
Letting go of them is the first step in realizing that I am a good person and deserve good things.
I am better than the sum of what they think I am.
The Blonde sees herself with better highlights.
Raising My Glass to Done
I need to change the headliner of my tags for blinded by blonde since I no longer date online, although I do have stories I can continue to tell but why?
The stories after awhile become stale and unfunny. The sad state of online dating is not funny..its simply sad. I think its especially sad for the lonely people who get caught up in looking for someone so desperately that they will let people that do not deserve them, come in and piece by piece destroy a little bit of their faith in finding someone all too perfect for them.
They will settle for anything rather than nothing.
Look at Raine and Augusto...trying to sell me on less than a life because they want more of one. They sit their and down on me about relationships and wanting freedom to play the field while being in relationships.
Really what they are saying is; they have settled for someone that looks perfect on the outside but on the passion side they need extra women on the side to fulfill what the settlement didn't.
I adore these guys but I do think their justification is a little screwey and I am not the extra rose frosting that will help them complete their cake.
I would rather be alone than settle for someone I do not find perfect for me. I do not mean perfect in the sense of perfection but simply someone that fits perfectly with me. Someone who isn't so perfect that I won't feel less perfect.
When I wrote about the love of men that did not love me back..its more complex than that. The natal chart explains why I can't attain the men I want but also the complexity of this love I have is really manifested from an idea of what I think my life should be and who should fit in it.
I am no longer looking for it but forever will I hold out for it. And if I end up alone...so be it.
Let's face it, its been 6 years...which if you count...I join for one month a year, find a man, see how it works for a year and than when it did not work out the way I had hoped, I go online for a month and bingo starts all over again...so technically its only been 6 months of dating in real time but still...
I am tired of looking...done...finito...ova!!!!
So say hello to the new official cat lady...
the spinster sister...
the Lonely Hearts Club newest band member...
The Blonde won't raise the date ceiling!
The stories after awhile become stale and unfunny. The sad state of online dating is not funny..its simply sad. I think its especially sad for the lonely people who get caught up in looking for someone so desperately that they will let people that do not deserve them, come in and piece by piece destroy a little bit of their faith in finding someone all too perfect for them.
They will settle for anything rather than nothing.
Look at Raine and Augusto...trying to sell me on less than a life because they want more of one. They sit their and down on me about relationships and wanting freedom to play the field while being in relationships.
Really what they are saying is; they have settled for someone that looks perfect on the outside but on the passion side they need extra women on the side to fulfill what the settlement didn't.
I adore these guys but I do think their justification is a little screwey and I am not the extra rose frosting that will help them complete their cake.
I would rather be alone than settle for someone I do not find perfect for me. I do not mean perfect in the sense of perfection but simply someone that fits perfectly with me. Someone who isn't so perfect that I won't feel less perfect.
When I wrote about the love of men that did not love me back..its more complex than that. The natal chart explains why I can't attain the men I want but also the complexity of this love I have is really manifested from an idea of what I think my life should be and who should fit in it.
I am no longer looking for it but forever will I hold out for it. And if I end up alone...so be it.
Let's face it, its been 6 years...which if you count...I join for one month a year, find a man, see how it works for a year and than when it did not work out the way I had hoped, I go online for a month and bingo starts all over again...so technically its only been 6 months of dating in real time but still...
I am tired of looking...done...finito...ova!!!!
So say hello to the new official cat lady...
the spinster sister...
the Lonely Hearts Club newest band member...
The Blonde won't raise the date ceiling!
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