Watching Ants Mate

Its Saturday night and I spent 10 minutes staring at two bugs. I couldn't figure out if it was a spider that ate too big a mouthful and couldn't swallow or if it was two ants doing the mamba as foreplay while trying to catch a wiff of my expenisve smoke before finishing their dirty deed.

If it were the latter they are going to have to find a new smoking porch because after paying $11 for my Nat Shermans, Uncle Sam is forcing me to quit smoking. I don't like Uncle Sam, the only time I ever hear from him is when he needs money. I can't keep enabling him. He obviously has a gambling problem and expects me to pick up some of the tab and I just have to say no.

I think Uncle Sam could use an intervention. I think we should all sit him down with a counselor and read our letters of why we refuse to help him unless he helps himself.


The Blonde enables her right to quit!!

My Mini Vacate on Blogging

Its unhealthy to always be plugged into the Internet vacuum and so I unplugged this week. I decided to just watch great movies and read a few books.

Earlier this week my character was attacked by a blogger who I find very narrow minded in her view of the world and her posts reflect that....so I made a comment. Basically I said, I am not a bee nor is she, and therefore we can't think like a bee. I and she can only perceive the bee based on our own thoughts of how we view the bee and its world. We can't get in the bees mind so she really shouldn't act as an interpreter for the bee, especially if you think the bee is only a bad element.

This blogger thought my comment was prejudice but than again she isn't thinking like me, she thinks like her...so I proved my point. And to continue my quest for agitation and more proof that she is thinking through a narrow lens of life, I made a few more broad statements of which she used her perception, not mine.

Since she didn't like what I had to say about her work she made personal judgments about me. Instead of defending myself, I decided to make a few jabs to get her goat since the bee left the building. Apparently I tied her goat so tight she unraveled to the point of talking nonsense about me. Which I find funny since she has never met me nor knows anything about me; but her comments about me really says something about her.

When you write for a living you need to be able to defend your work without personally attacking someone who finds your work objectionable, otherwise your work is unworthy. I am certain I won't waste my time reading anything she has to say again. She is the typical narrow mind that doesn't have the intellect to debate a real issue because she sees it only one way and I feel claustrophobic when dealing with this type of mind.

I rather debate a bee.

The Blonde likes to stick to the story!!!

Slumdog Millionaire

I am not going to reflect on the movie but rather my experience watching the film. I have been waiting for it to come from netflix for over a month. When I finally got it in the mail, I was excited and wanted to watch it on the big screen in the living room without interruption, so I waited for my parents to hit rehab and then I got my diet coke, a bowl of popcorn and I popped the movie in the dvd player.

Unfortunately for me, my parents didn't go shopping or head out to lunch afterward and came home early, in the middle of my flick.

This is how you watch a movie when my Mother is around.

"What are you watching?"

"Slumdog, Mom"

"Oh, I heard about this movie, what is happening now?"

Its half way through Mom, you can watch it later."

"Oh, ok"

She leaves and a few minutes comes back.

"What are they doing to the boy?"

"They get more money for a blind beggar boy."

"Oh, oh, no...I can't watch this...I am leaving."

"Good, you messing up my movie anyway."

"Fine, I am leaving...What are they doing now?"

"Mom, do you mind?"

"Oh, oh of course, I will be quiet.
Why is the he being interogated?
Why is he on a game show?
How does it end?""

"I don't know Mother, I haven't seen it before. YOU CAN WATCH IT LATER. JUST BE QUIET"

"Well, you don't have to get rude about it. I am going"

"GOOD, GO!!"

"Is that his brother?"

"MOM!!!!GO!!!!"


After finally getting her out, I watched what was left of Slumdog. I can only tell you half of the film since I was dealing with my Mother, the blonde wonder blunder, for the other half.

The Blonde has her own game show!

44 Day

"44 no less, no more"

That is the official quote from Testes (official name: Esthus) the fish that came out of the water and spoke to Dallas and his friends one night. 15 years later on the same day, the statue of Dauie showed up mysteriously one night on Dallas' bed.

Ever since then, Dallas and his friends would take Dauie out on the town to celebrate 44 day.
Since Dallas was in town this weekend and could not be with his friends, I was the host of this auspicious occasion, even if I still don't know what the heck it means, spreading cheer and 'Happy 44 Day' to unsuspecting strangers that walked by us at the Mean Eyed Cat, a local bar that celebrates Johnny Cash.

Most of the folks that passed by just gave us queer looks and thought to themselves, their smoking the ganja...just keep walking. But a few stopped and asked what 44 Day was all about, mostly the ones that really were smokin the leaf, and thought they found a kindred spirit in my friend, and Dallas was completely pleased to be able to explain his day to anyone willing to ask.

I just sat smiling and shaking my head as if to say, " Its alright, he isn't dangerous, I just have to have him tucked into his padded room before midnight."

So Happy 44 day has passed and a few more folks have been inducted into the cult. I am fairly confident that it won't take the nation by storm considering you would have to believe in a talking fish. But for one day, I felt a bit more connected to people and that is something worth believing in, especially for a scoffinheimer like me.

I don't have to believe in a talking fish to believe in my friends.


The Blonde believes its all in good fun!!

Mam, Stay in the Car!

Yesterday, I drove my Father to the pool store to buy a new hose that I would have to help install later that night, but that story is for the next post.

Anyhoo,

As we were leaving a huge, gas guzzling, suburban was driving at a snails pace in front of me. I politely, beeped my horn and made a gesture of two hands holding a fake wheel in effort to ask the woman to pay attention and drive.

She stopped her mammoth mobile in the middle of the street, blocking everyone- most importantly blocking me- to get out of her car to show me she had a medical issue with her leg. She limped two steps and screamed, " I just came from a Doctor in Minneapolis for my leg!!"'

Did I mention she was on her cell phone?!!!

Obviously, she was trying to extort sympathy from someone who doesn't give a flip. My Dad just had heart surgery, should I have yanked him out of the car to show her, he doesn't have time to waste his life away on a self absorbed woman hopped up on pain meds and obviously to incapacitate to drive.


All I did was beep- its my Dad's Honda-it beeps a duck's quacks. I hardly think that calls for someone to get out of their car and scream at me.

Then she quickly hobbled back into her car and drove to the end of the shopping center's drive where you are supposed to merge into traffic if you are turning left--I took traffic lessons online last week; I am an authority now--There is a yield sign and solid line for the merge but...

NOoooo.......

She stopped at the yield sign and put on her left blinker to wait for traffic to stop because she wanted to turn into the far right left lane immediately, which I can't understand since the only left turn you will find is 5 miles up the road.

Obviously this woman was on some sort of drug that dragged her common sense and ability to focus and drive properly, she is just as much a danger to others on the road as a drunk driver.


If you can't drive, don't drive!!!!

Blondes think everyone should steer clear!!!