1.07.2008

A Working Girl?!

I was enjoying my football game at a nearby pub, alone..yes alone. I am in Texas, you can't find anyone to enjoy a Redskin game with you unless they are playing the Cowboys.

Anyhoo,

My gentleman friend..who is quite a bit older decided to come sit with me for a beer before his almost ex-girlfriend came back from whatever small town in Texas she was in.

While he went to make a phone call, some older gentleman stopped by to sit at the empty table. They seemed unsure and so I said I didn't bite..which technically could be confused as an opening line to flirting but more importantly it was more of a way to tell them politely to sit the heck down so I could watch my game.

after much dileberating..too much if you ask me..its just a table..

They sat down..thank God!!
My friend came back, thank God!!
Skins up by one, Thank God!!

The guy kept looking at my friend and than he leans into me and asks,
"Are you a working girl?"

What the F.....!!!

I was stunned, mortified, shocked and of course I spoke out against this outrage....

"NO! I am NOT!!"


"But I do accept gifts."

Blondes should demand an apology not accept gifts!

1.03.2008

Silk Stockings...

...are an absolute must if you are to wear garters. I know this because I made the mistake of wearing non-silk stockings with a stretch lace garter today. I could not keep the garter from stretching down around the middle of my bum requiring frequent visits behind closed elevator doors and bathroom stalls, and my shoes kept slipping off every 5 or 6 steps because the slickness of the polyester grossness of the stocking. Thank God this building doesn't have surveillance in every corridor. I must looked like some lunatic who ducks into corners to get off on some kind of bad foot and stocking fetish.

Synthetic materials are made of melted plastic and thus slick and non-breathable and for certain very important areas of the body--it is crucial our fabric breaths. Its also very, very important that fabrics not cause embarrassing spastic episodes in the stair well of the office complex!!

I don't know why I thought I could get away with buying lingerie from Frederic's of Hollywood and turn it into more than just novelty underwear...


Blondes shouldn't bargain shop!!

1.02.2008

Weekly Craigslist Creepiness!!

PLASTIC SURGERY ANYONE ? - 50


Reply to: pers-525494180@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-01, 9:56PM CST


WAS YOUR NEW YEAS RESOLUTION TO GET SOMETHING FOR YOU? BOOBS? LIPS? BUTT? WHAT IS YOUR PLEASURE ? I AM DECICATED TO HELP YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED. SEND A PIC




Craigslist Weekly Winner 2008

Short Term Celibate Psycho Needs Affection
Reply to: pers-526121555@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-02, 1:35PM CST


Or would that be affliction?

No matter. For the short time we will not be intimate, it really
won't make a difference. I just need you to take my money
and not listen to me.

Last Blonde Moment of 2007

Dialing the wrong number
On my way to one guys house I called the other to wish him a Happy New Year and to tell him that I will be spending the evening with my parents. He said i it sounded like I was in the car..

"oh, well, umm....I'm on my way to get hairspray."

I was actually on my way to meet another guy.
I don't want to hurt anyones feelings and so I lied.

Oh, sue me...like you haven't told fibs to spare feelings?



I decide to call guy #2 and play a litle joke, telling him I couldn't make it for our New Years date, that plans had changed last minute and I was truly sorry. I thought it was quite funny and I waited for his response....

brief pause and...

"Via, this is Guy #1, you dialed me"

"oh" "Ummm...I was just calling...ummm.. a friend that invited me out to tell him that I'm going with my Mom and Dad tonight"

"Via, stop stumblin, its Ok"

"d#@$^%, SH%#$#@" I thought in my head. I am a blonde there is plenty of room.

"Ok..well Happy New Years...call you tomorrow"

Wouldn't be too bad if guy #1 wasn't the photographer that just took nudes of me!!

Blondes need to be more careful when dialing!!