Holy Crap its Xmas

Its begun....My Dad goes a little nuts on this holiday..he lines his lights exactly 1 1/2 inches apart around the windows ..each one straight as a soldier in formation. There will be a total of 5 trees

The Dickens Village tree--
The glass Bird menagerie tree
The fresh tree where only 3-6 tinsel strings may be applied
The Disney tree
and the prodigal grandson's tree

There will be 4 lighted reindeer outside
3 large wooden nutcrackers
2 train sets
and one x-mas scam:


phone call
Mother to Eldest daughter, "So your father only gave me so much for presents this year and I have to buy all these people gifts..I don't know how I can afford it all"

Eldest daughter to Mother, "Thats alright Mother you don't have to get me anything"

next phone call
Mother to youngest daughter, "So your father only gave me so much for presents this year and I have to buy all these people gifts..I don't how to afford it all"

Youngest daughter to Mother, "That's alright Mother you don't have to get me anything"

next phone call
Mother to middle daughter, "So your father only gave me so much for presents this year and I have to buy all these people gifts..I don't how to afford it all"

Middle daughter to Mother, "Thats alright Mother you don't have to get me anything"

so Christmas closes in and Mother has purchased nothing, Father scrambles to to buy last minute gifts and I hear mumbling on the phone in the background...something about a swiss bank account...

HAPPY BEGINNING OF THE HOLIDAYS!!

Mother Grinch

Like the Grinch who tries to steal Christmas from the Who's down in Who-ville by swiftly grabbing packages and stuffing them on his dog drawn sleigh.... so does my Mother’s need to pilfer the holiday goods out of packages sent to the house from friends.

In gypsy like stealthiness she answers the door, grab the box from the post man, and quickly tucks it behind the bird menagerie Christmas tree waiting for the moment when she is alone in the house, not a creature is stirring not even the crack cat's stuffed mouse and than....

She opens the package

She takes the candy she knows we like
and hides it away
than she leaves the candy we don't like
knowing it will stay

than she tosses out the name tags
claiming none were ever found

carefully peels away the wrapping paper
without making a sound

keeps what she likes
puts the rest back inside

thinking she is clever
she claims it just arrived

along with a swiss bank account..we think she runs a gift shop somewhere in Provence.

Blondes get a detailed packing list from friends and family now!!

Blonde Moment 138

I was making my payment to American Express. The payment was supposed to be for $130 and I accidently wrote it for a $1030.00.

Blondes hate fees attached to their moments!!

God is Free Y'all!!

The quickest way to make money these days is to open a ministry and teach the Gospel and charge $9.99 or whatever the going rate for God is these days.

My offices are next to the business office of the pastor of a newly formed ministry. The Pastors have no regard for the signs regarding parking, they are arrogant and rude and when you go to there website the only thing they preach is trying to convert more people.
There is no talk of helping communities, or the hungry or the poor...Nope Its just convert, convert, convert...

Oh yah!!! Did I tell you the offices are located in the higher end district in Austin while the church is on the East side smack in the middle of the lower income district.

Why can't they keep their offices with the church..hhhmmmmmm

Half these people who go to this church struggle everyday to put food on the table but these Pastors con the very grocery money out of their hands based on the bible and God's needs. I also tried to find who they serve in the community. Nobody, nothing, Nada...no hunger, no homeless, no charities do they affiliate themselves with what-so-ever.

They say on their website they are a cosmopolitan bible community..
What the hell is that?
They are about as country as country gets..Cosmopolitan on the East side of town..I don't think so...
There is no God in their office except for the one that lives on the dollar bill..

Save your money..God doesn't need it!!! and if you want to spend it..Give directly to the homeless ,the animal shelter, orphanages. Stop giving money in in the name of God..

Give your prayers, give your love but for God's sake stop giving these people money.


Blondes hate con artists that prey on faith!!!

Celebrity Cellulite

How would you like to be followed around and have your picture taken at the most unglamorous times in your life to reveal your cellulite and saggy stuff.
Even more fun..how about having your photos plastered over the internet so people who are bored can find entertainment and amusement at your less than lovely predicament.

...and how disgusting do I feel that I am looking at your photos going "Oh..My..God, that is bad!!"? Actually not very at all and I will tell you why.

As shallow as it is that I feel better about my body looking at others with worse flaws than me..I also came to the conclusion that the photos had other things that made me a little envious. If our focus is redirected to things that really matter in life we would see an entirely different picture.

In the photos..there is an ocean, a beautiful beach, there are lovers, and children, and friends...all the cellulite clad celebs were playing, holding hands, smiling, laughing and enjoying their life...

and the only one who seemed to be bothered by the cellulite and the sags and flab are the hate mongers who posted the comments.

Blondes rather be flawed on the outside than the inside!