Love or Money

A question that does not diminish with time.

The only memory that does not decay is how hard it was to live with out.

Not being able to give my baby things still haunts me.

The only memory that I can't kill.

I remember how hard I worked to give my son a home and how quickly one man took it all from us.

A single Mom and her child and he only saw the value in what I built and destroyed the rest.

I see clearly in my mind the life my child and I should have had.

I made the wrong choice.

A choice that haunts me in my undeadness.

The only memory that haunts me.

The men I knew were nothing more than salt rubbed in a wound my father created long ago.

My choices haunt me and I will not rest until I see them corrected.

I will take everything down with me until my child gets the life he deserves.

Men are nothing to me.

They are a red tide that leaves nothing but karmic debt in their wake!

The Blondead will change her child's tide!

Everything Around Me


People, possessions, memories are all decaying around me and I am helpless to stop it.

I am as fresh and new as I was in 1985 but its along time to close your eyes and think nothing changes.

I am more aware of it now. I opened my sarcophagus of stuff this weekend. Years of an unopened Pandora's box welcomed me to rats and their excrement piled high on my things.

Damp water had gotten the best of my albums and my art collection.

I have brought little back with me from that burial ground of memories.

I left the antiques to continue rotting and crumbling. 

I am allowing the priceless work of art that was once my pride in a real life continue to be tattered by the gnawing teeth of rodents.

I like the thought of this.

Why would I like this?

Because as it decays and my body continues to stay the same, I realize that I was not cursed but given a gift and perhaps I should put it to better use than killing things that will easily rot otherwise.

I still will consume babies souls....many unwanted and aborted to feed from.

See...I don't literally eat babies.

I metaphorically consume them by catching their little aborted souls once they leave the breading ground.

The Blondead grows stronger and perhaps scarier!


I miss these days

I am remembering the human side of me and it is weird. I remember but I do not feel or maybe I do and its this weird vibration in my body. The numbing in my arms when I wake up from sleep in a position only a bat would sleep in. I stretch out my arms and I quiver for a moment and I realize I am still here; even though I am not really here.

 I joined Blender and Luxy to play with lost souls of love only to find thst I am their mentor and their adviser but no one I would ever have as a lover.

 I have Henri now...a man that knows all my secrets and still he is unwavering in his dedication to me. He buries the bodies when I have a bad night. He is my Robin. He is my Porsche 550 spider that steers the wheel and makes sure I do not derail.

 I have a sidekick now and that means some fun. I am just pissed he won't let me eat babies anymore. Seriously, nothing keeps your skin younger than a baby for breakfast but I am fine with leftover aborts to keep me fed for now!

Blondead is finding her happy space!


I had to curb my appetite tonight

I was minding my own business like I am trying to do but forces beyond me want to choke and kill someone.

Is it the crackhead that somehow though I was involved in his crack home porch argument because I had the windows down in my car?

Is it the three fat chicks high on whatever that thought they were being cool when they flaunted their misplaced arrogance and ignorance as I came off the elevator from my flat?

I should be carrying my Mother of Pearl knife to gut an asshole but I see now why I do not.

Too much blood would be shed and cheap, ignorant blood at that.

My anger I have for this human race rises at every sad ignorant soul I must encounter but I know there is greater good out there.

My son and his troop and his defending the honor of many humans that do not deserve it but he does it for those that do.

I am going to keep my anger low and hide and keep working and shopping like regular folk.

I may take out a crackhead or two but I don't think you really mind! Do you?

The Blondead is working on boundaries!!!

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