Love or Money

A question that does not diminish with time.

The only memory that does not decay is how hard it was to live with out.

Not being able to give my baby things still haunts me.

The only memory that I can't kill.

I remember how hard I worked to give my son a home and how quickly one man took it all from us.

A single Mom and her child and he only saw the value in what I built and destroyed the rest.

I see clearly in my mind the life my child and I should have had.

I made the wrong choice.

A choice that haunts me in my undeadness.

The only memory that haunts me.

The men I knew were nothing more than salt rubbed in a wound my father created long ago.

My choices haunt me and I will not rest until I see them corrected.

I will take everything down with me until my child gets the life he deserves.

Men are nothing to me.

They are a red tide that leaves nothing but karmic debt in their wake!

The Blondead will change her child's tide!

Everything Around Me


People, possessions, memories are all decaying around me and I am helpless to stop it.

I am as fresh and new as I was in 1985 but its along time to close your eyes and think nothing changes.

I am more aware of it now. I opened my sarcophagus of stuff this weekend. Years of an unopened Pandora's box welcomed me to rats and their excrement piled high on my things.

Damp water had gotten the best of my albums and my art collection.

I have brought little back with me from that burial ground of memories.

I left the antiques to continue rotting and crumbling. 

I am allowing the priceless work of art that was once my pride in a real life continue to be tattered by the gnawing teeth of rodents.

I like the thought of this.

Why would I like this?

Because as it decays and my body continues to stay the same, I realize that I was not cursed but given a gift and perhaps I should put it to better use than killing things that will easily rot otherwise.

I still will consume babies souls....many unwanted and aborted to feed from.

See...I don't literally eat babies.

I metaphorically consume them by catching their little aborted souls once they leave the breading ground.

The Blondead grows stronger and perhaps scarier!


I miss these days

I am remembering the human side of me and it is weird. I remember but I do not feel or maybe I do and its this weird vibration in my body. The numbing in my arms when I wake up from sleep in a position only a bat would sleep in. I stretch out my arms and I quiver for a moment and I realize I am still here; even though I am not really here.

 I joined Blender and Luxy to play with lost souls of love only to find thst I am their mentor and their adviser but no one I would ever have as a lover.

 I have Henri now...a man that knows all my secrets and still he is unwavering in his dedication to me. He buries the bodies when I have a bad night. He is my Robin. He is my Porsche 550 spider that steers the wheel and makes sure I do not derail.

 I have a sidekick now and that means some fun. I am just pissed he won't let me eat babies anymore. Seriously, nothing keeps your skin younger than a baby for breakfast but I am fine with leftover aborts to keep me fed for now!

Blondead is finding her happy space!


I had to curb my appetite tonight

I was minding my own business like I am trying to do but forces beyond me want to choke and kill someone.

Is it the crackhead that somehow though I was involved in his crack home porch argument because I had the windows down in my car?

Is it the three fat chicks high on whatever that thought they were being cool when they flaunted their misplaced arrogance and ignorance as I came off the elevator from my flat?

I should be carrying my Mother of Pearl knife to gut an asshole but I see now why I do not.

Too much blood would be shed and cheap, ignorant blood at that.

My anger I have for this human race rises at every sad ignorant soul I must encounter but I know there is greater good out there.

My son and his troop and his defending the honor of many humans that do not deserve it but he does it for those that do.

I am going to keep my anger low and hide and keep working and shopping like regular folk.

I may take out a crackhead or two but I don't think you really mind! Do you?

The Blondead is working on boundaries!!!


It is Hallow's Eve and you would think....

....that an undead like me might appreciate this ghoulish tradition but I do not.

I do not like adults who where costumes. I hate the make up they wear that melts under the alcohol and sweat fest of partying. I find it quite grotesque.

Funny I should find things so grotesque after the things I have done but that is where we are now.

Where I am now.

I no longer have the hatred and hunger I once felt for killing people.

It as become boring to me so now I have taken up other hobbies.

I  live quite a normal life now. The Count and Countess I killed a while ago ensured my financial future and now I can play the part as an active citizen with only the occasional need to hurt bad people.

I am still pissed about losing my coffin.

Houston has plenty of them for me to keep interested in them.

Tonight, I am staying in. Why on earth would I need a costume. My costume is being a human that shops at grocery stores and malls to keep up appearances.

I occasionally go to Austin to see the family that I can't have see me.

I look and watch from a distance and I am only glad my heart can't beat to feel the pain but I...

have something there I can't explain.

One day

one night

one ever

I will find a way

One would think

Happy Halloween...it is a good time to kill someone and leave them on the front porch and not get caught

Just kidding

I am over that for now

The Blondead will treat herself to normal tonight


I Didn't Ask for this life

but I got it....
 and I certainly did not ask to live this undead life....

 but I have it.

I think about my son. He is the only thing that keeps this world real to me.

There is not anything I can't create for him now. I can kill anyone, take their money, their soul, and give it to him.

One problem!

He won't take it.

Every opportunity I create to make his life a wealthy one, he shuns.

Why won't he take what I offer him?

Why does he not see me?

What do I need to do to see his life has everything mine did not?

The blindead will find away.



I was sitting by my gravestone the other day and 'Whaaaa?!!" happened but an ex boyfriend who was stupid enough to leave me showed up at my stone while I was there.

He didn't see me..that is one of the things going on in this undead thing..I figured out I can see everyone and they can see me unless they loved me.

The ones that love me, I am a ghost.

Kinda cool from my perspective because I can remain close.


I feel like a kid who was given up for adoption and the Mamma hunted me down...



Thank you Ex...I don't why this makes me smile...I have no emtion, just thiis giant fucking ssmile on my face....

Semper Phi Dude

Really?!! No flowers for my grave?!!


It is all good in a dead Blonde's world

Booya...Back Again

Taking on a new form and the transition has been odd.

I am stuck in the 80's wanting nothing but vintage stuff...clothes, cars, men with whipped wing hair....

I look good for dead...28 until forever is not so bad...I can live with it...

be a slut forever can be cool!!

I am still stuck between killing peeps and fucking them...but eventually I will find my purpose...I am pretty sure it won't be a super hero but it will be something....

 I will let you know...stay in touch;)

By the way..the Continental Club in Houston sucks...the music was too fucking loud and uncool...Fitzgeralds is the place to hang if your undead and have sensitive ears to the sound of music!

Blonde dead bitch is out!!


Still waiting for fire and ashes

I am over the anger phase and now just calm and quiet and waiting until that moment where the world ceases to exist as I know it....

I have traded in killing for some sexual devencies but it still does not feed my destructive mode.....

I will find something that does.

BTW...i finally got around to claiming my coffin from customs...

The story llater

The blonde is being a busy biatch



that is how I feel...this world is such bullshit.

You are all bullshit!

I can't wait until the deed is done and over...

Why wait when I have tomorrow

I thought I wanted to be prolific and send out messages to tell you to be better but I can see, your all the same and trapped in this hideous mental hypocricy...

Checking out now


Last post unless some cruel enigma makes me immune to fire and ashes


I am screaming inside

and no one hears me....

that is as dead as you can get

I am here but not here

how long must I suffer?

Death is not so bad

I have done it several times. I just never expected to wake up.

Life is a series of moments and if you can let the bad ones go than you can live even when your heart stops beating.

What if I could save others?

What if I donated my blood and let people live forever?

As I am working to find a demise of my own, I think about those that wish to live and have reason to do so.

Humans....I used to be one and while I have no empathy toward most of them...a few good ones could use my blood.

But once it is tested, they will not use it toward good.

It is funny how the living cries. I do not cry nor do I have anything left inside.

Life eternity is something everyone wants but do they truly understand the path that they will walk?

This is a path not a path for the weak.

Everything will come in due time to all of you but for me....

I do not have the luxury of that life any more



Quite a Year I can say

I have spent the better half of this year trying to kill myself but it does not seem to be happening.

Now I am tired and bored and pissed.

But nothing anyone normal has not thought.

I have tried everything and so the only last thing I can think of is to go to Burning Man this year in August and turn my car into an art form and set it ablaze while everyone there will have their eyes gazed upon a giant stick figure that burns to the ground leaving only ashes.

I hope the same for me.

Pray that that I become become ashes because this life is not a life..it is a cruel joke that I tried to play out and I have not much more...

I am glad I took out some evil but it persists way beyond my control and I crave the dark and silence that sleep once gave me

The Blonde does not wish to be  a Highlander anymore

I found a song close to what I think I would feel if I still had life in me


I will be in the black jag vanden plas


I walk this world alone

Google plus can try all they want to get me to connect but I am not of your world any more and I do not want to connect.
I hate this world and this undead life.

If I could find a way to die, I will take it.

My mission right now is finding a way to do that.

I live on this horrible plane of existence. I am just looking for a way to die.

I can't drink enough to find a somber point. I can't eat...the food has no taste.

Killing people does not find me satisfaction any more.....

I am in an abyss and I wish someone would cut my fucking head off.

I want to die.

I have tried so manny ways and I keep waking up to this nightmare.

Actually I do not sleep. I keep seeing and living this nightmare.

I would wish someone to take my head but I am afraid that would not kill me and I would be rolling around this earth without a body.

I am going to London tomorrow.  The lack of care for the human world has fed my fortune and so I know longer need my bling coffer....

I have a plane and several homes on the coasts of several continents.

Yeehaaa....who the fuck cares...

I have all of this and nothing

London calls.


The Perfect Storm

Everyone is dying. And than your God brought this incredibly beautiful hurricane storm. The lightening bolt crashed against the wall in my courtyard.

Evil was let through and it is hard to close the door.

The wind whipped and left the door too heavy to close.

So they kept breezing in.

The darkest comes before the dawn. Are we sure the dawmm has come. A pretty sun does not make it true.

I know my purpose now.

I don't like many humans. Quite frankly, many of you are selfish and so unaware of yourself that I don;t mind you getting whipped up by the storm.

But I have one human that I need to protect.

All of my dead still can;t kill the one thing I loved most in this entire world.

And for him, I will kick evil's ass for now.

But don't be so sure I won't kill a waist of a life just to get them off this earth.


Go Away!!!


Stop it!!

The dark cloud tht came my way has left but I felt it while it was here.

It cast grey over everything.

I forgot that I wanted to e good and I went to the darker force and he...
He just has a way of pulling me into the dark grey abyss.

I am sorry for the fat cop killing. I feel bad I was angry about them.

I apologie but I reall yam not sorry.

Certain cops are mean and they pick on those who have not been in trouble and seem to get off on it so....I


I am not sorry

I liked killing the fat cop

but now

the dark cloud has left

He is not here anyomore and I want to do good

ad I mean good without killing

You ave to forgive me for struggling

I had to leave my family, freinds, home, life because I was not growing old properly.

When your kid is the same age as you biop-metrically...

It does not make sense,

SO yes,
I arbor anger....

I hate to see my son cry at my tombstone.

I told him not bury me...I aksed that I be forgotten but he can't

and I see him every time when he visits a grave that is empty and all I want to do

is tell him



but I can't and so
OK a bloody mess for a biit

I am still pissed about my coffin and the stupid Duke and his bitchy wife...

I don't know my place

I don;t know where I belong and I have no friends and my
wing man had to go...

he told too many people and I had to kill him

Oh fuck......I am sorry..I wish I knew how to kill myslef so this could be all voer but everything I have tried has failed

Undead out for now....

PS..I could care less about proper writing so you dicks that send me typo errors...join my kill list!!!!!


Pandora's Box

One evil deed leads to another.

Do you want to be good?

Because I am tired of the bad and I know you may look at me like I am evil but I am not.

I am going through an adjustment period.

Yes, I kill people just because I can.

But I only kill the ones that you would not like any way.

It is hard being undead and knowing I don't worry about the law any more. The law was always an asshole anyway.

You think they are bad? The whole psych genre is on my 'to die list'.


back to fat ass cops....

Seriously, how can you eat donuts, be 300 lbs and chase someone down?

You can't.

So the obese stupid fucks wait for an easy target.

You can pull someone over for an expired sticker to get your quota.

Well guess what?!

I like killing the fat ones...they are my easy target!!!!

Like I said, I am going through an adjustment period but I promise only to kill the ones that are most  irritating to the living!!!


Fee Fi Fo Fum

OK? Seriously? 

A fairy tale beginning for my blog? 


I am concerned for a few people who may have a problem with my certain condition.

I do not want to hurt anyone who does not deserve it.


I can't have 'curious cathies' who are a little too intent on saving me or saving others from getting in my fanny pack.



Would I ever carry a fanny pack?

Although, I doubt it would be stolen as quickly as customs stole my decked out coffin!!!


You are damn right I am still pissed about it!

I am going to the beach and hitting some surf and board and will not kill anyone for now.


Check back...

I might want to hit the murderabilia guy...

Help this clueless victim's crime advocate out before I do.

Who can't figure out how to stop murderabilia from being sold and collected?

Here is a clue...


The undead is off to the coast before the storm hits the fan....

He comes in Thursday.


Have you ever heard of such a term?

Quite gross if you think about someone collecting finger and toenails as a souvenir from a serial killer.

But who I am to question what is art to some and a meaningful reminder to others?

I should have kept something from the Doctor but I prefer pop art.


Thursday, a dark cloud is rolling into my city.

The last time he shared space near me; many things died and a flood occurred in a hundred year flood zone.

Literally, not figuratively, little animals fell out of trees and died and I was useless to save them.

But that was in another life.

I do not know how I feel about it now since I am undead and the world is a cruel beast I am no longer apt to save.

I am free from those things now.

Things like empathy, care, and sadness.

What rips through my heart now is an uncontrollable urge to ignore all that once touched me.

This dark cloud is coming my way and I do not want to see the storm.....

Even the undead can not out run the past.....

Itsy Bitsy Spider

Itsy bitsy spider got washed out by the rain

but out came the sun

 and dried up all the drain

 and itsy bitsy spider cralled out in time to kill again


From Cymera


Die Doctor, Die!!!

The doctor stood tall. He was over 6ft 4” and he wore facial hair like a musketeer but he was not about saving anything. He was about taking life and prolonging death.
He spoke soft and slow and in a manner where he believed what he said.
I hate him with a passion.
He looked at me with love but not love for me but love for what he had created.
He loved the suffering of things.
His laboratory was filled with the whispers of the dead animals and cries and yelps of his subjects.

He deserved to die and whisper along with the rest.

Months I lingered away…time was not my enemy. He was.
I wish I videotaped his death like he did of all his countless subjects.
I stayed on his cattle for weeks after his death just watching him rot.
It may seem gruesome to you but you still have sense of smell and I do not.
He was a bad man and wanted the animals to feed of him…at least the ones that still lived past his torture
I let them loose and watched them tear things apart.
Art, furniture, clothes…..

And then I opened the door and let them have their freedom.
They never looked back.

Nor will I

The Escape

Months went by and I was literally a guinea  pig to the crazed doctor.

He had no compassion for me or anything.

I watched him hurt animals in the name of science and I wanted nothing more than to escape and hurt him.

I did not just want to kill him.

I wanted to make him hurt like he did the animals he had caged.

It is funny that I can feel anger but nothing else.

I suppose it is do to my heart being solid and unwilling to beat again.

A heart of stone.

Funny, I read about it in fairy tales with regard to the evil witch.

I guess that is what I am now.

Well, I don't know what I am but I do know....

I liked caging the scientist and making him plead for life for many days before letting him die alone in the same cage he liked to hold innocent other beings.

I do feel when I hurt those who deserve it.

It is as close as I can come to being human again.

The Doctor

There I was, stuck in a mad scientist’s cage. 

He had me. 
But I would eventually escape and so this is where the story starts and what needs to be told.

I could use a drink to tell this story. 

I miss drinking. 

Or more to the point, I miss the effects of drinking but as an undead, I miss many things.

I miss the taste of food. I miss the hunger for it. 

I miss drinking and the need for it when I used to feel.

I miss the thought of love and family.

I miss many things but most of all…

I miss my life.

The Blonde is not back but here.

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