The only memory that does not decay is how hard it was to live with out.
Not being able to give my baby things still haunts me.
The only memory that I can't kill.
I remember how hard I worked to give my son a home and how quickly one man took it all from us.
A single Mom and her child and he only saw the value in what I built and destroyed the rest.
I see clearly in my mind the life my child and I should have had.
I made the wrong choice.
A choice that haunts me in my undeadness.
The only memory that haunts me.
The men I knew were nothing more than salt rubbed in a wound my father created long ago.
My choices haunt me and I will not rest until I see them corrected.
I will take everything down with me until my child gets the life he deserves.
Men are nothing to me.
They are a red tide that leaves nothing but karmic debt in their wake!
The Blondead will change her child's tide!
See...I don't literally eat babies.
I metaphorically consume them by catching their little aborted souls once they leave the breading ground.
I am remembering the human side of me and it is weird. I remember but I do not feel or maybe I do and its this weird vibration in my body. The numbing in my arms when I wake up from sleep in a position only a bat would sleep in. I stretch out my arms and I quiver for a moment and I realize I am still here; even though I am not really here.
I joined Blender and Luxy to play with lost souls of love only to find thst I am their mentor and their adviser but no one I would ever have as a lover.
I have Henri now...a man that knows all my secrets and still he is unwavering in his dedication to me. He buries the bodies when I have a bad night. He is my Robin. He is my Porsche 550 spider that steers the wheel and makes sure I do not derail.
I have a sidekick now and that means some fun. I am just pissed he won't let me eat babies anymore. Seriously, nothing keeps your skin younger than a baby for breakfast but I am fine with leftover aborts to keep me fed for now!
Blondead is finding her happy space!
Is it the crackhead that somehow though I was involved in his crack home porch argument because I had the windows down in my car?
Is it the three fat chicks high on whatever that thought they were being cool when they flaunted their misplaced arrogance and ignorance as I came off the elevator from my flat?
I should be carrying my Mother of Pearl knife to gut an asshole but I see now why I do not.
Too much blood would be shed and cheap, ignorant blood at that.
My anger I have for this human race rises at every sad ignorant soul I must encounter but I know there is greater good out there.
My son and his troop and his defending the honor of many humans that do not deserve it but he does it for those that do.
I am going to keep my anger low and hide and keep working and shopping like regular folk.
I may take out a crackhead or two but I don't think you really mind! Do you?
The Blondead is working on boundaries!!!
I do not like adults who where costumes. I hate the make up they wear that melts under the alcohol and sweat fest of partying. I find it quite grotesque.
Funny I should find things so grotesque after the things I have done but that is where we are now.
Where I am now.
I no longer have the hatred and hunger I once felt for killing people.
It as become boring to me so now I have taken up other hobbies.
I live quite a normal life now. The Count and Countess I killed a while ago ensured my financial future and now I can play the part as an active citizen with only the occasional need to hurt bad people.
I am still pissed about losing my coffin.
Houston has plenty of them for me to keep interested in them.
Tonight, I am staying in. Why on earth would I need a costume. My costume is being a human that shops at grocery stores and malls to keep up appearances.
I occasionally go to Austin to see the family that I can't have see me.
I look and watch from a distance and I am only glad my heart can't beat to feel the pain but I...
have something there I can't explain.
I will find a way
One would think
Happy Halloween...it is a good time to kill someone and leave them on the front porch and not get caught
I am over that for now
The Blondead will treat herself to normal tonight
and I certainly did not ask to live this undead life....
but I have it.
I think about my son. He is the only thing that keeps this world real to me.
There is not anything I can't create for him now. I can kill anyone, take their money, their soul, and give it to him.
He won't take it.
Every opportunity I create to make his life a wealthy one, he shuns.
Why won't he take what I offer him?
Why does he not see me?
What do I need to do to see his life has everything mine did not?
The blindead will find away.
He didn't see me..that is one of the things going on in this undead thing..I figured out I can see everyone and they can see me unless they loved me.
The ones that love me, I am a ghost.
Kinda cool from my perspective because I can remain close.
I feel like a kid who was given up for adoption and the Mamma hunted me down...
Thank you Ex...I don't why this makes me smile...I have no emtion, just thiis giant fucking ssmile on my face....
Semper Phi Dude
Really?!! No flowers for my grave?!!
It is all good in a dead Blonde's world
I am stuck in the 80's wanting nothing but vintage stuff...clothes, cars, men with whipped wing hair....
I look good for dead...28 until forever is not so bad...I can live with it...
be a slut forever can be cool!!
I will let you know...stay in touch;)
By the way..the Continental Club in Houston sucks...the music was too fucking loud and uncool...Fitzgeralds is the place to hang if your undead and have sensitive ears to the sound of music!
Blonde dead bitch is out!!
I am over the anger phase and now just calm and quiet and waiting until that moment where the world ceases to exist as I know it....
I have traded in killing for some sexual devencies but it still does not feed my destructive mode.....
I will find something that does.
BTW...i finally got around to claiming my coffin from customs...
The story llater
The blonde is being a busy biatch
You are all bullshit!
I can't wait until the deed is done and over...
Why wait when I have tomorrow
I thought I wanted to be prolific and send out messages to tell you to be better but I can see, your all the same and trapped in this hideous mental hypocricy...
Checking out now
Last post unless some cruel enigma makes me immune to fire and ashes
that is as dead as you can get
I am here but not here
how long must I suffer?
Life is a series of moments and if you can let the bad ones go than you can live even when your heart stops beating.
As I am working to find a demise of my own, I think about those that wish to live and have reason to do so.
Humans....I used to be one and while I have no empathy toward most of them...a few good ones could use my blood.
But once it is tested, they will not use it toward good.
It is funny how the living cries. I do not cry nor do I have anything left inside.
Life eternity is something everyone wants but do they truly understand the path that they will walk?
This is a path not a path for the weak.
Everything will come in due time to all of you but for me....
I do not have the luxury of that life any more
Now I am tired and bored and pissed.
But nothing anyone normal has not thought.
I have tried everything and so the only last thing I can think of is to go to Burning Man this year in August and turn my car into an art form and set it ablaze while everyone there will have their eyes gazed upon a giant stick figure that burns to the ground leaving only ashes.
I hope the same for me.
Pray that that I become become ashes because this life is not a life..it is a cruel joke that I tried to play out and I have not much more...
I am glad I took out some evil but it persists way beyond my control and I crave the dark and silence that sleep once gave me
The Blonde does not wish to be a Highlander anymore
I found a song close to what I think I would feel if I still had life in me
MEET ME AT BURNING MAN AUG 2014.
I will be in the black jag vanden plas
I hate this world and this undead life.
If I could find a way to die, I will take it.
My mission right now is finding a way to do that.
I live on this horrible plane of existence. I am just looking for a way to die.
I can't drink enough to find a somber point. I can't eat...the food has no taste.
Killing people does not find me satisfaction any more.....
I am in an abyss and I wish someone would cut my fucking head off.
I want to die.
I have tried so manny ways and I keep waking up to this nightmare.
Actually I do not sleep. I keep seeing and living this nightmare.
I would wish someone to take my head but I am afraid that would not kill me and I would be rolling around this earth without a body.
I am going to London tomorrow. The lack of care for the human world has fed my fortune and so I know longer need my bling coffer....
I have a plane and several homes on the coasts of several continents.
Yeehaaa....who the fuck cares...
I have all of this and nothing
Evil was let through and it is hard to close the door.
The wind whipped and left the door too heavy to close.
So they kept breezing in.
The darkest comes before the dawn. Are we sure the dawmm has come. A pretty sun does not make it true.
I know my purpose now.
I don't like many humans. Quite frankly, many of you are selfish and so unaware of yourself that I don;t mind you getting whipped up by the storm.
But I have one human that I need to protect.
All of my dead still can;t kill the one thing I loved most in this entire world.
And for him, I will kick evil's ass for now.
But don't be so sure I won't kill a waist of a life just to get them off this earth.
The dark cloud tht came my way has left but I felt it while it was here.
It cast grey over everything.
I forgot that I wanted to e good and I went to the darker force and he...
He just has a way of pulling me into the dark grey abyss.
I am sorry for the fat cop killing. I feel bad I was angry about them.
I apologie but I reall yam not sorry.
Certain cops are mean and they pick on those who have not been in trouble and seem to get off on it so....I
I am not sorry
I liked killing the fat cop
the dark cloud has left
He is not here anyomore and I want to do good
ad I mean good without killing
You ave to forgive me for struggling
I had to leave my family, freinds, home, life because I was not growing old properly.
When your kid is the same age as you biop-metrically...
It does not make sense,
I arbor anger....
I hate to see my son cry at my tombstone.
I told him not bury me...I aksed that I be forgotten but he can't
and I see him every time when he visits a grave that is empty and all I want to do
is tell him
MOMMY is HERE
I am HERE
but I can't and so
OK a bloody mess for a biit
I am still pissed about my coffin and the stupid Duke and his bitchy wife...
I don't know my place
I don;t know where I belong and I have no friends and my
wing man had to go...
he told too many people and I had to kill him
Oh fuck......I am sorry..I wish I knew how to kill myslef so this could be all voer but everything I have tried has failed
Undead out for now....
PS..I could care less about proper writing so you dicks that send me typo errors...join my kill list!!!!!
Do you want to be good?
Because I am tired of the bad and I know you may look at me like I am evil but I am not.
I am going through an adjustment period.
Yes, I kill people just because I can.
But I only kill the ones that you would not like any way.
It is hard being undead and knowing I don't worry about the law any more. The law was always an asshole anyway.
You think they are bad? The whole psych genre is on my 'to die list'.
back to fat ass cops....
Seriously, how can you eat donuts, be 300 lbs and chase someone down?
So the obese stupid fucks wait for an easy target.
You can pull someone over for an expired sticker to get your quota.
Well guess what?!
I like killing the fat ones...they are my easy target!!!!
Like I said, I am going through an adjustment period but I promise only to kill the ones that are most irritating to the living!!!
Quite gross if you think about someone collecting finger and toenails as a souvenir from a serial killer.
But who I am to question what is art to some and a meaningful reminder to others?
I should have kept something from the Doctor but I prefer pop art.
Thursday, a dark cloud is rolling into my city.
The last time he shared space near me; many things died and a flood occurred in a hundred year flood zone.
Literally, not figuratively, little animals fell out of trees and died and I was useless to save them.
But that was in another life.
I do not know how I feel about it now since I am undead and the world is a cruel beast I am no longer apt to save.
I am free from those things now.
Things like empathy, care, and sadness.
What rips through my heart now is an uncontrollable urge to ignore all that once touched me.
This dark cloud is coming my way and I do not want to see the storm.....
Even the undead can not out run the past.....
but out came the sun
and dried up all the drain
and itsy bitsy spider cralled out in time to kill again
He had no compassion for me or anything.
I watched him hurt animals in the name of science and I wanted nothing more than to escape and hurt him.
I did not just want to kill him.
I wanted to make him hurt like he did the animals he had caged.
It is funny that I can feel anger but nothing else.
I suppose it is do to my heart being solid and unwilling to beat again.
A heart of stone.
Funny, I read about it in fairy tales with regard to the evil witch.
I guess that is what I am now.
Well, I don't know what I am but I do know....
I liked caging the scientist and making him plead for life for many days before letting him die alone in the same cage he liked to hold innocent other beings.
I do feel when I hurt those who deserve it.
It is as close as I can come to being human again.