The Gods That Speak

...is just my inner voice oozing out of my cerebral cortex without me knowing it until I digest it!

I make every excuse in the book to not meet new people. I make sure to destroy any hope of a new relationship.

And you know how I know?

I am self aware.

Now, today, the car situation...I am not psychotic enough to cause damage to inanimate objects just to get out of a date..that was not even a fluke; it happened a few days before I met the bar style dates.

I just failed to get it fixed and perhaps that was my subconscious waiting to use it as an excuse.

I really would make a great psychologist if it weren't for the fact I hate people who are so unaware that they need a shrink.

I am actually more happy when things do not work out than when they do.

I really wish I could fix myself enough to not fuck things up for myself when I real meet a guy.

BUT

Damage does as damage is.

I am hurt and will never let anyone have the chance to hurt me again.

This I can not fix.

I thought I was OK.

I really did.

But I find a way to piss away any guy I meet, away.

Maybe one day...someone will be smart and sneak up on me really slowly and allow me to scratch like a feline for awhile before I settle into a comfort zone that might allow me to love....

but that guy is not one coming off the internet.

That guy, the one guy, will come out of no where.....

The Blonde will not have to look for it!