8.31.2011

To Lie or Not to Lie

That is the ethics question of the day!

I am on the cusp of my ethics class and I find the area is very grey. Not something I am used to or even like. I like a clear black and white color of vivid truths.

Today, I applied for an apartment and I am sure if I checked off all the little yes boxes, they would not question it and let me in.

But stupid me, questioned my ethics and I could not in good conscience lie about a little thing like credit.

I come out on the short end of the stick with credit. All my immediate bills are dead on but the lingering divorce credit is not something I can easily clean up.

I am running on fate these days and if its meant to be, than the apartment will be mine with a clear conscience or it wont be mine.

Its not like I found the holy grail of rent control flats in Austin. I just found a superb location and a workable flat; of course I will have to forfeit my deposit in favor of new lighting fixtures, new cabinetry, and definitely will have to upgrade the tile and sink in the luie...

I have a few that are willing to co-sign but I want this on my own terms.

If I don't get it,..my jag is getting a body resurrection.

Of course I went out with Augusto and he immediately told me I should have lied. The first application is a test and I should have just checked all the marks.

He is probably right. After all, he is a lot further along in life than I am and the sad truth is...honesty will kick you in the ass every time.

I am trying to be a better liar but its a little harder than I thought.

I really must learn that its the norm to throw morality out the window to get what you want.

If I keep that in mind...

The Blonde might end up as president!!

8.26.2011

Ladies and Gents

Bonnie Tyler

Bow your heads...



Blonde Ex gen's have rockin DNA!!!

8.23.2011

I Just Want To Do My Job

Why can't people be nice?

Why can't people, especially women, in lower positions just do their work without trying to build animosity toward others to hide their inferior work ethic?

Every where I work, there is always that one person that just has to make life miserable for everyone.

I became a supervisor which apparently means not supervising; it means taking on the responsibility for the shit that comes about when others do not play a fair game at work.

Its one thing if the job afforded me a new paint job on my car and nice digs in a nice area of town; but this job barely affords me a one bedroom flat in nowhere ville.

Its funny, i thought working from my house, alone, would afford me the ability to do my job and not have to deal with assholes but unfortunately...NO!

Somehow, someone I never met accept through emails has found a way to cost me a days commission because I have to deal with cut and pasting complaints from clients into a spreadsheet for the Director.

I changed my font to a pretty pink and use smiley emicons now when I ask my employees to do something, to make sure it comes across as sweet and not too directive.

I follow up my emails with positive affirmations to the employees which I do not mind doing for those that are worth the emicon.

I find it funny that adults respond to pink cursive and blushing emicons instead of professional directives in black straight fonts.

We have become such a ridiculous society in business, no wonder we are in a recession and our jobs are outsourced to other countries.

Americans are spoiled, lazy, and passive aggressive in their daily work life.

They pass the buck when they fail, they piss the day away on facebook, and when the shit hits the fan because someone didn't follow through, they spend a mountain of time finding a target to use as a smoke screen.

I actually had an employee spend 4 hours sending my emails to management in regards to hurting her feelings.

You know what those emails said?

"Please correct this situation immediately and send the shipment overnight if you have to. I want it done tonight."


Really?

What about my feelings when the client bit off part of my ass when the company failed to deliver 4 times in a row...way before I took the position?

Did I cry to the boss? NO!!

I tried to correct the situation and for that I was penalized.

Eventually, I will figure out how to slack off and not care about duties at work like the rest of the 'gang'...

And if someone wants an apology from me because I demanded they do their job properly...

They better get a coat cause it gets pretty darn cold when hell freezes over!!




8.21.2011

Wave Run Fun

So after apartment hunting and getting a little down on the prospects that I may have to keep down grading my digs to afford the lease, I blew off steam playing on the wave runner with Augusto.

I know I said i would walk away from Augusto, the Captain, and Raine...and I did to all of them but Augusto has always been there when I really needed him and unfortunately I am a woman that will always need something from her man.

and he is totally OK with helping me and taking care of me, even when the chips are down.

He is a good friend not a fair weathered one and for that I will let him stick around. Any man that says he will help me secure an apartment if my credit fails me is someone who really cares about me. The fact that he trusts me enough to know I would never abuse his credit and pay my bills on time is something really special to me. Of course, he would be on the lease and that makes him privy to all my antiques if I ever crap on him, with the rent.

We totally laughed about that one.

I can't say that about any of these other guys that wish to be my friend. They are only my friend when they are bored and looking for some fun.

Where are they when I need some serious hugging?

I won't fully commit to Augusto since he is already spoken for and I am not stupid enough to piss my personal love away on a man I can't totally have but for now, I need his love and I need to love on someone.

And on the superficial level, Damn do we look good together in the jeep and on the wave runner?

We laugh and have so much fun...We check out guys and chicks and play jealous but we are super totally cool with each other looking at other prospects.

Its fun and keeps things real and alive.

Its going on 7 years now and one day I hope to have an unattached man for myself that feels like a new date every day...

I know Augusto has trouble at home and is unhappy and if it were not for me his life would be unbearable. I am not always happy with that scenario but he is my best friend and if I help him keep his family together...

than some good is coming from all of this.

Its not an optimal situation but I am slowly looking at reviewing how love is and its not black and white...commitment from the heart is better than out of duty.

Raine could have had the same thing from me but after 7 years and it never progressing past a few days, a couple of months of drunken fun in NY..

What the hell is the point?

Having to work out a deal to get a pair of boots as a gift-even though it was my deal-is not what I call love.


The Blonde makes her the rules!!







Apartment Hunting

Why in the world would rental prices change on a daily basis?

I went apartment hunting yesterday and found that it is worse than shopping for a car. Some of these leasing agents just wreak of sleeze. And they were at nice properties.

Its funny you are quoted the rent and when you agree with the price...then they start adding on the sur charges like valet garbage, upgrade for faux wood floors, upgrade rate for first or second floor rentals.

Its hot in Texas and renting a top floor means extra in air conditioning, not to mention I used to live in a 3 story townhouse and the 3 flight walk up and down never did much to keep me tone, so i do not see any benefit to renting high up.

There is an extra charge to have a view other than the parking lot. To look at trees out your bedroom window...you have to pay more.

If course none of these fees are listed, they just are quoted and those fees and rental rates keep flipping around like a ticker on the stock market floor.

Its enough to make my blonde hair grow tediously gray...

There are application fees, pet deposits, administration fees and an application that is only a few pages short of mortgage.

You need 3 times the income for rent and you have to be credit worthy or additional deposits are incurred.

Geez!!!

The Blonde is not a fan of lease looks!

8.20.2011

DESPORADO



This song's meaning is not for the public!!!

Some songs don't get you through things..some songs just make great endings...

Some days, the Blonde wishes she never woke up!

8.19.2011

Learning To Walk Again

A million miles away
Your signal in the distance
To whom it may concern
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?

Do you remember the days
We built these paper mountains
And sat and watched them burn
I think I found my place
Can't you feel it growing stronger
Little conqueror

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?

Now
For the very first time
Don't you pay no mind
Set me free again
You keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a liar
To sacrifice but knowing to survive
The first to find another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm waiting for a sign
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I'm on my knees
I never wanna die
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm Running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I Never wanna die
I Never wanna leave
I'll Never say goodbye
Forever, whatever
Forever, Whatever

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough

Baby steps for the Blonde!!

I Want More



Because the Blonde deserves more!!

8.18.2011

Slacker Studies

Work was a bit of a disaster today. Since I work from a virtual office, I do not have the luxury of standing around the office cooler to bash my co-workers but even if I was using an office in the company...the notion of drumming up trumped up charges against someone to save my own inadequacies would never happen.

I don't have inadequacies!

I have only been with the company for a month and I understand there is a settling in time where things might go a bit hay wire.

I have learned that not to over achieve at my job.

I need to slack back and enjoy the paycheck without making too many ripples.

From now on, I am going to take that advice and chill.

As far as the rest of my life is going..its not going very far...just up the road

I fell short of funds for the unvisited I applied to and must wait for spring. Meanwhile though I am moving into a new place.

rent in Austin is super high compared to what I can get with a downtown Dallas view in D-town but at least I don;t have to move very far.

I didn't get the amount I was hoping in grants and scholarships..I was going to use the money for back up rent just in case something happens to the new job.

I was hoping to have my car painted...

I was hoping to do a lot of things but fate has something else in stored for me...

I really hope I can move further away from my fear of losing everything and reach my goal of finding the perfect home and finishing law school.

I am hoping, hoping, hoping....

Hope is all the Blonde has right now!

8.17.2011

My Ex Un-Boyfriend

OK, listen up!!!

I supplied my blog's password to an ex lover..I never meant anything to him other than a good time to keep him in line with is proper rich girlfriend..

No, its not Augusto..who, BTW, I have done the same thing with him for 6+ years..

I think it would be great to understand their side..

My blog is one sided and I hate one sided bullshit...

Knock yourself out Raine...

Rules:

No real names

No real dates

Only write what you feel, not wht you think is true!

and don't f#$@ with my music videos!!

other than that..

The Blonde welcomes Raine to the dance!!!

8.12.2011

Baby Boo

All manned up now...How could I not be proud of you?

Hey, Burt-all-not-of you...Remember when you said you didn't think my son had the guts...well, obviously you were projecting!!

Boo Ya...douche!!!

My kid ROCKS!!!





Get home Baby Boy!!

I Want More



Give it Up for Young the Giant!!

The Blonde wants more too!!

Music is My Way, What is yours?



Let's let it go and get gone!!

Big Fat No On Baylor

Merit scholarships only go up to $5000 for transfer students, even with a 3.5 or higher. So that means I would have to pay easy installments of $1000 a month in order to make up the difference from my scholarship and loans.

That $1000 does not cover books or housing or food. If I am going to fork over an extra grand of bill a month, I rather not be in the middle of Waco, where the youth leave and the mentally ill go to die in the surrounding facilities.

Waco was a depressing thought of a town, I really thought they would want to entice me with a little extra just for living in the barrios of Texas.


So, its a waiting game with SMU and working on fall back plan which will probably incude another semester at community college while I wait to here from schools that are less expensive and offer Spring registration.

Little hitches in my education groove is fine...its not stopping me...I will get that law degree...

Someday soon

The Blonde is just lean on school funding!

8.10.2011

I have A Screenplay

It starts with finding a non-descriptive watch..its digital with magnifying lens. Non-descriptive back suggesting a cheap watch but...


The weight...

the weight of time

on this piece is undeniable...

and if I were to put it on my wrist

and click the clasp...

tick, tock

My son is off to Afghanistan,,,

tick, tock....

I signed the back of my license to be a donor...

tick, tock...

tick, tock....

Why did this wrist watch end up in a place that no wrist watch should be...

and why do I feel comforted by the weight of its band?

tick, tock....


The Blonde used to find time obsolete!!!

Teet Tot, teet Tot

I am on a teeter totter with Baylor at one end and SMU at the other.

Baylor came in a little too low on their transfer scholarship and apparently, I am not eligible for the merit scholarships-not because of grades- but because I didn't just jet out of high school.

SMU, I had a little issue with my name not matching social security so i had to fix my driver's license to match my SSC...so i am back to my maiden name

Sort of...

My name was spelled wrong on the birth certificate and that is now what I am going by. Still doesn't match my social security name but its only off by one letter..

Its nice to have a new name, new hair do, and eventually a new flat.

Whether that is going to be in Dallas or Waco, its up in the air until I receive my award package from SMU.

I prefer Dallas, only because an all university town is not going to be able to offer much to me in the form of a life outside school and work.

Waco is charging premium prices for their living quarters because they can get away with screwing the students. The only nice places to live have such an exorbitant amount of rent, you could live in a high rise in downtown Dallas -with a view- for the same price..its super ridiculous.

The rest of the area around Waco is just a manifestation of hideousness...When Section 8 is OK on the rental menu..that is going a little too ghetto for me.

Pray with the Blonde and Rick Perry for a better future in Dallas!

New Do



The Blonde went pixie!!

8.06.2011

Rob Thomas

He writes about me..even though he's never met me...which makes me know, I am ot the only one in the world.

You can't Count On me

But I could never count on you!!




The Blonde is Even Steven!

When the World is at Your Feet

but your standing on thin ice..always remember to dance..displace that weight and dance...idiot!


The Blonde can be an idiot but loveable all the same!!!

Furry Walls



the Blonde has had some Jeffrey Moments!!

8.05.2011

Goldie Locks Chopped Off

I chopped my golden locks down to a pixie hair style and I thought I might cry afterward but really I did not shed one tear for my hair.

I am changing as a person on the inside and I am trying to be taken seriously as a woman. My long hair was more a fantasy for men and its getting in the way of me being taken seriously as someone that should be loved and cherished and committed to.

I do not want to be the fantasy girl any more.

Quite frankly, I don't want to be anyone's girl anymore.

My birthday is Sunday and I am moving on in a positive direction with my life.

I never really receive the respect I deserve from family, and that was reflected in the men I dated; because unless you have a husband and a house, there is something not worth respecting...I guess is there mentality.

Its not mine but I have learned it will not change and like friends who perceive me to be what I was a long time ago aren't worth keeping. I have to come to the same conclusion with family members who have not honored me as a Mother and grown woman.

While I have my one day a month where I can be a total biatch do to chemical imbalances from PMS and with a little wine I can be out of hand but that is only out of response to the frustrations I have with the actions of some of my family members.

I will be moving next month and I know I wont bee visited by my son and I realize he has a life and it makes me sad that I will be alone. Its a single Mother's sadness that no one in my family can or will try to understand.

When you have no one but your child and he is growing apart from you..its sad...and even more debilitating when my own parents have fostered alienation among family with gossip and talk behind my back.

I know one day, things will be different. When I have regained my position in society with a home, money and a career.

I should have never let him stay with my parents. I thought they loved me but their actions proved far from otherwise when it concerned me as a Mother.

After all, what kind of Father would threaten his daughter and say he will take me to court for being an unfit Mother if I tried to get my son back.

I can't change the past but I was never an unfit Mother, just a broke one. And I loved my son enough to give him what I thought would be a better home at my parents while I worked on finding my place in this world.

Biggest mistake of my life and I will have to forgive myself and move on but it would have been nice to have support from family instead of bashing me and talking behind my back.

One day...

I hope my son will get to see me for me and not what my family has made me out to be.

The Blonde is slowly letting go of the past!!

8.03.2011

No Apology Needed



Some times right takes awhile to show up!!

I Am finding My Place



You can't see my bruises but they are below the skin, just behind the heart and I am trying really hard not to let the scars harden everything but I am afraid it may be lost...
There was an error in this gadget