12.31.2010

HAPPY F$#@&**N NEW YEARS!!


Party until your panties drop but don't take that drink on the road.


The life you save might be a Blondes.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

12.19.2010

The Pretty Cookies

...are not for me!!


Nope!

Treated like the unwanted stepchild left over from a second marriage, I was told to eat only the horribly disfigured mutant cookies.

It would be one thing if the cookies were for guests or for presents but nope, they are just there to look pretty in the cookie jar.

Eventually the cookie jar will disappear as my Mother systematically tries to hide the pretty cookies still assuming we fall for her holiday scams.

When asked where the pretty cookies went...she will simply say that they are for freinds and she needs to pack them and mail them.

Of course the undisclosed location is for their safety...right!!

The pretty cookies will never get mailed.

They will however show up in cars and bedrooms as little crumbs of there former cookie self.

I am so used to the Christmas scam that I didn't even blink an eye when I asked for a gingerbread house which disappeared right after she gave me a laundry list of fake people she is giving them too.

I have know idea where the ginger houses disappeared too but seeing as they will be difficult for Mo' to consume the entire gingerbread hood before spring....


...the ant trail will eventually clue me in after the turn of the New Year!!



The Blonde is keeping with tradition!!

12.15.2010

What Flatulence!!

I went to Neiman Marcus to pick out some christmas favors and low and behold did to my wandering nose appear?

Making my eyes water up as if they caught winter wonderdust?

Someone ripped a huge one in between the glass entry way of the store letting the sun bake in and heat the odor to a remarkably potent stench.

Open the second glass doors and the waft of perfume mixed with the fartabulous that almost brought me to my knees!!

What the F?

For fart that is..

What kind of jack arse does this sort of thing?

I can only think of one and duh, wouldn;t you know..it would be someone I went out with.

We went to the Celtics / Lakers game and in the elevator crammed full of body heat, he rips a silencer.

I knew it was him even if his face stayed plain as day. After all, he was my date.

Who else would be such a putz?

Anyhoo,

I left Neimans unable to take the vibrant mix of holiday arse spirits.


The Blonde hopes this season you keep your hot air to yourself!!!

12.09.2010

Its Over!!

Fall semester did not close with a bang but more a close 'C' thud.
I pulled off a 3.5 GPA but I need a 3.7 to close the deal on law school.

I will make a point not to sign up for dating sites next semester.

Dating is too damn time consuming.

Shaving

Shopping

Make up

Hair

Nails

blah, blah, blah.....

It takes at least 3 hours to pull your look together for potential boyfriends.

10 dates x 3 hours = a crap load of time taken away each week from studying.

I am simplifying next semester.

I have my classes and my 2 men booked for the semester.

Now I can relax and enjoy my holiday season .


Look out Apsen, here I come!!


The Blonde is booked solid!!!

12.05.2010

The Ups and Downs of 69

I am not one to blab about the boudoire or what happens inside other than a bit of generality and I am not about to start.

I do, however, do like to get in creative debates during happy hour with friends and since politics and religion is taboo and absolute no fun...sex is the next best thing.

We settled on the topic of karma sutra and how do crazy positions, while spice thing up, and keeps the bed from a bore fest, ultimately is just plain stupid.

At least that was my argument.

How the he--double hockey sticks do you concentrate on one end while the other end is being worked on.

It can't be done to equal satisfaction, something has to give.

If anyone is screaming for pleasure they certainly aren't working the sucking vortex you need to make the other one moan.

I just think there are better ways of using positions, like moving your arse to a hot tub, shower, or outside under the moon.

There are 72 positions in the karma sutra and this is only one.

I hold my tongue until I try the rest.


That's the Blondes position on things!!

12.01.2010

Playing in Urban

I have been living it up urban style with my new out -of -town beau in a hotel suite downtown this week. Ughhh!!

Not the beau!

...the hotel thing in your home town isn't quite as posh as living it up in another town. Not to mention, I did a crap pack job and was too lazy to drive the distance to el casa to refill my wardrobe.

I forgot saline solution, toothpaste, hairspray, curling iron and panties.

I was working in third world fashion and makeup mode.

I could have gone the 8 mile distance to get the stuff I forgot but I never made it past happy hour.

Neither did my car!

I crashed the side into a wall for the second time this month. The first time I was being bullied by a prick in an SUV coming out of the narrow garage opening and I tried nice - inched over too far and scraped the bee jee bees out of my vehicle.

Nice ended the moment I felt the scraping and before douche could blink - my window was down and douche came rushing out of my curled up lips faster than the Stig can stear a Ferarri FXX around a lap.

After all his car shoving you think he would have stood his ground but instead he backed up an dwent the other way.

Was that so hard?

Couldn't he have done it before I wrecked the side of my vanden plas?


The second time might have been one of those incidences where wine may or may not have been involved. I am not confessing to anything especially since the car slots at the boutique hotel were meant for skinny asian spinner cars and not my luxury sedan.

Trying to park my car downtown when I am used to parking in suburban sprawl is like putting a sweater on my cat.

Its hard and you end up getting scratched up!!

Anyhoo, I totally have a story on 69 but I am trying to spread the blog wealth so check back in a few.

The Blonde is back in her element!!

Working the Cam













The Blonde is using visual blog filler until my lazy arse is in writing mode again!!

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