8.18.2009

Heloooo Runner

I have been hitting the trails three times a week to get in shape for the Reserves, which after careful thought and failure to successfully complete a shower in 7 minutes, I have have decided that its in the Armys' best interest not to count on me to be anyone strong enough to fight for more than the last pair of Jimmy Choo's on sale, in my size.

Besides, I have another reason to hit the trails.

Men!!

Glorious sweatie, shirtless hotties all at my visual disposal. On the weekday, its not very crowded, a few men here and there but I only need a few to make my run worth the trip. The Kanuck is too far for me to keep my attention focused on him all the time, so I am occupying myself with other healthy endeavors.

Besides, I don't think we have committed to anything, although, he is holding my coat hostage until next time we meet, but what if there isn't a next time? I don't know him well enough to trust him with my designer stuff. I don't want to give up a perfectly good Bebe trench coat to whatever girl he brings home after me. If you know women, and I do, they will take other femmes' leftovers claiming it shouldn't have been in the man's place anyway. Its the girls version of peeing on their territory. I hope my coat comes wrapped up in his suitcase but if not, I am comfortable trusting Fedex to deliver it safely.

So until something is solid with Canandia, I guess I am open to check out the Zilker Park candy trails.

One in particular has caught my attention and although I only see him briefly as I pass him by, its all I need to get my flirt on. I passed him on Saturday and we did the eye contact thing. Today we did eye contact with a grin from him. I am waiting to give my grin back next time I see him. I guess I will be disappointed if I don't get to pass on my grin to him but I am certainly not going to play stalker and schedule my run just to do it.

It takes at least 4 runs to bond with a passer by...LOL
Plus, I like to believe in serendipitous moments.

Even if I don't see him, its OK because the running eye candy doesn't have any of my clothes. If that were the case, I would schedule a stalk time to retrieve my designer wears.

The Blonde hates to run out of clothes!!

8.17.2009

Dear Kellogg's Cereal Promo Dudes

If you are going to put a promotion on the back of your cereal box that makes me have to consume 3 boxes to get the three tokens I need for the prize, than keep the promotion going long enough for me to get the damn prize!!

I was saving up for the Star Trek 1 gig memory bracelet and now that I am one token shy of my 3 tokens, there are no more boxes with the Star Trek tokens left on the grocery shelf at HEB.

I really don't think I should be forced into buying 3 boxes of cereal at the same time to get the tokens.

Do you?

It used be so much more fun as a kid, especially when I was able to consume half a box of Rice Krispies in one sitting and not gain 5lbs to my arse doing it. But I don't play 6 hours a day anymore. Half the day, I am sitting and working and carbs don't burn as quickly when only my fingers are getting a good work out on the keyboard. Its difficult for someone like me, on a low carb diet, to get any sort of cereal prize today.

Kelloggs has the audacity to make the most of their marketing by promoting different cereals with different promotions on the back of the box.

If I want Star Trek, I have to buy Tony the Tiger Frosted Flakes.

If I want the stupid alarm clock with the Kellog's figures on it, and I do, I have to buy Sugar Pops or Cheerios.

Adults can't eat that much sugar and stay thin and Kellog's doesn't put promotions on big kids cereal like Special K, Fiber K, or whatever cardboard flavor cereal they are peddling to adults to stay healthy.

I don't think its fair that kids get all the fun. After all, its the adults who are paying for the frosted cereal treats.

How about putting tokens on the box to send away for botox, lip plumper, or laser treatment.

Women are suckers, including me!!

I will buy two or three boxes at a time for Special K, if the tokens are for a spa treatment.

Hell, put a huge promo up to collect enough tokens for breast implants!!


Dudettes and their boyfriends will gladly eat their away into a thousand boxes of frosty yumminess for a pair of double Ds. And after all that sugar consumption, they will need it to equalize out the size spread of their arse.

Otherwise, just give me enough time to consume my darn 3 boxes of frosted flakes before you take away my chance to get the Star Trek memory bracelet!!!


The Blonde hates playing games that don't win!!

8.15.2009

Happy 40th Anniversary Woodstock






I missed the first one but I made it to the 25th Anniversary!!!

The Blonde Wants Love not War!!

8.14.2009

Blonde Moment 998

I slept in late this morning, thinking I might just stay in bed and keep my head tucked under my pillow until I win the lottery. But I am not Rumpelstiltskin and my body begins to ache if I stay too long in bed, on my mushy mattress.

Also, I heard a barrage of planes go by my window. They kept circling over my house and I thought the military was doing exercises.

I hadn't had my cup of coffee and my head was fuzzy.

I rushed outside to see the planes.

No planes!!!

Hhmm...

Ohhh...

Duh......

Ohhh...give the Blonde her coffee pleezzzz!


Its Friday


The landscapers are circling the lawn with their mowers!!

8.12.2009

As Much as I Adore You

I have to put you on hold for just a few days. I am working on articles for Texas Monthly and the New York Times and if I give all my good stuff away on the blog, I won't have a thing to write about.

The hard part is writing the right article to get published.


Wish me luck y'all!!!

If all else fails, I am back to temp work and I hate wearing office clothes, I am way too much a fashionista to wear plain suits and office attire, but I will do it!

Even worse than that I hate the office politics involved. I just read an article in the Statesman about two city managers being sent on leave because they have cost the city $50,000 in mediation to work their differences out.

Of course they are women!!

I wonder if its a hormonal thing?!!

Why can't women get past indifference and work things out nicely?

I want to work with fun and creative fabulousness.


Give me a few days to get back to blogging.

The Blonde is finally wwriting again!!!

8.10.2009

Bah, Bah, Black Sheep

Have you any wool or anything that would make the world believe you have something to give?

No sir, no sir...

and now I believe I have little to give.

With each passing of my resume, I have any doubt I have anything to give.

I do not belong here.

I do not belong there.

I do not belong anywhere!!

I am a Dr. Suess tale without the happy ending.

I grab for this.

I grab for that.

I grab for whatever will keep me afloat.

No tree.

No turtle.

No bread buttered on the right or wrong side.

My eggs are green and my ham unbaked.

The Grinch has taken everything!


I am a Dr Suess story without a happy ending.

I am the black sheep.

Nothing for the dame.

Nothing for her little boy.

But...

In the end...


I am the elephant that clings to a little voice of hope!



The Blonde is looking for a shade less darker!!!

8.08.2009

The Present that Broke the Families Back

I swear you have never seen such a site. A grown family yelling at each other over who gets to deal with the dead bird one of the cat's brought into the garage.

Its your cat!

How do I know my cat killed the bird?

Maybe it died of natural causes thus you get the bird!

Boo get the bird!

Why do I have to get the bird?

Because your the male and dead animal extraction is a blue job!

That's sexist and on that basis, I am not getting the bird!

Big Daddy, get the bird, pleeeeze!!!!

I am not getting the bird.

Mother!! you get the bird.

I think its the bat that bit you.

It doesn't have any legs and its wings are funny. It could be the bat.

Fine. You get the bat and put it in a baggie and take it in for an exam.

No. Its a bird. Its your cat and she brought it to you as a birthday gift.

So, you get the bird!!

Boo...get the damn bird!!

I am not getting the f--ing bird!!

Watch your mouth and get the bird for me!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!

I pay for your car, get the damn bird!!!!

I do not pick up dead things!!

I gave you my last bit of cash..GET THE BIRD GAH DAMMIT!!!

No one asked you to give me your last bit of cash!!

Fine, give it back and get the bird!!!

No!!!

Somebody is getting that bird and its not me!!

Call someone!

You call someone!!!

This isn't funny...get the bird!!


Why couldn't you get the bird?!

Its not my cat!

How do I know it wasn't Gustav, and he is your cat!!

Because he doesn't catch birds. Its your cat that dragged it in.

You have no proof of which cat killed the bird!!!

You blame my cat's on everything!!!!

Maybe the neighbor's cat did it!!

Fine...call a neighbor then!!!

Can we do that?!



You aren't calling anyone.

Someone get the damn bird out before I have to!!!!


Staring

Silence

Staring at each other still



Gah X@#dam--f#@$XX)ing$&@#mother f---&#@#% FINE!!!!!


I will do it my-f@#$&$#@-ing self!!!!




I extracted the bird and laid it to rest behind the neighbors yard.

After all, the bird should R.I.P. and clearly it can't be done near our home.


Now, no one is talking to anyone and we have all locked our selves in our rooms.



The Blonde is finally at peace!!

8.07.2009

They Say Its Your Birthday


Happy Birthday to ya!!

Yah! Yah! Yah!

The Blonde is turning one less older today. I have received a plethora of cards from department stores wishing me a happy one and to celebrate my special day, they have included discounts on my purchases.

Little do they know, discounts only work if they include a check for my birthday, like Gramms used to send. I couldn't purchase a fly for bait these days.

I just returned from a glorious time in Napa. It was such a magical place where every day is a celebration of friends and family around a table of fabulous food and wine. I felt like I was in the musical Brigadoon. A place that is hidden away under the early morning fog, only to lift and reveal skies of such blue you can't help but keep your head in the clouds.

But Brigadoon is far from me now and I am back home to live the reality of things in the moment. Like the tax man visiting my home to make sure I am not running a business; having to dig through the want ads for freelance work that actually pays for this months unexpected auto failures; my trade account just hit the negative; and I am another year closer to being old.

I would be thoroughly depressed if it weren't for the fact, I still look great, my weight is not climbing the stairs with my age, I have a cute kanuck wanting to see me again, and I have my family birthday gathering with ice cream cake.


The Blonde is quite happy!!

8.06.2009

Napa, Napa, Napa





May I just say, I happily slurred my words through every glorious lunch and dinner.

The Blonde will be backa!!
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