5.28.2009

Blonde Construction


I like working with my hands. It beats sitting on my arse all day in an office.

I rather work in my sweat shop, sewing burlap bikinis and repair decking for Big Daddy to avoid supplementing my writing income by doing white collar labor.

I know I did a decent job on the deck, not because my Dad fills me with praise but because he couldn't find anything to complain about the work. That is a huge compliment in Big Daddy's world.

All in all, its been an excellent day.

I can't take all the credit for the work. Boo did most of the demolition and hammering. I just cut the wood to fit using a 10" miter saw and some finagling with the uncooperative blade. The great thing about a blonde is that I don't know the limits of a tool and so I don't know any better when attempting a curve cut and make it work on a miter.

Don't try this yourself unless you have the arrogence to beat the odds of dropping a few finger tips during a cut.

After a hard days physical labor, I plunged my sample burlap bikini in the aqua blue to test the waters. I didn't hear any complaints about my bikini from Boo, so I take that as a compliment as well.

The Blonde will do what Mexicans say I don't want to do!!

5.26.2009

Blonde Recharge

Sometimes it feels good to just kiss the world goodbye for a few days and live in a cocoon. Some may call this depression. I on the other hand call it my mental spa days.

Now that my brain is rested and my retreat (aka. bed) is made, I know longer wonder why there is a quick ice button next to the cubed and crushed ice. I guess it takes longer to shape ice and quick ice is just what is available to the less picky frosty mouths.

I also remember to use the popcorn button on the nuke oven for unburnt popcorn.

And now that I am rested, I don't lock myself out of the house so many times and I finished unpacking for my trip to New York that I spent the other night getting ready for, before I printed out my itinerary to see that my trip is next week.

I also can remember to use my spell check during email replies.

All in all its beginning to look like a good week.


The Blonde has brain power, again!!

5.24.2009

This Memorial Day

Don't forget why we celebrate!

5.23.2009

Fairy Tales and Blondes

I always believed in a blonde fairy tale. I always wanted two children; a boy and a girl. I also wanted a large house and lots of money. Never once did I figure a man, to love and to take care of me, in the original fairy tale.

Well, turns out I got most of my fairy tale; not all of it but enough to make me happy. I got the money and the house, but in much smaller proportions to what I once fantasized as a young girl. But than again I was a little girl and things seemed so much larger back then. And so, maybe I did get exactly what I wanted.

Like any good fairy tale someone must come along and try to take it all away.

And he did.

But unlike normal fairy tales, it wasn't the wicked witch who came to my door. It was a dashing Prince Charming and all his insecurities that whisked me away from my happy life.

My castle is gone, and my little boy, unlike Peter Pan, has grown up and left Never Neverland and I am living in a bedroom the size of a pumpkin trying to sew a life out of the last remnants of my days in a blonde's fairy after tale.

I sometimes cry in my room and talk to my cats. If they start talking back to me and finish sewing my bikinis, than I know I have gone off the deep end and lost all touch with reality.

So far so good.

I started to fantasize about the normal fairy tale with a knight in shining armor and a huge white steed carrying me off to his castle but unfortunately that ship has sunk with the Titanic after the blonde princess turned a certain age. The most I see on the horizon have been castles down sized to small condo, with room only for the children, rides booked up on the steed, child support payments, alimony, a chip on the knight's shoulder about women in general, and little left to give a blonde still looking for her real fairy tale.

I seem to be in a Cinderella nightmare where I can't wake up, working and cleaning for her scraps of left overs.

I don't mind a Prince Charming with children, after all the children were part of my fairy tale, just as long as he still has room in his castle for me.

But until that day, I think I am happiest living my original blonde fairy tale.

I may have to start off again in a tiny room, sewing my fingers to the bone, and talking to my cats, but at least I don't have to deal with someone else's unhappily ever after.

The Blonde will find her happy ever after, eventually!!

5.19.2009

I Am Officially Brain Dead

Last night, while I was returning emails, I noticed I had become a blithering idiot.

I have been glued to this computer for more than two weeks writing, and working on my online eco friendly store front that has to replace the e-cig fiasco from a few months ago.

On top of that, I was trying to finish sewing a burlap bikini....don't ask!

To rest my weary head I am claiming this week, Blonde in a Bubble. I am shutting down the computer and the phone and just going for walks around the park and working on making bikinis that don't smell like sweaty horse when wet.

The Blondes Mind is gone!!

5.18.2009

A 'Cell' Phone?

Why would I want to be confined to a cell?

There are certain times when I need 'me' time and the cell phone is just another distraction that I don't want to have to deal with.

I, actually enjoy playing with myself sometimes.



OK... you can have 10 seconds to picture what you are picturing.

10

8

2

1

OK, back to 'get real' now.

Seriously, what is with the addiction of the cell phone. Do you really need to be within twenty seconds reach of text messages, downloaded emails, and the vintage voice call?

I am not about to play Pavlov's dog to a bunch of ring tones alerting me of the multitude of different messages accumulated on my phone.

Maybe if I got a treat every time it rang, I would be more responsive.

If I knew something shiny and expensive was going to be plopped into my blonde behavioral feast bowl every time I heard the un-symphonic notes of a generic ringtone, I might be more inclined to answer.


I know we can't turn the world around us off, but once in a while, it feels good to tune it out.

The Blonde will be back to beck and calls!!!

5.15.2009

Bravo, N Y Housewives!!

...for showing the world what it looks like when too much money and menopause congregate in the same arena.

I have to give kudos to the casting director for this show. You know, whomever, sat around and looked for women with egos and issues the size of a monsoon but still have qualities that make them likable couldn't have been an easy task. The extra kick to spice up the show with the beauty bobble head was totally a man's two cents, but good sense it was. The show became more of a feature for Animal Planet than Bravo, especially when the claws and daggers of the insecure housewives came out to protect the threat of their nest totally built on carefully intertwined twigs of neuroses.


Forget the Gucci baggage, these housewives are carrying a Louis Vuitton steamer trunk to carry their weight of crazy. Still, you have to give them credit, they would still come under weight requirements set by the FAA simply by dumping any sense of decency and decorum during their reunion show.

I have finished my last season with the New York femi-neophytes but only to get sucked right back into another one with the entrance of the Jersey Housewives. I swear I am going to pull the plug on my dirty little affair with Bravo and get help for my voyeuristic endeavors...

Just as soon as I see the table tipping fight.

The Blonde hates to mingle with wives!!!

5.14.2009

Match.com is a Full Time Job

and I don't like to work that hard unless its for a good cause.

I made it to 19 days before I started to drunk reply to my messages. I would pop the cork on a bottle of vino and settle in to screw around with virtual match addicts. There are so many of them that Betty Ford would do well to open up a special wing for their rehabilitation.

I know the Captain is probably reading this and thinking I mean him but he will be relieved to know he isn't in the hot seat...this time!!

I know there are some decent love stories to come out of Match.com, I actually had dinner with a couple last week that met on Match and married, and I have met some killer friends, but I think Cupid would have an easier time piercing the tail of a lightening bug than get me to sift through the cornucopia of copy, intended to charm a pretty girls panties away, just to find one sweet guy.


Besides, I am almost Cougar status.

I need to focus on my career and Bogart as many bucks as I can before my face falls off and I have to glue it back on like Joan Rivers. I wonder how much quan she has to pay out for spooning?

Gah bless anyone looking for the real deal on Match.

I will rub a Buddha belly for you!!


The Blonde will cheer from the sidelines.

5.13.2009

Bob Seger and Silver Bullet Band Leads Me Back

In the moments that I feel I am fighting against a world that has no care for what is really important, I play music to adjust my thoughts.

I am nobody and .eco will go to the Yaley and the Bore, not because they deserve it but because they can have it. Capitalism is far from the Utopian world I envision but most would argue that I only have this vision out of a sense of not having money.

I say to them, " You are right. I don't have it, but I did, and than I woke up."


I have learned that I have something a bit more powerful than money.


I have family.

I have love.

I have music.

I have something, that moves and inspires me every day, way beyond the inspiration that grabbed hold of our most brilliant and brought them and the most powerful country to its knees.

The U.S. is no longer the prom queen, but it doesn't mean it can't dance to the last song of the night and remember what it was like to be young, and naive, and think the world was at its feet.

My hands were steady
My eyes were clear and bright
My walk had purpose
My steps were quick and light
And I held firmly
To what I felt was right
Like a rock

Like a rock, I was strong as I could be
Like a rock, nothin ever got to me
Like a rock, I was something to see
Like a rock

And I stood arrow straight
Unencumbered by the weight
Of all these hustlers and their schemes
I stood proud, I stood tall
High above it all
I still believed in my dreams

Twenty years now
Whered they go?
Twenty years
I dont know
Sit and I wonder sometimes
Where theyve gone

And sometimes late at night
When Im bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin a ghostly white
And I recall


The Blonde sees a better life!!

5.12.2009

Blonde Temper Tantrum

I may or may not have had a little tantrum last night of which I blogged about but quickly erased this morning.

Had a certain someone not contact me about a certain idea I was interested in, the point would be mute but after being contacted by that someone and reading up on the press releases and seeing a certain head of spoiled meat having part in that idea; I now have to strategically plan that the idea, I can not participate in, not be given away so easily to a bunch of spoiled brats with no real desire for anything other than more money.

Where is the Dalai Lama when I need him?

He should be the face of the eco domain and not Al Bore (click and learn) who preaches but doesn't practice!

I think doteco should go to a company that believes in giving back, say 10% of the profit to save the planet. How about Tom's Shoes? Have him apply for it. We can all chip in and raise the funds for him.

The Blonde wants a better deal!!

5.11.2009

Here She Comes Again

walking down the hall

la la la lala

While I try to write

la la lala

she is talking up a storm

la la lala la

la la

la la di da

MOM!!!!!!

One thing about being a boomeranger that works from home is the fact that the parents do not recognize the work as actual employment but rather an opportunity to annoy their daughter with rhetoric not pertaining to said daughter.


I am working!!

Oh, oh, sorry...did you see the new vase I bought.

Mother, I am in the middle of something, please?

But of course dear, I won't bother you again.

Thank you

Just come and look at the vase, its very old. Your Father will die if he knows I bought it.

I will when I am done!

Oh, oh OK

La la lala di da


From the other side of my door, I hear an argument.

What did you buy now, woman?!

Nothing Dear, its just a vase from the store.

mumble, mumble, screaming, yelling, door slam....


pitter patter of blonde footsteps....
la la la uh oh la

my door opens


Did you hear what your Father said? He didn't even see the vase.

Did you look at my vase?



No Mother, I did not, I was trying to finish my work that pays for my car, that I will need, in the event of my mental breakdown, in order to drive myself to the loony bin and finish my work from a padded cell!

Oh, OK, when your done...come look at the vase.



No doubt, The Blonde is back at home!!!

Blonde Summer Beauty tips

Wraps over a bikini is a poor excuse for not toning up the thighs for summer. If your lazy and can't get out of the house for exercise, at least buy some Doctor Scholls to help tone the back of thighs and calves while walking around your casa.

Another easy thing to do, is put down the Pinot Grigio. Ladies, if you watch the NY Housewives series, check out just how damaging white wine is to a figure by oogling the waist and thighs of Ramona. She is an avid gym guru and still can't keep a girlish figure when downing the high sugar content in her daily wine ritual. She may not have plumped out to the size of the Sopranos but she is getting there.

Betheny is too neurotic and her skinny may have something to do with tossing her skinny girl cookies after the show, and Kelly girl, seems to be flying high on diet pills, so take a healthy route to your summer bod and just cut out the sugars and add a little exercise.

If you wait a little longer I will be coming out with my sexercise line of toys like the 'hippety hump me' and the 'resistant desk chair'. No reason you should sit at work all day when you can have an option of tweaking your bum with a chair that forces you to press down on it to keep it from rising up every time you type. The 'hippety hump me' may not be suitable for the office considering it has a special something to keep you riding an orgasm to slimmer thighs but you can bounce your way to happiness while watching the Jersey Housewives coming up this May.

Life for a blonde is all about looking good and feeling good no matter what you do. But what you do should be fun.

Blondes are shaping up for hot weather!!

5.07.2009

Texas Springs into Summer








Texas isn't half bad looking!


The Blonde is about being green!

5.06.2009

Biatch Ain't Blonde

I knew Carrie Prejean was not a true blonde!! Her ambition is as clear as her dark roots.

Being ignorantly persuaded by a book of fables to outcast anyone isn't a blonde trait but rather a blind one.

Perez Hilton, who is also an opportunistic bleach blonde biatch, is granted my reprieve this one time because he is fighting for a real cause; the equality of a genetically based attribute condemned by church and society as a detriment to marriage and completely bogus.

Gay men and women can't change who they are any more than a zebra could wish his stripes away by rubbing up against a tree.

Do you really think gay children would choose a life that makes them hide who they are? Do you think they would choose to be beaten and ostracized because they were different? Do you think, maybe, Perez' anger is built from a life long torture of unacceptance?

This is the teaching of the bible, not the word of God.


Blondes would never throw a stone!

5.05.2009

Ho Jo's

The Blonde is about as street smart as Bubble boy.

I learned exactly how far from the hood I grew up on a recent trip through some of the seedier towns of Texas.

I went on Hotel.com to purchase a ticket for a hotel in the cattlelac world 6 hours north of bum frack Texas.

Seeing their wasn't a decent hotel I had to choose a motel that I thought would be safe and clean. I chose one with a name I actually heard of; Howard Johnsons. I booked a room after seeing it had a rating of 3.2, a whole point above the others. I did not bother to read the comments which was my first mistake, the second was booking a single queen.

I packed clean sheets and towels and a pair of flip flops. I may be Blonde but I am not on a suicide mission to pick up some disease from improperly cleaned rooms and seeing the prices of the motels, I was certain I would need an extra can of Lysol and rubber mits.


Howard Johnson is far from the hotel I remember as a young girl on our family drives to nowhere to have one of our ice cream treats for suffering hours of my Father's show tunes and military marching music in the car.


I thought Ho Jo's was just a clever shortcut of the name but actually its ghetto tongue for Ho's doing Jo's. When I arrived, I noticed the picture on Hotel.com was older than some of the photos of guys on match.com. The place was run down and next to a stripper club. I was greeted at the desk by a chunky Latino girl who had a grin on her face the entire time I was checking in. I would soon learn later, why.

She asked for my drivers license and passed me a key, telling me since I ordered a queen bed that my room was at the back end of the hotel. I drove back and parked in front of my door hopping the parking hump to get my bumper as close to the door as possibly imaginable.


It was late and I was tired from the 6 hours of drive time. I just wanted to go to sleep. I carefully peeled the sheets of the bed and placed mine down. I moved the ice box in front of the door to protect myself and went to sleep.

Around 2 in the morning, I heard knocking on the doors outside my room and then knocking on mine. I thought someone made a mistake and was looking for someone else. Than, knocking started half an hour later, again going down the line and ending up knocking on mine. This happened about 4 times between the hours of 2 and 4 am. By that time, I am thinking what the F bomb.

I would have called the front desk but that would have entailed me touching the phone and i decided I rather not since I am not sure if Lysol would penetrate the germ fest crawling all over my room. I just stayed tightly tucked into my sheets on the very edge of the bed and slept with my eyes open until 9 am.

I never took the flip flops off my feet since the carpet was sticky and I peed like a squatting monkey never letting anything from the room touch me. I quickly got the heck out of that place.

Later in the morning I met up with Boo and Ferret for a pancake fest at a local diner, they street wisely advised me, after the hysterical laughter and bits of pancake stopped flying out of their mouths, that I booked a room on what is known as hooker row.

What is hooker row?

Its the rooms that hookers rent out. That is why you never book a single queen bed.

But why would I want two doubles, its just me?

Trust us, pay the extra for the second bed.

Ok...and the knocking?

that was dudes looking to score.

Holy Crap, no way!

To make me feel better, Boo said the sweetest thing. He said that I shouldn't worry because I am good enough to be a thousand dollar call girl.


A few minutes more of laughter and flying pancake bits later, it hit me.

I touched the remote control!!!


The Blonde has been hand sanitizing ever since!!!

5.02.2009

Mine That Bird Winner of 135th Kentucky Derby


Mine That Bird, a $9500 gelding, originally from Canada and residing in New Mexico, and Calvin Borel, the Louisiana born jockey that will make you cry with his emotional win, upset the Kentucky Derby by hugging the rail and screeching past the million dollar babies of Dubai.

My sentimental favorite General Quarters came in 12th and Mr Hot Stuff, which I tanked since he lost his original rider, came in behind Desert Party.

Congratulations to all the contenders
at this years
Kentucky Derby!!!

Belmont Stakes June 9th


The Blonde didn't have a hat to attend!!

5.01.2009

Blonde Battles Flu










I am still stuck with lung gunk and while I thoroughly enjoyed my yesterday, its put me back in bed today. Since I am not perky enough to write about Big Daddy milking his illness, I am reverting to photos of my outings in Austin for your pleasure until I am completely back to my blondeness again.

The Blonde is resting!!
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