12.31.2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR





Its been 19 years since the last blue moon on New Year's Eve...let us not waste it!

The Blonde is ready for a new everything!

12.29.2009

Veronica Bell & Tales Of The Not So Loved




and bearing all in 2010!!

The Blonde says bye bye 2009!

I Was Wrong

I am going to post a few more things before the new year.

You know who else was wrong?

A psychic I went to in my mid twenties.

He was so right about so many things and so wrong about others.

I think he told me what I wanted to hear.

I think he thought I could change my destiny if I thought it would come to me but he was wrong.

I believe our destiny is preordained...

not by a church, not by God, but by our energy and that energy carried from before and formed into a new us.

I believe...

We have lived many lives, as many things, and yet we only know the one we live.

I do not think we die.

I think we just release our energy from the body it is trapped in and it mixes with other energy to form the life of something new.

My energy is a compilation of things that bring certain matters to me and others away.

In the end, I believe, there is only a new beginning just like so many beleive this is the end of the year and the beginning of a new one.

If time didn't matter, would it still be?


The Blonde has no bounds!!

12.24.2009

The Real Wish List



I want a big stone ware-house where I can skateboard from canvas to kitchen; I want closets filled with art paraphernalia; I want my book to do really, really well; and I want money to spill out of my pocket so I can fill someone's empty one (American orphans) and...


I want a wine bottle Christmas tree uncorked!!!


The Blonde is lucky to have an empty stocking instead of coal!!

12.23.2009

Merry Kwanzaa Eve




Hallazazuza from the Blonde!!

12.20.2009

Do You Hear What I Hear?

I hear little crickets everywhere...

Cricket

Cricket

I need to get my phone ringing again before I start singing their song.

The Blonde is lonely!!

11.29.2009

Money Doesn't Buy You Happiness

Money can't buy you time.

Money can't stop a car crash from killing your loved one.

Money can't find you love.

Money can't do a lot of things but it can do a lot of things too!!

It could spare a lot of heartache.

I don't know why fate has it in for me.

If it just could tell me what I did wrong; I would fix it.

This life isn't worth the time and effort I put into it.


The Blonde is really at her wits end.

11.25.2009

Turkey or Terror?

Umm...turkey please!

It was a rhetorical question and also a trick question.

On Thanksgiving its almost impossible to have a turkey dinner in peace.

The threat of having a happy holiday is sanctioned only with small family troops in arms, ready to blast a bullet of guilt in your ear if you F____ up the dinner in any way.

Can I get a "WAY"!

Blast!

Damn!

Missed!

Holiday perfection comes with an emotional cost. I wish that lucky blast hit me.

Unfortunately, I am still alive and about to drown my dread in eggnog!

Anyhoo,

I will suffer through turkey death day with flying colors because I have the triple threat eggnog and football to immerse my thoughts.

For the rest of you, find a vice like drugs, alcohol, or rock and roll.

Who cares what the vice is, just find it before the other holiday creeps in and grabs your soul while the turkey tryptophan has you numb.

Why do you think the fat guy is wearing red?

The Devil wears red too!!!

Black Friday is evil and the red suited guy is on the side of the Devil!

He Won't save us!!

He is not our savior!

He is the mascot of capitalistic greed and he dragged Baby Jesus into it!!

Stop the holiday doom!!!

Boycott the Black Friday Bastards and that Red Gluttonous Guy who perpetuates it.

Greed does not deserve a holiday.

Boycott!!!

Christmas is no longer in the hands of the Lord.

Its a commercialized evil that will segregate those who have from those who have not.

Capitalism is not a socialism.

Its communism with the poor's permission!


The Blonde is ready to fight terrorism in her own country!!!

What If?

“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.” John Greenleaf Whittier quoted.

Do you know why?

Because he knew, like I know, that what might have been would never have been. Whittier's writing is based on the belief that fate has a plan and as much as we would love to defeat it...it is what it is.

What if I didn't do this?

What if I did that?

What if I just said this instead of that?

What if we did or didn't do many things. Would that have changed our destiny and change 'what might have been'?

This is why those words are so sad.

I am in the middle of watching 'Angels and Demons' but I want to pick this up later tonight...

The Blonde only can guess what will be!


11.23.2009

Frogs Don't Have Butts

I was just thinking of my first best friend, Skeevy. My sister said he stuck firecrackers up frogs butts and blew them up. It just occurred to me this very moment that frogs don't have butts!!

And a frog's pooper is way too small to accommodate a firecracker.

Hmmm....

Anyhoo,

I am slow to catch up on things. It wasn't until after my 20th birthday that someone finally explained that a dog in heat did not mean a horny male dog.

Last year I learned that Thanksgiving is not always on the 21st like I thought and that Easter is not the first Sunday in April.

Hhmm...

Anyhoo,

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for Emancipet for fixing the feral and to the family with a fabulous farm like setting that just adopted him.

Now back to studying!

The Blonde is pooped!

11.22.2009

Delete, Delete, Delete

I am way too sappy these days. I write something on the blog and then I delete it.

I am afraid I am losing my funny, that or I am just becoming incredibly boring.

Boring, on one hand would be great.

Boring would mean I settled down with someone and living a great life and no one wants to hear someone rant about a great life.

Its too boring!!

I am hoping for a little more boring in my life. I actually have been practicing all week. I promised to wait for someone and so I keeping my promise, at least until I realize it was just an easy way of getting rid of me, and although it is causing a severe lack of dating horror stories, it is helping to keep my grades up.

But not to worry my bloggies, I have so many stories, memories, and tidbits of dating information stashed in notebooks and diaries that I could keep this blog up for another two years, while I take a romantic holiday.

Hold on y'all, this is going to be a bumpy ride on memory lane!!

And hey, if this new guy doesn't work out, It will just be back to business for the Blonde!

The Blonde is not looking for new blog entries!!

11.17.2009

I Am Losing My Blonde

I went to the vet to get some sedatives for my feral kitty. He refuses to have anything to do with the cage, no matter how expensive the salmon is.

He is a boy, I peaked under his tail which is a good thing because its only $29 to fix him. Shots are extra. I am waiting on Emancipet to give me the go ahead to bring him in and make him an adoptable catizen.

I am not going to give up on him. I think he would make someone a really great pet.

Hint, Hint!!

Anybody?!

Beuler?!

Someone adopt the kitty pleezzzz!!!

I would keep him but I am dangerously close to becoming Edie from 'Grey Gardens' and I refuse to be anything of the sort.

I am already a horrible bore these days. I study and study and study. I rarely go out unless its for a bottle of wine or cat food.

Oh My Gahh!!

I am Edie!!!

My handsome prince better get his horse in giddy up mode and help turn me back into the fabulous blonde I once was.

No pumpkin necessary!!

The Blonde will not go baldly into the night!!

11.13.2009

You Can't Swing On Grapevines

but the Mattel 'doll set' couple sitting behind me most certainly tried at the Grove Wine Bar.

I was planning just to sit in the hostess area and wait for my date to arrive but the bartender recognized me from a restaurant I used to go to and asked me what wine I would like. Naturally, I sat down to his hospitality and ordered a little french number.

While I was seated at the bar and staring blankly at the wall, a highly skilled trait of a blonde, the Barbie part of the Mattel couple approached me. She was as plastic as you can get without actually being a doll. She lifted her hand with elbow firmly planted against her body and in a robotic motion waited for me to shake her hand. She blinked a few times and then spoke without someone pulling her strings. It was really quite amazing. I wonder if I can get one for my niece and ship it to her in time for the holidays.

I just need to find a really big box with air holes.

Anyhoo!

In plastic doll speak, she told me she liked my hat. I thanked her and hoped she was on her way to the ladies room to refill the candy in her nose but she just stood there staring at me. Then an awkward moment later, she repeated the hat comment and walked back to her table.


The next minute later, Barbies' Ken comes up to the bar and asks me if someone the seat next to me is taken. I said no but I am waiting for someone.

Ken sat down anyway. I guess plastic ears don;t hear as well as real ones.

It was an innocent enough conversation but after Ken's Barbie tried to prime me, I knew what Ken was up to. I never liked playing Barbie and I thought Ken was gay and I am no Skipper.

I don't swing that way!!
I don't care if you have a pink corvette,

or penthouse

or boat with a blender!!

I just stared at the sports channel focusing on speeding up the clock so my date would arrive now. When he finally arrived ( its seemed like forever) just a minute later, I was super happy, to say the least.

We moved to the dining area with a wall safely dividing us from the Mattel group.

All I could think about is how I would never want to share the man I love with anyone.



The Blonde likes a solo act!!

10.28.2009

Do Not Smoosh Bugs

...on your dates leg!!


I had a date in good ole San Antone last night. A pretty night called for margaritas and some
tex-mex on the deck, under a large tree, at this pretty little restaurant on the north end of the city.

Seeing as its almost November and being smack in the middle of fall, it did not occur to me that the last remaining mosquito this season would land on my thigh.

It also did not occur to me that my date would take his hand and smack the mosquito so hard that it would smoosh and stick to my leg. It all happened so fast. I only saw the aftermath when my date lifted his hand.


I am at a restaurant!

I will not scream!

I will not panic

Get it off, get it offf, GET IT OFF!!!

With a quick swipe of the napkin, it was gone but the grossness of the event lingered on throughout dinner. I used half my martini to disinfect my leg and the other half to blur my memory of a dead smooshed bloody thing all over my thigh.

After 3 jalopena and pomegrante martinis, not as bad as you think, I was laughing and almost completely over the bug attack and thinking I might not get some weird new string of swine virus from it when a giant moth landed on the table.

That was all I needed to end the outdoor festivities! Other than that the date went well.


The Blonde doesn't get bugged much!!

10.23.2009

Waiter, The Check ...Quickly Please

I went out last night with someone who looked about 10 years older and 4 inches shorter than his pictures revealed online. The profile also forgot to mention in the 'about me' section, about him being an old fashion bigot. He actually used the 'N' word three freaking times.
I told him he need to quickly stop with it right there. I should have just left but I am a glutton for punishment and I really wanted my petit filet and King crab legs. Sullivan's is super cheesy but there food is always good.

So I stay and it gets worse.

Oh yes it does!!

It gets fabulously worse.

Old Tex fessed up that he drank a 24 oz can of Coors ( redneck pronunciation: cuurs) driving from Houston to Austin. He had several glasses of wine before I got to the restaurant. He plowed down 4 more glasses of wine at dinner, getting a little nastier and a little more honest about his true nature, which is a natural jerk.

He starts telling me how the twenty somethings will hit on him because he has a house on the lake and big Mercedes Benz. He slurrs some sentences on why he hates pretentious people that have a problem with the 'F' bomb.

Etc...

Etc...

Etc...

As I nudge the waiters to help me round up things at this dinner, he lifts his head from a stuper and tells me he needs to pick up his friends at the airport. I kept asking, "Are you sure you don't want to switch to water or tea. I can make sure its green and not black tea." Ok, I really didn't say the last part but seriously, who says the 'N' word anymore, other than one of my favorite comedians Kat Williams.

I didn't want this dude on the road smashing into an inoccent car. He just kept telling me that he was getting drunker...but he kept drinking.

By the time this disaster ended he could barely walk properly. I left him abruptly on the curb and as I walked by the valets I said, "Grandpa is drunk again."

I just thought to myself the cops at the airport will help him out if he can't drive.


The Blonde is done with dinner dates!



10.22.2009

I Am Still Here

I just have been super busy studying, writing essays for school, and looking for new beaus on a new internet dating site I joined for 30 days. So far, its going very well. Time will tell if I am dealing with more habitual daters but I am feeling positive about it.

I had a great date with my first date. He is a cutey and I had a ball. He is 4 years younger than me, so it looks like I might be wanting to exercise my cougar skills but considering this is about as young as I will go, its not truly a wild at endeavor.

I have drinks tonight with someone and I am working the phone for a few out of towners. I do love to travel, only this time I am hitting mostly the west coast.

Sorry its only a quick note for you but I have to get ready for tonight.

The Blonde is Back to her pursuits!!!

10.07.2009

Changing My Blondes

...to brunettes.

You are who you hang with and quite frankly, I don't want to hang out with womanizers. At least the Captain admits it but Raine wouldn't admit he was in the wrong if you side swiped him across the head (choose whichever head you want) with two blondes, a red head and a brunette.

I don't want someone telling me women have an expiration date...uh hum...Captain. I think men in there 50's go through some type of mid life crisis because they seem to be the worst womanizers on the planet. Somewhere around 58 they get over it and start to look to settle down. I guess they realize they have an expiration date when they notice the she-well starts drying up and dating the young women they want isn't a game of shooting blondes in a barrel but more like a game of throwing a ring over a coca cola bottle; you need to pull out a lot of dollars to get the prize.

What is funny, guys lie about there age just as much as woman on internet sites. I try to stay below 46 but somehow, the men I date seem to creep up in age over a dinner date. I want someone my age who is as excited about finding a girlfriend just as much as I am about finding a boyfriend.

As far as hanging with my blondes? Eventually if I continue my friendship with these men they will have me convinced that I am too old to deserve anything better than what they are offering, which is a whole lot of nothing.

I am replacing them with brunettes.

The Blonde likes her new out look!!!

10.06.2009

Who Got A

for annoyed?!

I got A!!

I am so glad I do not pay for the dating site I am most recently frolicking on. I would be really miffed knowing half the dudes on this site are online dating junkies.

Its like surfing through a needle in a haystack just to find one nice guy which I am fairly sure with the name of this site, there aren't really any. I mean they are nice, they just don't mean anything they portray or say on their profile.

My favorite ones are the ones that will try to string you along on a lie.

I hate those.

Why can't they just be up front about their real deal?

Its a new time.

Woman are going slut and having a ball with it!


I actually am probably way too honest, on my profile, for this site but I really don't expect to find the love of my life on it anyway... but you never know.

Always the optimist!!

Right now its a great way to blow off steam while I am studying.

Another great thing about not paying for the premo service is I can't see who viewed me and /or who favorited me. I think if they can't even say at least a little hello, he is not man enough for me. Besides I don't want to get my feelings hurt looking at all the ones that passed me up. Its so much easier to live in a false sense of fabulousness than it is seeing the reality that I was passed up by a bunch of cute junkies.

Anyhoo,

I have to get back to studying. I have a big line up for the weekend and I need to cram class work in before the fun starts to hit the fan.

The Blonde is in a better class!

10.02.2009

Google Was Wrong

(read yesterday's posting)

That was not the guy who answered my ad for platonic ticket to ACL festival.

Whew!

But the guy who did answer the ad is not my type.

First of all, never, never, never send me a picture without your shirt on unless I have carnal knowledge of you already!

Second, what idiot wears sunglasses indoors while taking a snapshot of himself with the webcam?

and Third but not least; he used the word dating when I said strictly platonic.

The fact he emailed me 6 times already, I am fairly certain he has classic stalker tendencies and I just got rid of the last one.

This weekend I am going back some oldies but some goodies; one old date I ran into and one of the cuter ex's. He is my safe and but sorry I broke up with you backup when I am in need of comfort friend.

The Blonde turned to the right guys!

9.26.2009

New York Blast



It was a short trip but well worth the travel time.


The Blonde has a story to tell!!

9.20.2009

Internet Dating is Funny

I have to pick on this profile..I just find it too funny not to share!!


The Dude is 51 and not Brad Pitt or John Corbett or even George Clooney hot!!

Are you that special?...a complete woman?
Description:

I am so fed up of women who have limitations...who sleep too much, who don't do this or that...who have no concept of what an amazing relationship can be like and who offer so little when wanting so much...I am not sure which is worse, the ones who are just mediocre and don't realize it...or the one's who are knowingly shallow and materialistic...please do not bother me unless you satisfy everything I am looking for below - and expect your man also to be everything you desire....Also, please do not bother if you smoke or have oral issues/limitations....
Relationship I am Seeking
I'm Seeking:

Women
For:

Marriage, Long-Term Relationship
Description:

Are you a complete woman? No REALLY? I know they exist as I have had one whom I tragically lost. They love unconditionally, make love with passion, imagination and WITHOUT limit (ie they love everything normal), prefer to be awake than asleep, kiss amazingly, live enthusiastically and plan positively. They are totally unselfish, unaffected, unpretentious and live to please. They also expect the same from their man. Please do not go any further if you do not fully associate with the foregoing or think I am looking for a lot. So, if you are interested, I'm very young-looking, sporty - all sorts, fit, speak seven languages, accomplished musician, have a doctorate, don't smoke or drink, (never have), wicked sense of humour, strong, passionate and affectionate (extremely). I'm great fun, attentive, unpretentious, easy going and I'm looking for a serious relationship, nothing else. I'm used to being with an intelligent, naturally beautiful (I'm aesthetically driven - looks do matter), internationally educated, (much) younger, elegant, sporty, sensual and affectionate girl, who has immense poise and character and a stunning physique (natural or enhanced). A woman who stands out in her own right, or could/should. Someone who thrives on being in a strong and exceptional relationship in which each partner's emotional, physical, sexual, intellectual, family, social and other needs are not only met but exceeded. Preferably someone who wants a family at some point, probably 23-37 but I am flexible. Interested? Compatible? Sure? Really? Are you an amazing lover, friend, wife and mother in the making and just needing the right guy? Then please let me know. But remember. I am no one's sugardaddie, I am someone's future equal, partner or husband.



The Blonde loves irony!

Male Order Catalog

The great thing about internet dating is the turn around time to receive a new guy in an email!!

You just flip through the profiles like you would the pages of a catalog, place your item in the basket by way of a favorite button and voila; you have men in your size and color.

The one I ordered this time is a much better fit than my last order. This one comes with a yacht in Newport Beach, a condo in mid-west Manhattan, dark hair, made in Spain, with french accents. This order comes without fake promises, the too soon 'I love you' but don't mean it routine, and no sob story about some girl who committed suicide because of him.

I have no doubt after wearing the last guy for a bit, he was a very bad fit. Now that he is returned, and I have a new credit on my attitude, I am ordering a replacement.

A quick note on refilling your order for a new guy.

Be careful!!

After your order arrives and its not exactly as promised on the profile, you may feel cheated and discouraged about ordering a new man.

But just remember all of the products we buy that don't deliver what they promise either, like cellulite cream, face lift lotions, and diet pills.

In the end, we learn what does work, what is true, and eventually grow a better consumer and lover because we end up finding satisfaction in the simplest of products.

When ordering a man just remember that less promises is more man.

I personally haven't learned that lesson yet and am in search of the exception to the rule, so just do as I say and not what I do for now.


The Blonde is headed to NY for a fitting!!

9.12.2009

The World Don't Stop

I am sitting on the veranda with candle light and listening to the rain with Mary Chapin Carpenter playing on my stereo in the background.

I have pulled Black Betty out for the night. For those of you who don't know Black Betty, allow me to introduce you; she is my guitar and I play her when no one is listening, mainly because I don;t know how to play it correctly.

Tonight, I am only fuzzy with sips of wine and I am at peace. I am enjoying my alone time and many epiphanies have rolled across my mind like the foam of the ocean waves that used to kiss my feet on the beach just before they roll back into the abyss.

It has been a long time since I have seen the ocean and felt its power rush over me but I remember it. With the stroke of my hand in the glass jar that holds the sand that last touched me, waves of memories and epiphanies cross my mind.

But, I still have many questions!



The Blonde mind never ends!

9.11.2009

Phone Purge Day

Today is the day I purge my phone from all the dates I can't remember, dates I wish I didn't remember, and one jerk, whose emails will be posted on my wall of shame blog.

I have had only one other person make it to my wall of shame in 2 years so this is a really big award. Give me time to gather up the "I really love you, want to have your baby, and your future husband' emails and post them to 'Blonded by Love'. Give me time to dust off the blog, its been awhile since I was blown off my game by an all promising ninny.

I am sure I am not the only one who falls for this kind of thing. We all have had a few in our past and they never do work out. I am learning that the ones that bring it on way too strong in the beginning have nothing to follow through with in the end.

This was a really good lesson (again) because in the end I have learned that its the ones that take things slow and who are always there for me no matter what.
I have that with someone whom I dismissed way too early on in the relationship because it wasn't moving as fast as the Blonde likes it. I think I will get out of the passing lane and move over to the right and take my time getting to where I want to be.


The Blonde has cleared her memory!!

9.10.2009

Climbing On Top



I am not a dominatrix but I play one on the internet, or at least I used to for fun.

Just another hilarious story hidden away in my unpublished book of "Real Blonde Moments: The Unedited Version".

I think now that I have some down time since my kanuk is AWOL, my grant money is on the slide, and school doesn't start for another two weeks, that this is the time to find an agent. Like I have always said, "I am a Paul Harvey rest of the story, waiting to happen."



The Blonde likes rock bottom!!

9.08.2009

Drama Queens and Circus Freaks

I am not the elephant man!

I am not an animal!!

But I totally feel like a circus freak!

Since my asthma attack in front of the kanuck, I have not heard hide nor hair from him, other than to tell me how freaked it made him and he needs time...in an email reply.

Well...

I think he has had plenty of time to make me feel like a freak!

Dumping me off at the curb of the airport and never bothering to check on me is another pretty good indicator of where this time thing is going and I just don't see time and my kanuck headed in my direction any time soon.


I guess its best to give him the option out without feeling bad, so I did.

I can't sit here and cry in the center ring and hope for a great show. I need to pick my circus freakness up and hop back onto the trapeze and hit the dating arena again.

In time I will realize this had nothing to do with me or my asthma attack and everything to do with someone not ready to commit to what he said he wanted.

In the circus of love there are no safety nets and when you fall, you hit hard.

I have had a few breaks in my time but I am not scared to do it as many times as I need to until I get it right.

And even if swinging from the trapeze and falling wasn't my fault, the break hurts just as much.


In the end, what I have learned about love is that it is a freak of nature in itself and a lot of us are scared to accept it as it is. A grotesque form of emotions that we are afraid to face but want to see- sort of like the elephant man.

As long as their is a cage holding it in and us away from harm, we will look at it. But take away that sense of safety and put that freak boldly in our face and we want to run away or kill it.

I for one am not an animal.

I am not a freak.

I am just a Blonde looking for her other half of the trapeze show.


The Blonde will take the ring!!

9.02.2009

Not My Greatest Week

After recovering from a wicked asthma attack, I am back to full breathing. I have been playing tennis and working out at the spa in Houston. My tennis instructor is super hot but still not as cute as the kanuck.

Any guy that can dance naked in an apron and make a killer osso buco while doing it, is tops in my little black book; even if he sent me directly home after wigging out during my little wheezing spell. At this point, I am trying to just understand his point of view. But after the hideousness of trying to get home after being literally dumped off at the airport, its a bit hard at this moment.

I am still a bit miffed!

Even though he was nice enough to pay for all the medial bills, don't you think it would have at least been the gentlemanly thing to do, to keep the phone by his side to make sure I made it home alright?

I felt as if he completely wiped me from his thought the moment I hit the airport curb. I got a text the next morning saying he left his phone behind and didn't bother to check his messages until morning.

I hope things just dissipate and all this horribleness goes away and maybe get back to the way it was, but I wonder, do I really want that? I am already a bit heart torn. I can't imagine down the road, when I have completely given my heart to this kanuck that he decides to dump me off on some curb because I sneezed too hard.

I hate the beginning of dating anyway. You never really know your certain someone well enough to understand their motivations. I always give the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time, it ends up swiping me in the face. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to just skip right to the middle of the relationship where its perfect, passionate, and comfortable all at the same time?


Maybe there is no middle phase for this one. I thought there would be. Maybe I read the signs wrong. I made myself believe he was the one. I really wanted it to be true.

I even convinced myself this was kizmit.

That fate brought him to me, carbon copied right from my wish list.

The perfect guy!

But then fate goes and smacks me down with the wheez, right in front of him!

Is it a test?

Or is it just what it is?

What the h e double ll?

Sigh......

I am sick of thinking about it. I have already burned my neck twice with the curling iron and backed into a bee nest on the veranda, got stung a few times, all because my mind is consumed with figuring out fates odd sense of humor or poor sense of timing.

Anyhoo,

Today I am turning off the phone and just doing a little more me time. After gym, I am just going to lounge by the pool and pretend everything is fine. Tomorrow, I will pack up, head home for Labor Day weekend and hope a party or two will get me out of my funk.

The Blonde is ready for the weekend!!

9.01.2009

A Dog, Some Wine, and the Pantless Chef

Breathe Bitch!!!!

Rough estimate time line...

Arrive 7pm Toronto

8pm Arrive penthouse

8:05pm
Pet dog

8:10pm
Glass of wine

8:30pm
Dinner

9:00pm
Another glass of wine

9:10pm Chef takes pants off

9:15pm
Blonde really laughing

9:20pm Naked Chef dances with apron

Fuzzy Blonde laughing and wheezing

Fuzzy Blonde wheezing, gasping for air


Blonde is passed out

Ambulance

Blonde wakes up

Breathes

Goes to bed

9am wheezing begins

Gasping

Pharmacy no inhaler

Clinic waiting room

10am Ambulance

11am Emergency room

11:30 Blonde breathing

Noon
Chef thoroughly freaked out calls travel agency

Afternoon Blonde dumped at airport

Plane is broken

Wait for mechanics

Plane fixed

Miss connection in Chicago

Crying

Crying

Find hotel stay over night

Blonde cries herself to sleep

Gets up and gets on plane

Next day Noon Arrive in Austin

12:15
Margaritas with the Captain

3pm Lunch with Agusto

3:30 swap clothes out and repack

8pm
in Houston


Yesterday
Shopping

Today
Drink wine and forget everything that happened.


The Blonde doesn't know what else to say!!

8.18.2009

Heloooo Runner

I have been hitting the trails three times a week to get in shape for the Reserves, which after careful thought and failure to successfully complete a shower in 7 minutes, I have have decided that its in the Armys' best interest not to count on me to be anyone strong enough to fight for more than the last pair of Jimmy Choo's on sale, in my size.

Besides, I have another reason to hit the trails.

Men!!

Glorious sweatie, shirtless hotties all at my visual disposal. On the weekday, its not very crowded, a few men here and there but I only need a few to make my run worth the trip. The Kanuck is too far for me to keep my attention focused on him all the time, so I am occupying myself with other healthy endeavors.

Besides, I don't think we have committed to anything, although, he is holding my coat hostage until next time we meet, but what if there isn't a next time? I don't know him well enough to trust him with my designer stuff. I don't want to give up a perfectly good Bebe trench coat to whatever girl he brings home after me. If you know women, and I do, they will take other femmes' leftovers claiming it shouldn't have been in the man's place anyway. Its the girls version of peeing on their territory. I hope my coat comes wrapped up in his suitcase but if not, I am comfortable trusting Fedex to deliver it safely.

So until something is solid with Canandia, I guess I am open to check out the Zilker Park candy trails.

One in particular has caught my attention and although I only see him briefly as I pass him by, its all I need to get my flirt on. I passed him on Saturday and we did the eye contact thing. Today we did eye contact with a grin from him. I am waiting to give my grin back next time I see him. I guess I will be disappointed if I don't get to pass on my grin to him but I am certainly not going to play stalker and schedule my run just to do it.

It takes at least 4 runs to bond with a passer by...LOL
Plus, I like to believe in serendipitous moments.

Even if I don't see him, its OK because the running eye candy doesn't have any of my clothes. If that were the case, I would schedule a stalk time to retrieve my designer wears.

The Blonde hates to run out of clothes!!

8.17.2009

Dear Kellogg's Cereal Promo Dudes

If you are going to put a promotion on the back of your cereal box that makes me have to consume 3 boxes to get the three tokens I need for the prize, than keep the promotion going long enough for me to get the damn prize!!

I was saving up for the Star Trek 1 gig memory bracelet and now that I am one token shy of my 3 tokens, there are no more boxes with the Star Trek tokens left on the grocery shelf at HEB.

I really don't think I should be forced into buying 3 boxes of cereal at the same time to get the tokens.

Do you?

It used be so much more fun as a kid, especially when I was able to consume half a box of Rice Krispies in one sitting and not gain 5lbs to my arse doing it. But I don't play 6 hours a day anymore. Half the day, I am sitting and working and carbs don't burn as quickly when only my fingers are getting a good work out on the keyboard. Its difficult for someone like me, on a low carb diet, to get any sort of cereal prize today.

Kelloggs has the audacity to make the most of their marketing by promoting different cereals with different promotions on the back of the box.

If I want Star Trek, I have to buy Tony the Tiger Frosted Flakes.

If I want the stupid alarm clock with the Kellog's figures on it, and I do, I have to buy Sugar Pops or Cheerios.

Adults can't eat that much sugar and stay thin and Kellog's doesn't put promotions on big kids cereal like Special K, Fiber K, or whatever cardboard flavor cereal they are peddling to adults to stay healthy.

I don't think its fair that kids get all the fun. After all, its the adults who are paying for the frosted cereal treats.

How about putting tokens on the box to send away for botox, lip plumper, or laser treatment.

Women are suckers, including me!!

I will buy two or three boxes at a time for Special K, if the tokens are for a spa treatment.

Hell, put a huge promo up to collect enough tokens for breast implants!!


Dudettes and their boyfriends will gladly eat their away into a thousand boxes of frosty yumminess for a pair of double Ds. And after all that sugar consumption, they will need it to equalize out the size spread of their arse.

Otherwise, just give me enough time to consume my darn 3 boxes of frosted flakes before you take away my chance to get the Star Trek memory bracelet!!!


The Blonde hates playing games that don't win!!

8.15.2009

Happy 40th Anniversary Woodstock






I missed the first one but I made it to the 25th Anniversary!!!

The Blonde Wants Love not War!!

8.14.2009

Blonde Moment 998

I slept in late this morning, thinking I might just stay in bed and keep my head tucked under my pillow until I win the lottery. But I am not Rumpelstiltskin and my body begins to ache if I stay too long in bed, on my mushy mattress.

Also, I heard a barrage of planes go by my window. They kept circling over my house and I thought the military was doing exercises.

I hadn't had my cup of coffee and my head was fuzzy.

I rushed outside to see the planes.

No planes!!!

Hhmm...

Ohhh...

Duh......

Ohhh...give the Blonde her coffee pleezzzz!


Its Friday


The landscapers are circling the lawn with their mowers!!

8.12.2009

As Much as I Adore You

I have to put you on hold for just a few days. I am working on articles for Texas Monthly and the New York Times and if I give all my good stuff away on the blog, I won't have a thing to write about.

The hard part is writing the right article to get published.


Wish me luck y'all!!!

If all else fails, I am back to temp work and I hate wearing office clothes, I am way too much a fashionista to wear plain suits and office attire, but I will do it!

Even worse than that I hate the office politics involved. I just read an article in the Statesman about two city managers being sent on leave because they have cost the city $50,000 in mediation to work their differences out.

Of course they are women!!

I wonder if its a hormonal thing?!!

Why can't women get past indifference and work things out nicely?

I want to work with fun and creative fabulousness.


Give me a few days to get back to blogging.

The Blonde is finally wwriting again!!!

8.10.2009

Bah, Bah, Black Sheep

Have you any wool or anything that would make the world believe you have something to give?

No sir, no sir...

and now I believe I have little to give.

With each passing of my resume, I have any doubt I have anything to give.

I do not belong here.

I do not belong there.

I do not belong anywhere!!

I am a Dr. Suess tale without the happy ending.

I grab for this.

I grab for that.

I grab for whatever will keep me afloat.

No tree.

No turtle.

No bread buttered on the right or wrong side.

My eggs are green and my ham unbaked.

The Grinch has taken everything!


I am a Dr Suess story without a happy ending.

I am the black sheep.

Nothing for the dame.

Nothing for her little boy.

But...

In the end...


I am the elephant that clings to a little voice of hope!



The Blonde is looking for a shade less darker!!!

8.08.2009

The Present that Broke the Families Back

I swear you have never seen such a site. A grown family yelling at each other over who gets to deal with the dead bird one of the cat's brought into the garage.

Its your cat!

How do I know my cat killed the bird?

Maybe it died of natural causes thus you get the bird!

Boo get the bird!

Why do I have to get the bird?

Because your the male and dead animal extraction is a blue job!

That's sexist and on that basis, I am not getting the bird!

Big Daddy, get the bird, pleeeeze!!!!

I am not getting the bird.

Mother!! you get the bird.

I think its the bat that bit you.

It doesn't have any legs and its wings are funny. It could be the bat.

Fine. You get the bat and put it in a baggie and take it in for an exam.

No. Its a bird. Its your cat and she brought it to you as a birthday gift.

So, you get the bird!!

Boo...get the damn bird!!

I am not getting the f--ing bird!!

Watch your mouth and get the bird for me!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!

I pay for your car, get the damn bird!!!!

I do not pick up dead things!!

I gave you my last bit of cash..GET THE BIRD GAH DAMMIT!!!

No one asked you to give me your last bit of cash!!

Fine, give it back and get the bird!!!

No!!!

Somebody is getting that bird and its not me!!

Call someone!

You call someone!!!

This isn't funny...get the bird!!


Why couldn't you get the bird?!

Its not my cat!

How do I know it wasn't Gustav, and he is your cat!!

Because he doesn't catch birds. Its your cat that dragged it in.

You have no proof of which cat killed the bird!!!

You blame my cat's on everything!!!!

Maybe the neighbor's cat did it!!

Fine...call a neighbor then!!!

Can we do that?!



You aren't calling anyone.

Someone get the damn bird out before I have to!!!!


Staring

Silence

Staring at each other still



Gah X@#dam--f#@$XX)ing$&@#mother f---&#@#% FINE!!!!!


I will do it my-f@#$&$#@-ing self!!!!




I extracted the bird and laid it to rest behind the neighbors yard.

After all, the bird should R.I.P. and clearly it can't be done near our home.


Now, no one is talking to anyone and we have all locked our selves in our rooms.



The Blonde is finally at peace!!

8.07.2009

They Say Its Your Birthday


Happy Birthday to ya!!

Yah! Yah! Yah!

The Blonde is turning one less older today. I have received a plethora of cards from department stores wishing me a happy one and to celebrate my special day, they have included discounts on my purchases.

Little do they know, discounts only work if they include a check for my birthday, like Gramms used to send. I couldn't purchase a fly for bait these days.

I just returned from a glorious time in Napa. It was such a magical place where every day is a celebration of friends and family around a table of fabulous food and wine. I felt like I was in the musical Brigadoon. A place that is hidden away under the early morning fog, only to lift and reveal skies of such blue you can't help but keep your head in the clouds.

But Brigadoon is far from me now and I am back home to live the reality of things in the moment. Like the tax man visiting my home to make sure I am not running a business; having to dig through the want ads for freelance work that actually pays for this months unexpected auto failures; my trade account just hit the negative; and I am another year closer to being old.

I would be thoroughly depressed if it weren't for the fact, I still look great, my weight is not climbing the stairs with my age, I have a cute kanuck wanting to see me again, and I have my family birthday gathering with ice cream cake.


The Blonde is quite happy!!

8.06.2009

Napa, Napa, Napa





May I just say, I happily slurred my words through every glorious lunch and dinner.

The Blonde will be backa!!

7.30.2009

Why Its a Blonde Life

There is nothing else to blame the realities of my life on other than it being a blonde's life.

A blonde's life does not care that I had a fabulous time in Canada; it does not care that I might have, possibly met the 'one'; nor does it care that I need fresh water to bathe and have my morning coffee, and brush my teeth.

A blonde's life wants to make sure I appreciate everything that I am temporarily given and that I should not take anything for granted.

After living a fabulous weekend and creating in my head how that weekend should play out in the years to come, I was slammed with the reality of my life here at home.

The main water line to the house broke and Boo (also blonde) and I tried to help Big Daddy by spending 6 hours digging and replacing the broken pipe.

Here is where the double blonde whammy comes in.

We fixed the wrong pipe!

Actually we hit the good pipe with a pick ax and had to replace it only to discover the leak came from another pipe just beneath it.

We also used the wrong joints to fix the pipe. Apparently, there is a little something, something called water pressure and the rubber clampy things we tried to use, aren't enough to create a solid seal and our work was burst into water flames the minute we turned on the aqua flow.

Needless to say we brought in a professional to repair our damage and the original leak.

Seeing as my body is not used to hard manual labor, it rejected any good sleep I might have needed and opted for a restless one, with stiff muscles and joint pain, instead.

This morning I went to turn my head and I heard a crack and a crunch.

I thought to myself, that's not good.

And it wasn't.

I now have to keep my head cocked to a 33 degree angle to the right and if I dare try to turn my head to the left, my knees buckle.

Here is the fun part.

Oh, yes...it gets better!!

I am supposed to leave for a 'Clouds in the Sky' kind of Napa dream filled holiday this Saturday.


Its also the beginning of the month, which means its a whole new endeavor to make my monthly credit payments and I will have to work cock-eyed and to the right if anything is to get done.

I wonder if the universe is telling me to just give up and accept my sad little happy life, or if it might just one allow me to have the only dream I have ever had since I was little, and a chance to expand my world to be incredible.

I would tell you what my dream is, but you can guess, besides I don't need anything else to jinx me up.

The Blonde is living under unusual circumstances

7.27.2009

Crazy as a Bat

I have to briefly interrupt my adventures of Canada for a 'Mother' news flash.

I am not a Doctor although my Mother thinks I am. She was bit by something while outside feeding her fish. The bite grew from a spider to a bat mawling her undetected and all she needed to come up with this scenario is her very inventive mind, a television special on bats, and a hair ball one of the cats tossed up on the driveway.

Only my Mother can take a mosquito bite and turn it into an attack of a very quick and stealth bat that can fly into her hair, bite her head, and get out like a bee.

Her little bite now has claw marks and teeth marks and the poison is spreading throughout her body.

She has a stiff neck, pain in her arm, and she thinks the hairball has remnants of chewed up bat wings, a small head, and an undigested claw.


If she is not dead by morning we are sending her to the hospital for diagnosis...

for the bite

and then...


for her mental health.


If we let this bat bite progress to more theory, my cats will end up in kitty jail while my Mother gets rabies shots for the next 3 months.

This reminds me of the time she thought a broken coke bottle and wire sticking out of cement was an attempt by terrorists to blow up our neighborhood entrance.


Don't ask


The Blonde is holding onto her sanity!

Blonde Moment 791



Even in Canada I have simple little blonde moments. I was staying with my friend in his fab Toronoto loft and saw this sculpture on his fireplace. I thought it was a brilliant art piece. Of course I wanted to go up and touch it. Why I want to touch art, I have no idea but it drives the pinkertons in museums crazy.

Anyhoo,

I touched it

I screamed

It was rubbery and for a blonde moment

I thought it was real

live

but dead

or stuffed

or something.



It was a child's rubber play toy!

Toronto Jazz Festival Picture Expose 2009









The Blonde knows Toronto rocks!!

7.25.2009

Kanoodling Around Canada








I am romping around Canada and gathering some adventurous tales for yee all.

The Blonde is jazzed!

7.22.2009

The Tale of Despereaux

I have wanted to watch this movie for some time.

A swashbuckling mouse that fears nothing. A tiny mouse that thinks he is no less than a giant.

Alas, I was disappointed and enlightened at the same time.

I thought it would be like Shrek but more romantic, more Musketeer, more King Arthur, but it is not.

It isn't about romance at all!

It isn't about swords and swashbuckling.

It is about loss.

It is about blame.

It is about anger.


But...

Above all else, it is about redemption, and forgiveness, and finding a renewed sense of love, and all that is good.

I love fairy tales, fables, and children stories.

In such a world of complex times, these stories teach us the fundamentals of what the world should aspire to be. It reminds us of how we were, before adulthood grasped us by the throat and told us how life is.

Life is what ever you want it to be. It is what ever you dream of. It is about hope and faith and love.

Today, someone jumped to their death from their balcony at the 360 Condos and I wonder?

Had they had a sense of what was worth valuing in life, would they have jumped?

Had they watched Despereaux or King Arthur, that might they had a glimpse of what was truly worth living for?

Did they only think their life was valued by a credit score?

Did they think that no one would love them if they had nothing?

Obama wants change but the Republicans can't afford to allow the democrats to look good, so they thwart his efforts.

Meanwhile, we have creditors that call 9 times a day. I should know because that is how many calls I received and I was only 1 month behind in my payment for a credit card that had only $2k on it.

You can not get blood from a stone, but you can get blood from someone who jumped off their balcony because they were pushed over the edge by creditors.

Had they watched Despereaux or King Arthur, they would not have offered their life for such an unworthy reason.


The Blonde bows only to a noble cause!

Fools Rush In

...where chickens fear to tread.

Once upon a time, a young girl went to a psychic who read her hand. On her hand was written many things, but the most important thing was what was written about love on her palm.

The soothsayer said the girl wouldn't find her true love until later in her life. He continued to read the hand that said when she did find this love, he would be the one and that happily ever after would be her fate. He also said the girl would be a successful writer around the same time.

Well, this girl grew up and began to write and dated many men but they never seemed to work out. She was waiting for the one in the palm of her hand.

Last week, she found him. And now she can begin her life with the love she has waited for all this time.

And with a little help with fate, her writing just might be made into a movie.


The Blonde is getting married!!

7.20.2009

Blind Faith

I am usually the one to fall head first into the depths of hope. A glimmer just above the water will have me rushing to take my clothes off and dive right in, and for that, I usually just end up conking my head at the bottom of the shallow wishing well.

But I am a Blonde and true to nature, no matter how many times I bonk my noggin at the bottom of that pool of hope, I will keep plunging, because if I give up, I know I will never get through to the other side. The side with the greener pasture.

I have my hope restored, for the moment; but as quick as it comes, it can easily be taken away. And for no other reason than that was its only purpose. The purpose to make me believe something better will come out of all of this.

I am so desperate to believe in something that I grasp at nothing. I do it every time. I guess there is something to being a dumb blonde.

Dumb enough to believe that with a little faith, everything will be better.

Time will tell.

Wish me luck.

I am speaking of love again.

Love is my crack and I don't want an intervention. I am going to keep grabbing for that high until I blow my heart out.


The Blonde is blinded by love, again!!

7.18.2009

On the Rocks





Let's play find the face, fish, and dog, while I try to construct coherent sentences, for my blog, about the fashion show last night.

With a rocking headache that took about five blueberry martinis to achieve, it may be awhile.


The Blonde is shaken, never stirred!!

7.15.2009

Leo Horoscope


Lately my horoscope has been dead on. For two days straight it said I need to organize my space to be more productive, as you can see, I do.

Today, my horoscope says:

There is a line up of activities I need to get to, and I will benefit from moving quickly from one to the next.

The cool thing about that is, its fashion week in Austin and I have a schedule of events to attend to promote my bikini line. And since most of the events are back to back from 6-9, I will have to pop in and out of, as many as I can.

Like anyone else worried about their present and future, I grasp onto the universe and want it to tell me what to do because at the moment I have no idea. I am just happy that I can get up every day and keep looking forward. Having my horoscope be in tune with what I am doing somehow makes me feel like I am on the right path and in tough times, its a good thing to know.

The Blonde needs all the guidance she can get!!

7.14.2009

Capital One Alarm Clock

Capital One sends me wake up calls on my cell phone. Like clockwork, every morning at 9 am I get a gentle reminder I am almost 45 days late on my credit card. As if I need a reminder that I can not pay. It does motivate me to get out of bed every morning and continue my efforts to look for work, continue sewing my bikinis for my online store, apply to community colleges for a quick degree in something, and place ads for my jewelry and jag on craigslist.

I should feel lucky I don't live in London. If your late on credit there, you have three men in bowler caps and black suits follow you around town like the grim reapers of your financial end.

To make matters a little more interesting, Boo had a job detailing boats for the summer but the drought dried up that opportunity. Lake Travis aqua level is dropping at a rate of 2ft a week. All the ramps are closed and the docks have been pushed out as far as they can go which means the lake will be closed to all boaters with in a week. That means, summer jobs will be cut, marinas will close, and local lake eateries will be very chill for the rest of the heat wave.

Soon I will get a snooze alarm from Capital One for Boo's car payment.

Good times!

Good times!

The Blonde is trying to keep her head above the water!!

7.13.2009

My Nothing to Do about Anything List

I want the adult taken out of adult alternative. It sounds like easy listening

I want the senior label USTA gives tennis players over 35 to be bumped up to 55

I break the ends off pretzels and only eat the salty middle

I am so in the red, I have to use Bush's color code system just to get back to black

I read the carb labels on everything.

I don't like to keep underwear past 3 months

I like thin towels for easier twisting

I fail at everything

I try everything

I am super green over Cody Diablos fame and wish fate would step it up for me

My favorite pair of shoes are my DKNY rubber boots I bought for music fests

I am not a fan of flowers as a gift, I prefer a bottle of perfume or trinket

I want and need the beach and its ocean every year for soul inspiration

I try to fall asleep with a smile every night because its the best face lift

I cry a little right before I have to mow the yard...I hate it that much

I am beginning to think life is predestined


The Blonde has a wish list too!!

7.08.2009

Rejection, Jection what's your Affection

...with me?


Ughhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Blondie has nothing funny to say after beating her toes trying to get a trunk show going, and I don't want to be a Debbie Downer to everyone else feeling the economic pinch to the arse.

I have decided I could either shoot myself or grow and sell shroomz. I just need a distributor and a farmer to show me how.

I figure the worse that will happen is; I get caught, get three free square meals, a paid for 10x10 studio with window, and a girlfriend named Flo who makes me call her Daddy.

The Blonde has had worse happen to her!!!!

7.02.2009

No Dead Ends

It seems the past two weeks has been an endless tragedy of death in the world of fame. Many names were not noteworthy due to age or the fact Americans don't watch reruns of British sitcom or bollywood movies.

It's mostly age.

I watched a few episodes of 'Pitchman' last night. They were playing them as a tribute to the late and irritatingly loud and lovable Billy Mayes. If you do not know who he is, you are to stupid to read my blog...so run along.

For the rest of you in the status quo know, Billy and his pal Sully, ran a pitch business together, that made them wealthy enough to play around in a private not G5 jet; still a jet.

What side you did not get to see, and the reality show helped me out on the peek-a-boo, is in the lives of inventors that have given their last coin to follow the full potential of the American dream of capitalism.

One man in particular got to me. I am not used to seeing men cry and feel the only time they should is when a loved one dies or their dog. If you cry over the cat, and I have cats, its not something I wish to see.

Anyhoo, back to my guy...

He choked on his words, "You don't give up until the tax man comes and hammers a notice on your door". He wiped his red eyes looked away and that was it. I knew what he meant, his wife knew what he meant, and his five children, had no clue as they danced for the cameras, what he meant.

Happy to say, the teary eyed bloke that gave me an extra boost to continue my new endeavor, grossed over $2 million thanks to his tenacity, the support of his family, and the genius of two guys that started selling sweepers, state to state, and ended up cleaning out the pockets of millions of happy consumers.


Blondes never run out of inspiration!

6.29.2009

PETA Would Be Proud

PETA would be proud

When I was 7, I walked in on my Father going to the bathroom, or as we like to call it, his personal library. He was sitting on the toilet and from that one instance, seeing him sitting, I deduced in my impressionable blonde mind that at a certain age men’s wankers fall off and they have to go to the bathroom just like girls. The funny thing is, I don’t ever recall ever seeing a man stand up to pee either. I guess it was ingrained somewhere in my psyche, must have been a boy who taught me about the dangly thing.

I recall this one moment, because I had another such walk in just recently. I needed a beach towel which are stowed away in my parent’s boudoir. The door was ajar and without suspect I opened it, looked up for a brief second, saw my Father sitting on his thrown with a book in his lap- after all, it was his library.

Thank Gah for the book!

I quickly retreated backwards with eyes shut and apologized profusely.

Than I retreated down the hall to the kitchen where I began to shake off the incidence. Just then a huge yelp from an unsuspecting Boo cried out. “Grandpa, shut the door!”

As he walked down the hall, his trail of disgust kept going, “Oh Gah, Oh Geez, Oh the horror. My eyes, my eyes.”

“Walk in on Big Daddy?”

“Ughhh, he didn’t shut the door.”

“Yep, me too. Beach towel. You?”

“Toilet paper. Ughh”


We had a good laugh about it only because once Big Daddy hits the library; the glorious odor that comes from his ‘reading’ leaves you staying a distance away from the entire bedroom wing. I never did get that beach towel and Boo hustled Big Daddy's woman in for the paper.

Now it seems, some rats have taken to my storage unit and have converted it to their own private library. I noticed their ‘reading’ all over the sheets that cover my antique chairs. I have discussed the problem before with the management but all they want to do is place rat traps and poison in my unit to rid me of their problem. Unfortunately, I rather see dried droppings than dead carcasses of rodents left behind by torture.

Imagine them dying in my space, near my things.

Never!!!

I rather sit in Big Daddy’s library after he read the entirety of ‘The Blah Story’, which is a 13 million-word book by Nigel Tomm!!

Ughh!!!

So, instead of killing the walking typhoid fur balls, I have decided it is in my best interest and the rats, to move.

Ughh!!


The Blonde hates animal control!

6.25.2009

Money Talks, Everyone Else Walks

I am listening to ACDC, whom I can never seem to get enough of, on nights like this; nights that make me think I should just chuck it all and be a vagabond on the beach or take a long walk on a short pier.

Money does talk, it talks louder than anything else in the world. For those of us who have lost it, for what ever reason- does it even matter why? It is a bit more difficult than never having money at all.

My friends, and even some men I know, seem to think being broke is contagious, or they think I am after them for something, and so they politely space themselves from me. It is alright, considering I can not afford to accompany them on the trips they take, the charity dinners they attend, nor the art exhibits from which they buy for their house, that I know longer have, anyway.

It seems to save face on both ends.

I am slowly becoming invisible but not in a bad way. I am just working in my cocoon to come out as a butterfly again. Spread my wings of fabulosity and see what life holds for me after I recover from this little stint in a financially dormant life.

One thing is for certain...men will be at the bottom of my list of hobbies... and friends--who needs the old ones when I can make new ones in exotic lands that I will most certainly be flying to.

And maybe, my wings will take me to a land that values the person more than their fame and fortune.

The Blonde has no room for baggage on her pretty little wings!!

I dedicate this to Farrah Fawcett!!!

I Have a Drinking Problem

...and the first step to reovery is admitting it. Its a problem that seems to fill the nooks and corners of desk tops and sewing areas with mounds of coffee cups, ice tea glasses, little wine glasses, and Fresca can...after Fresca can. At any given moment, I will drink simultaneously from several glasses strategically placed around my little bikini manufacturing room (aka. my bedroom suite). I constantly forget where I placed my glass or forget I already made myself a cup of tea and I will whip up, in the blender, a sugar free iced coffee.

It doesn't matter what the beverage, I just seem to be thirsty all the time. Perhaps its more that I am over compensating for my oral fixation and lack of a fag between my lips since I have had to cut down on my smoking due to a bank account on thin ice, my Nat Shermans being in the Louis Vuitton price range of smokes, and the government extorting funds from me that should be punishable under the RICO act.


At a time when I am afraid I may not make it to the next month and be able to pay bills, drinking during the day feeds my need for a vice while I worry about whether or not my little ecokini company can sustain my very small existence and grow into a future with a much larger lifestyle.


The Blonde makes a toast to better times!!!

Star Trek Movie

Since when did I develop a hyena's hunch on my back that needs to be accommodated by the bucket molded, seating in movie theaters?

I went to the new theater to see Star Trek, finally, and the seat had my head jetted half a foot in front of my shoulders. Why do they curve a chair that way? If they put the head rest in line with my shoulders, I wouldn't have the the inclination to recline the chair just so my head could sit up straight.

My back was sinking in the cavernous hole in the middle, where I should have had some lumbar support, , and the extra foot room for my feet in the chair in front of me was walled in by more plastic.

Do designers of theater seating really have a hatred for anyone who would prefer to sit up straight? Do they not understand the difference between reclining and slouching?

I would prefer if my head leaned back so I could try and focus on the too many close ups on the too small of a screen, that they cut to fit 16 screenings in one theater building.

Whatever happened to the big screen?

I dated guys with bigger screens in their theater rooms!!

On the other hand, the new theater had popcorn that was poly-saturated fat free cardboard, spinning greasy dogs, and no Reese's pieces!!!!


It sucked!!!!

Anyhoo,

If I go to movie again, it will be my 10 am movie on Sunday, at the old theater that smells like dirty socks, has reclining seats, self buttering popcorn, dirty water hot dogs, and a super large screen just for me.

PS. Star trek was perfectly fab, see it again!!!

Can't wait for GI Joe!!


Blondes like their own show!!!

6.24.2009

Parking Meters

University of Texas didn't go for my meter painting idea.

Hhmmm.....

Maybe I can talk Austin in letting me do the meters around the capital like little Texas flags.

The Blonde needs change for the meters!!

6.18.2009

Bugging PETA

Since el President did a smack down on a fly during a speech at the white house, and it found its way onto Youtube, PETA is sending a letter in respect to killing the fly more humanely.

I personally don't care how a bug is killed, just as long as someone else does it and I don't have to hear it, or see it.

Last night, I sat up in bed watching Bravo TV and a water roach crawled up on my bed and around my leg!!!

Needless, to say I did not get to sleep the entire night. I left my light on and when I heard a bug sound I would jump 3 feet out of bed.

Considering where I live, a bug should not be anywhere near the inside of the house. The house I owned, downtown in a groovy little neighborhood by the university, was a 1930 bungalow and I
always had a problem with the water roach that seeks out refuge inside the vintage cottages, before the summer heat arrived The antiquity of the homes made it very inviting for many of Mother Nature's creatures to earn squatting rights if you were a raccoon, squirrel, or bug. Now that I have upgraded my digs to the hills and sleep in a mcmansion, I should be protected from such invaders.

We have gates on our community for just this reason!

We don't like uninvited guests.

When they fly, it will scare the bigeebees out of me. I dart and run in panic, as if being sprayed with bullets. These 2" terroists have armor while I go unprotected.

I know PETA wants us to be humane but they have no idea the mental anguish I go through when they taunt me in the dark.

I say water board the little buggers.

The Blonde can not be friend to all creatures!!

6.16.2009

I Practiced Twirling

Tonight, like most nights, I sat on the porch thinking of what I really want to get out of life. I had a few pieces of cut bamboo next to me and I picked one up and began to twirl it, thinking how I could use it in one of my bikini designs.

The funny thing is, as I twirled the bamboo, thinking of all the possibilities it had in my designs, I totally forgot that I was twirling it on the tip of my fingers and it began to play like a feather just barely wisping upon the tips of my dancing digits; the moment I was conscious of my actions the bamboo dropped like a stiff stick.

I kept playing with the bamboo and my thoughts, and I learned, the more I concentrated on things in my head, the more the bamboo stick would dance, barely touching; floating and twirling right above my finger tips as if it were a surreal action portraying my life at that one moment.

Everything I have ever wanted was always a finger tip away and every time I thought it was in my grasp, the dream fell away.

I had an epiphany:

Until I focus on what I really want, that bamboo stick will always fall!

The Blonde is finding her balance!!

Eveything Gets Better With Time





Everything is falling apart these days from my left turning car, to my keyboard missing the 'c' key, to losing my domain; but I am adapting well.

I went to visit my storage unit last week and when I opened the large metal door to expose the contents of stacked boxes, antiques and furniture; the scent of my old house wafted through the air and I felt a bit of nostalgia warming up my soul.

I think of all the people who have lost their homes to devastating floods, hurricanes and fire and I realize how lucky I am to still possess the very essence of my life stacked safely away in a 10 by 20 with not an inch to spare for even the tiniest of Tiffany boxes.

We have all lost something in this economy, but we shouldn't lose our hope that eventually everything does get better. It may take longer than expected, but we can't let that bring us down.

I am plugging away at my newest endeavor, Burlap Bikini-Eco friendly swimwear and cover ups made from recycled materials and remnants that would otherwise be discarded, sort of like a blonde that lives at home.

Hopefully something will come of it but if not, I no longer sweat the small stuff and neither should you. Meanwhile I have margaritas and the hope that my cats will be able to work a sewing machine when the orders start coming in.

Blondes don't lose sight of the big picture!!

6.12.2009

I Lost My Letter

I dropped my laptop and the C button went flying off into some unknown direction so I am having a hard time dealing with one of my alphabets on the loose.

How am I supposed to type numerous 'c' words, if I have to carefully hit some freaky nub without its grill?!

The Blonde will be back as soon as she finds that little 'c' !!

6.03.2009

Bad Timing



Now I should know better than to drink a 10 oz carafe of saki and then mosey on over to a comedy club on a Tuesday. I am fairly certain if you are playing a gig during the earlier part of the week, you can't possibly be any good and the fact that my mouth was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, not caring what anyone thinks if it decided to speak up in the middle of the show, it could have been a cocktail of heckling hell for the stage weary.

The MC was not funny

The first guy was even less funny

and

...the second guy, who was from Austin, was even less funny than the MC and the first guy, making him the head tool of the unfunny cadet club. And he had the audacity to get upset with me for cheering him on. All I said was.....

"Yeah!! Austin!!!

Woo hoo!!!

I am from Austin!!!

Yeah!!!!



Yah!!!




Woo!!!





Alright!!!




Yah!!

Apparently, the Austin comic wasn't a fan of 'Family Guy' and my impersanation of Peter Griffith wasn't funny to the less than fiunny gu. I think little ole me might have messed up his timing for the rest of his set. But in all fairness to the Blonde, if you get thrown because someone cheered for your hometown, you have more problems with your act than just timing. After that, I don;t recall the rest of his routine because I was too busy whispering loudly in Vaughn's ear about how bad the show was.

The third comedian was a chick with a gutter mouth. The only thing funny was the fact she hated Rachel Ray and she agreed with my yelp of Rachel being a 'glorified diner whore' who probably peddled more than just soup to get her own show.


It was all down hill


The comedians were sooooo bad that I wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut through any more and before it really got ugly with me entertaining myself with a few more vodka gimlets and a louder heckle job just to entertain myself ...we bailed.

I know it must take some real kahunas to get up on stage and try to juggle a routine that drops to the floor with a thud but comedy is one of those thangs that needs talent.

If ya ain't got it....cha ain't got it!

but Bless ya for trying.


Now get off the stage and get a real job!



The Blonde hates being bad!!

6.02.2009

I Heart Manhattan

...especially the garment district.

I was head to toe in fabrics at Moods for half a day looking for organic fabrics for my bikini line. I got so excited about all the other fabrics around that I forgot to even look for burlap and bamboo cloth.

Oh well...gives me a reason to go back!!

I love New York in the spring when the weather is this gorgeous, I am outside enjoying the day. After buying up as much fabric that will fit in my suitcase, Vaughn (my NY go to guy) and I had lunch at an outside eatery in Westside park and talked about all sorts of fabulous things including 'me'. Afterward, we had a quick walk back to his place for a glass of vino and relaxation on the patio of his super digs on the Upper West side.

Now, I am busy wondering what club to swing on into as I play around in the night life of this fabulous jungle.


It is getting a little bit harder to leave each time I come here. I think I wouldn't mind being shipwrecked on this tiny island they call Manhattan. If I ever want off, I can steal a yacht and head for Monte Carlo.



The Blonde loves seaside villages!!
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