6.30.2008

Boob Watching

My friend and I were eating at a local haunt on Friday and breast commentary broke out after he pointed out the boobs on one of the waitress were too large to be real.

Jesus (my nickname for anyone with long hair and a goatee) said that they looked out of proportion and it is how he determined they were not real. I looked at them and I couldn't tell if they were real or not. I did think they were a bit large but I don't think they looked that bad on her. I personally like the small ones that are shaped like a champagne glass. Jesus liked them a bit bigger.

The search for a set of perfect breasts was on.

I loved the waitress who took over our table once we moved inside the restaurant. Round and perky and just perfect for a guy to cup in his hand and do whatever.

Of course Jesus thought they were too small but he applauded them for being real. Again, size being the only determining factor of authenticity. He decided he like the ones tightly bound in a black knit v-neck halter at the next table.

Now that we both found our perfect set, it was time to move our conversation to the older men sitting at the bar hitting on the pretty young, not so innocent, just buy me a drink, things.


It's interesting to people watch and although I have to pay my own tab when I am with Jesus, he is really fun to hang with because we definitely are like two horribly self-centered pom-pom girls in the high school bathroom spreading the daily gossip about the teacher and the honor student.


Oh my Ga!

I wonder if Jesus is gay?!


Blondes wonder about men that make her pay?!

6.27.2008

What was I talking about?

What guy?

The guy who hurt your feelings.

When?

The other night.



Oh...that guy. What was his name?

What was his name?

Hhmmm....


Anyhoo

Did I tell how great sailing was. It was smoking!!

Whoooshhhh....


Screaming through the wind like a banshee on a thoroughbred. The wind was kicking, the stars were shining, the Mavericks were playing....

Mmmm, Mmmm, Mmmm

Didn't get off the lake until midnight.

I love the water more than air. I can't breathe without it. I can't wait until August for my surf trips.


Blondes only need a boat and Burt's Beach Shop!!

6.26.2008

I am sailing away...

Finally someone has taken pity on this poor soul and is taking me out on the agua!!

I need this especially after my feelings were hurt in a stupid move on my part and my boat is gone.
Have you ever been out with someone and you just knew something wasn't right but you just kept ignoring it?


I was so careful, especially after New York Luva. I knew Luva was still in love with his ex-wife and he had not moved on. He just wanted a girlfriend he could hide on the side why he remained the doting Father and husband, although he was an Ex.

The moment that sealed the deal for me was when he mentioned she was sporting a new hair doo and all women know what that is in girl body speak:

'Moved On!!'

'Ova You!'


The minute I explained that to him, he was off to Connecticut like a jack rabbit being chased by a coyote. And for ignoring this red flag, I ended up stuck in New York alone and penniless for two whole days.

That trip now has me sporting an Amex and Visa, with a much larger limit, for emergency purposes.

Never leave home without them.

It also left me with some advice. The lawyer, I tooledf around the big Apple with for the day after my untimely departure from Luva's flat, simply said:

If you look for the wrong things, you end up over-looking character flaws.

Strike me with lightening bugs and stick to me like gum to my rubber boot!!


It is now my new mantra on men!

These days I am extra careful to look for what is real, what will stand the test of time, what will make for a great foundation to a future relationship.

But I slipped and stumbled and fell over my mantra, this one time.

I got caught with my love flaps(don't think dirty--geeez)down on one guy because I ignored the super duper red flags of all Big Daddy dating red flags to be waived on a first date.

Talking about an ex who isn't quite out of the picture!!

Toro!!!

Run!!!!

Run, Forest, Run!!

Like a Bull I should have speared that red flag out of his hand with my girlie horns
and hang it on my rear view mirror as a souvenir.

Never to look back.

But Noooo!!

I looked back several times.

I kept seeing a big flashy pretty boat!!


They don't call it Blonde for always being smart!!


Its my fault.

I saw something I wanted.

I was going to have it.

Even if I wasn't what he wanted.


Dumb Blonde!!


It just made me feel bad about myself because I knew!!

I'm not always dumb!!

Its not that I am not pretty, or not smart, or not funny, or not charming, or not sexy. I am just not HER. And when your not her, in the man eyes: You aren't as pretty as HER, or as funny as HER, or as sexy as HER and you never will be.

Things like this can wear on your self-esteem and that is why it is so important to be smart and walk away. Because if you don't, you end up feeling bad about yourself when there isn't any reason to feel bad, especially when their are so many men that will think you are HER!!

So tonight, I am going out sailing with someone who thinks I am the funniest, the prettiest, the cutest damn thing he has ever seen and that makes me feel good about me.

And it makes me feel really great about him.



Being Blonde is Blonde but being blind is dumb!!!

6.25.2008

Stop pic-ing me!!

Cowboy is the type of guy that only thinks of Cowboy.

Cowboy looks in the mirror and sees a crown, a castle, and a kingdom.

Its not really, but don't tell him.

and all Cowboy thinks he has to do to be charming is get his very old stretch steed and take you to a very country ball.

One catch...

The steed only leaves from the stable. A Princess would have to drive herself to the castle of the S.O.B. or she would be S.O.L.


More fairyland protocol listed below...

Never bother the King with a lunch date.

Never ask the King to drive

Never ask the King to take you somewhere

Never ask the King the tiniest of request

Anyone who is applying for the position of Princess will have the following quality


Must be able to sit quietly until told to come(no pun intended--he couldn't make a fly come!!)

After the fairy tale ending, please note, you will be expected to clean up after the ego. The King enjoys spamming tons of pics of ladies in waiting. Personally, I would keep waiting, until something better came along, if I were him, but I understand the King is lonely and Skanks come quickly when called.


Now, the King does not like to be ignored so his behavior will escalate to ridiculous disregard for decency and kindness to the point of your silence being broken and you have to ask...


King?

Do you know Loco?



Blondes banished themselves forever!!!

You can't buy the ring!!


...without the matching watch...(a 1/10 bid)

Bad blonde!!

Bad, Bad Blonde!!

Move away slowly from the window!!

OK, OK!! I'm going!!



Blondes hate to behave!!

Window Shopping


Sucks!!

Ok, so when I say things like, I think diamond rings are a waste of money, it totally does not include icy baby blue aquamarines up for grabs on bidz.com!!


Look how sparkly!!

Oooooohhh!!!

Must resist!!

Yes, Master!!!

Precious!!

Precious!!!



Blonde must have ring!!

6.24.2008

I have come to relish my Monday nights

My own little world before the Tuesday of white walls and white noise that slowly eat at my soul, again.

On the porch toward the vista, Baby and I talk about real issues; ask real questions.

Like:

How many dried boogies are in the carpet of the used car you just bought?

Or

Why asparagus has to commingle with urine causing an odor in morning pee that will take the hair off a billie goat?

Or

Why do people download farm animal ring tones?

Or

Why Ann Coulter is aloud to speak in public without medication or for that matter why Lush Limbaugh is aloud to speak in public on his ‘medication’?

Or

Why are Americans so fascinated with a 2 ft. dong that got dumped on mainstream news like Bill O’Reilly?

We really should learn to flush before looking.

They aren’t sphincters.

There merely the extraction of waste the sphincter spits out when its usefulness has been used up.

Where is the proverbial enema that Americans need to purge their system of hidden agendas and smear tactics to influence the vote.

They want the country in the stupid. They want the country to be confused. They know its easier to manipulate the general masses. They learned this through our ‘good friend’ the Chinese.

When you pretty much own the monopoly on media you start to think you can persuade the country to see things your way and when they are tired, hungry and poor, they will listen to any old turd with a tongue you put on television.

Murdike

Murcock

Murdick

Murdoch.

Whatever!!

The Statue of Liberty doesn’t mean something to an Australian media mogul.

It doesn’t really matter…

What matters is, as Americans, do we still believe in what she stands for?.



Blondes would like to believe that a lady stands strong!!

6.23.2008

I don't care how big it is...


The Blonde ain't sitting on it!!

The Only time you will ever see me curse!!



7 words you can't say on television
shit
piss
fuck
cunt
cocksucker
motherfucker
and tits

Goodbye, George!!


Blondes love men that make her laugh!!!

Mirror, mirror on the Wall

whose the richest and foulest of all?

Why the New Yorker of course!!

New York men!!

Can we say, desperate!!

They try to dangle non-existent trips and upstate weekends all in an attempt to get you in bed with them. Funny thing is they need to prey on younger, far more stupider girls with low self esteem and a propensity to sell themselves short, to achieve their goal.

Unlike this Blonde!!


Take the 'Troll'. Listed only in the society papers of the NYT for being married to a certain lawyer, whose family helped out a certain President, during a certain scandal.

The poor gent was ridiculed by the writers, for being unattractive. I felt bad and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Incredible charm can actually make a guy look better.

Let's just say, NYT gossip blog called it correctly.

Euro-Trash is Euro-Trash no matter how pretty the WASP wife is!
and a Troll is a Troll, no matter how much money he has!

Unfortunately for the little beast, I did not come from poor and so I am hardly impressed with a man that lacks common decency and has a vulgar mouth that is attached to a head that looks like Fred Flintstone with blackheads.

I do not like being mean on my blog. I prefer funny but when pudgy fingered fools email that they would like you to sit on a certain part of their anatomy...I feel compelled to be a biatch!!

I am a southern woman, I expect a man to hold his tongue until such time as I deem necessary for a really great orgasm.

I also think, a man that is less than attractive needs a lot more going for him than the average Joe and if you lack charm; Money talks to the girls in Dallas...check them out. They will dig past the look, drink enough wine to blur your mug, and do you for the bottom basement price of a trip to Cannes.

I think phone sex is stupid.

I think email sex is idiotic.

And I think any man that speaks dirty to you without even knowing you is despicable and punishable by social death!!



Blondes don't find anything funny at the moment!!

6.19.2008

Too many Boys on the Brain


...so this Betty is plucking tickets from Southwest like no ones biz. For $160 round trip (14 days adv) I can scoop up some surf with my board on a few weekends in July and August. I can stay in some dive motel in Seal Beach and just chill...

Alone!!

My soul needs a little R&R, away from the dating rituals and I have been chomping at the bit to get out of town anyway.

...and since I still can't get the purchasing department to acquisition a hippity hop!! I need another fun form of entertaining my buttocks back to booty.



Blondes can buy themselves!!

Moving on...

It just takes one look. One really cute guy to check out your profile and all is well.

I must say the ex-boyfriends are coming out of the wood work lately. I guess they are lonely and looking for some companionship or they are looking for something, something and they need to keep looking further.

If I broke up with you, there is a reason and I just don't think booty calls are very flattering. In fact, they are bit insulting. I don't get the concept.

Its the 'I don't want you but you can do me.'

Gross!!

Doesn't anyone have better regard for themselves anymore. Booty calls, f--k buddies.

Gross!
Gross!
Gross!

Just thinking about it makes me want to shower.

I am holding out for the big L.

Ex's should stay Ex's and remain in the past. No one changes their spots. We are who we are and its the right combination of two people that makes something work or not work.

I am too good a person and I definitely have way too much self respect for myself to have meaningless sex.

So thank you Ex's for your generous offers but I think home girl is just going to sit poolside until something genuine comes around.


Blondes get high on themselves!!

6.18.2008

Ouch!!

I think I just felt a jealousy pang!!

Or is it that little feeling in the back of your throat when you know your headed to the front of the friends list.

Boy karma knows how to show up at my house and slam me against the wall.

Shocker!!

I was just questioning how my blog might effect new relationships if the gent decides to continue reading my muse...

Bam!!


An email thwacked in my throat!!

Ouch!!

I don't want to know!!

Don't be honest with me!!

Lie!
Lie!
Lie!

If a girl tells you she can handle it if your seeing other people.

SHES LYING!!

We know it, we just don't want to KNOW it!!

Cover your ears and apparently eyes...

LA
LA
LA
LA
LA

Blondes like to think they are the only ones!!

Solstice Moon Tonight





...and I am in the mood to be under it!!


Blondes love big, big Moons!!!

No Plan B

I am old school when it comes to certain aspects of dating someone new. For instance, if I called or emailed last, I wait for them to pick up the phone or email next time. This way you save face if someone doesn't dig you, Also, I am a bit timid up front with feelings, don't want to get hurt and all. Who does? So I am not one to coax a guy into liking me. Unfortunately, there are some really great shy guys that the other girls get because they put it out there up front. I always wait to give it all when I am secure in knowing the other dolls have been taken off the shelf.

I am not very good at knowing the rules beyond the ones I make up.

Its a Blonde thing!!

Dumb Blonde!!

Anyhoo...

This blog can actually be a hindrance to my love life. I try not to jinx myself writing about new dudes just in case they are paying attention but its an integral (don't be tripin' on the big word) part of my blog. I will brag about them a bit but for the most part I try not to give up the play by play.

I said I try!!

My brilliant plan to persuade guys to find me through this blog on Match can actually be one of the biggest Blonde moments yet.

Don't get me wrong, I think the plan worked fabulously considering the Day 9 count:

1010 views
50 emails
47 winks


and two or three (you never know if the phone call the night before is going to be the last call and I don't like counting handbags until their in my room) really great guys that were sincere enough to actually read instead of just checking out a photo.

And they are all little hotties!!


Of course,You can see where someone who never met me might not think the bird shiat story is very flattering. Or a dude may not think its cool to read about other dudes, or the over use of dudes in this blog.

It might be a deal breaker.

Unfortunately, I can't be a writer for the tele and film industry if this blog gets edited to deal with love. So I might actually fall flat on my face and have only my readers to keep me company so I wanted to thank you guys for being here with me. Reading me, leaving comments and emails.

Life isn't as fun a roller coaster without someone sitting in the front seat with ya!!

Blondes may not always get the love that they want but they can always find the love that they need!!

Peace y'all!!!

6.17.2008

Blonde Joke

So the Blonde is sitting in gynecologist's office.

Gyno comes, looks at chart,

"Your pregnant!!"

Blonde says

"Its not mine!!"



Its bad and Im bored.

Someone save the Blonde!!

I can’t win the lottery

But somehow, I can find my way in direct line of fire with a bird's arse just as its about to shiat.

Plunk!!

I have been crapped on by birds all my life. Technically its been four times in my life but how many times has a bird poo-ed on vouz?

I understand in Italy it’s a good luck sign but I am not in Italy!!
I'm in the US of A. Its just an audobanical butt bomb without the accent.


You try to be cool in your rag top at a red light looking all hip. Cute guy pulls up to you.

Your cool, you glance!

He’s cool. He glances!

Its all cool.

Plunk!!

Dammit!!

Last time, I was in San Antone the night after hanging with Collective Soul at Dirty’s on the River Walk.

Thinking, Im cool!

Plunk!!


The time before that I was hanging at San Luis in Galveston. On holiday!! Looking fine after a day at the spa. Parading around the pool in my new bikini.


Plunk!!

Is it my hair? Do I send some super beacon of light that sends some gamma signal to these feathery beasts that stirs up their bowels and drop a bird butt loogy on me?


Plunk!!

Plunk, Plunk!!!!

Is God sending me a signal from the heavens to watch my ego? Keep me in check somehow or does he just get a kick picking on the Blonde when she is feeling pretty darn smug of herself?


Plunk!!

Plunk!!

Geeez, JeeeZusssss!!



Blondes can doo without…seriously!!.

6.16.2008

Mr. Murphy

and I are going to have to talk about his little law, especially when it comes to working on the CEO's computer!!

You would think that when I neatly package and transfer files from one pc to another that it would include the contact portion of Outlook.

You would think that because I was able to accomplish this on all the other four new pc's, that I could perform this task for the boss right before salary review time.

Nope!!

Mr Murphy, and his infinite wisdom, put his little judiciary move on me without provocation!

Damn you Murphy!!



Those sneaky bastards at Microsoft put a size limitation on my pst files. It was turned into an ansi instead of Unicode. Blah, blah, blah...

Biatch!!



I can see why people want Mac!!


Mmmmm.....

Big Mac...I am starving but I will never eat at my cherished childhood haunts again. I saw the movie 'Super Size Me'. It super sucked for me. I really didn't need to see the splattered puke on the ground. The up heaving was plenty to deter me from gobbling up a double quarter pounder with cheese ever again.

BESIDES,

I wouldn't eat fast food around bikini season anyway and the fact that my office refuses to acquisition a hippity hop or gym membership for me, I am forced to skip any notions of eating AT LUNCH!!

How am I supposed to maintain a round arse when its getting smooshed flat by sitting in this chair for more than 6 hours a day? And chivering all day because the air conditioner is too low does not count as burning calories!!

What's the point of buying a cute little office dress if I have to hide it under a bulky eskimo sweater just to stay warm.

I think we should change our offices to a retreat on the lake where real work can get done.
Sign contracts only after the margarita machine gets going!

File papers before gassing up the boat?

Send the email to the blackberry when wake boarding!

and for Gah sakes...someone get Veronica a hippity hop!!



Blondes need fresh air and exercise to stay well rounded!!

Words of Extreme Wisdom!!

A penny saved

Is a penny



The Blonde will be back soon!!

6.13.2008

Bimbo or Secret Bust

I understand the handsomely challenged have a slight disadvantage compared to those better looking gents on the market today, so its understandable they are going to pony up a few fantasy images of their life to impress a young lady.

I am currently being pursued by a super secret agent, laying low undercover as a short, fat, bald liquor store owner who has a private residence at the Four Seasons, a Leer jet at his disposal, and 84 acres of lake frontage, with a boat.

Oh, did I mention, his wife died 8 years ago and he has a Nanny, and a personal physician on call for his daughter.

If you have sooo much money, why are you working the counter at your liquor store?

Hhmmm

Oh, that's right..super secret agent!!

Undercover!!


Mums the word.

I promise.



What girl wouldn't want to dive right in after being pursued by such wealth and intrigue, throw her clothes off, turn out the lights, cover the shades, put a paper bag over her head after consuming a quart of liquor and get up all in the rich dudes fugly face.


Its a dream come true for many girls!!


Except Blondes


We don't do Mini-Me's!!


You know what the number one problem for secret agents who share their identity with a Blonde, that has the curiosity of a one-eyed caterpillar and a lot of time to kill at work, is?

We find out your real identity, yank you off the ride at Fantasyland, cuz you lied your way in and then...

Put you on a bus back to Neveragainland suburbia!!





Blonde doesn't mean Bimbo!!

6.12.2008

Ying for Yang

Steak and potato chomping Republicans can now have their green cake and eat it too!!

GMC has come out with a Yukon hybrid that shadows over hummus and tabouli packing liberals Prius's like an eclipse gone wild. The new toddler on the block, wearing his new big boy panties with leak protection, will beat the tiny Toyota tot on the playground with an extra hundred dollars in gas savings.

I love big things(accept my dress size), always have and always will. Cars are no exception to the rule. If I had my way I would be tooling around town in a '53 Mercury gas guzzling rag-top every day. Its nice to know I, being one who swings both ways politically, can buy a hybrid in my size!!

But I can't help but think is the Yukon like having a boyfriend on steroids?

All gusto but no go!!

Sure he look big and fabulous on the outside but do I really want something that drives for a really, really long time with no thrust and sounds like a hummingbird?!


Can being green be manly enough one day for a Bubba and a Blonde?


Blondes dig anything with eco-bravado!!

6.11.2008

No Pussy Allowed

Keeping cats off your furniture and your fresh laundry is like asking the pope to keep priests off the pulpit boys.

I have always found a water pistol my best friend when it came to teaching my babies that claws on Mummy’s new Italian leather sofa was a big No-No and could end up in having their fur and tails stripped from their bodies as punishment for such a crime.

Of course threats don't work with cats because they don't care what you want. They care what they want!

Now having joined ranks with a cool group of rag top owners a new problem has emerged. Miss Sophie and her 18 pounds of Twinkie defying acrobats has put a cat butt divot in my convertible top; and this we absolutely can not have!!

For Gah sakes she is puckering the top in. I think I have to kill her. I can’t give her away no one will have her. She eats the equivalent of three times her morbidly obese kitty cat poundage in canned food and she isn’t picky to her plate. She will eat as fast as she can and than move over to the other cat’s plates. Unleash her in an all you can eat buffet and she would bankrupt the eatery.

I thought keeping the top soaked with water would deter my little trailer park beauty feline queen…nope…I walk out to see a mash of white and pink fur all over my freshly washed top.

Seeing as I can’t be there to squirt her with my water pistol every time she warps my world, I have decided to take her to the spa and have her fur waxed off, tail chopped, and stomach sucked in to solve the problem. I don’t know, maybe to really teach her its not nice to ruin Mummy’s things, I will get her lips injected and put her in a beauty pageant in Beaumont.


I think she might actually have a chance of winning.


Blondes think beauty pageants are a crime!!

Falling for my Boss

It has been an incredible week of blondeness and I was hoping it was over but unfortunately we still have until Friday.

We had an investors meeting this morning and I was sitting at my desk which is opposite the glass windows of the conference room. We have maybe one or two meetings a month and rarely this many people, but its a new project.

Anyhoo,

Being that I was bored at work and super surfed the internet highway all week, I changed my mouse to the left side of my desk to use the other hand, just because. The cable was stretched from top left of the desk to lower right attached to the pc tower. I was kicking my feet under the desk as I was moping around Myspace for new music and didn't realize the mouse cable had wrapped itself around the heel of my shoe.

Needless to say, I tried to get up for coffee and I tripped...


In slow motion!


My arms spread with eagle like wings trying to catch my balance.
My leg up in the air shaking violently to get the cord out from the heel...


Boom!!

Right

in

front

of

everyone!!

I, not so elegantly picked myself up, shook my head, dusted my pants, and before I could stop my mouth from connecting to my brain, I yelped.


"Fu--k!!"


I am fairly certain we had a room full of lip readers because when I finally did make eye contact with a few of them, there jaws had dropped half way down their big round bellies and they looked away quicker than a rabbit being chased by a snake.

C'est La Via!!



Blondes hate falling for ugly rich dudes!!

Two Bits

makes a mean casserole?

She doesn't look old enough to be in the kitchen alone. I am speaking of the girl with the flower in her hair when you sign in at Match.com. She can't possibly be older than 14. Who are they advertising to, pedophiles? Of course after seeing some of those that winked at me....

Hhmmmmm

Another thing, I am sure I am not the only one who has noticed the ads for match.com as you log on to your Myspace account. Who are they supposedly looking at? It's too stupid.
Its guys sitting in front of there computer...

looking in the webcam

not talking


not typing


not doing anything but grinning and moving their stupid head around being stupid.

GEEZ!!

A retarded goat could come up with better advertising.


I must give Match.com credit for one thing. Making their ads as creepy as most of the peeps on their site is pure genius. Really lets you know who is out there...can you have one with a wedding ring and maybe a wife cooking eggs in the background of the ad. Or how about showing them scratching their leg underneath the home arrest device on their ankle.



My Match score card to date:


Non-membership profile up for 1 week

521 views I can't see

34 emails that I can't retrieve


27 winks with only 5 were cute


and one guy I like.


Match does open doors, I will give them that, you just have to be careful which one you walk through. I heard it said somewhere that dating is just breaking up until you find the right one. I kind of like that statement.

Besides what other option do you have? Its not like your frenemies are writing your phone number with a sharpie on the mens bathroom walls anymore.

Its a new world with new ways to find love!!




Blondes are happy with her odds!!

6.10.2008

Body Parts

I needed a part for my Jaguar. After 6 auto part stores telling me the piece would have to be special ordered, I was getting very frustrated because I needed the part now. The guy at the sixth store asked me, "Does the Jaguar dealership not have one in stock?"

"Huh?!"

"The Jaguar dealership sells parts?!!"



So I tucked my blonde tail in between my legs and went to the dealership.

Hhmmmm


Now I wonder where can I get my hands on SAAB parts.



Blonde really need to work on thought process!!

Big Toys

...go hand in hand with big boys!!

Range Rovers are cool but a gigantic Excursion with a lift kit is sooo much cooler!!

I like Range Rovers...I know lots of non-descript boringly successful people who drive them. I have actually been on a date with some of them.

All I can shout out is...

THERE IS NOTHING BETTER than a really fun guy who is confident enough with himself that he not only doesn't feel it necessary to follow the status quo but he can roll over them like they were pebbles in the street!!

I like being in a truck that can squash a Hummer like it was a bug on a windshield!!

I can't imagine anything more fun than pulling up to the front of Jeffreys and having to hop out in my little Bebe dress and heels making a grand entrance with this beast.



Getting on this thing and riding it...


Mmmmm, Mmmmm, Mmmmm


and the truck rides just as well!!


Anyhoo,



Blondies like great big dates!!

6.09.2008

Minke or Mammals?


Its between the Minke whales and the Nova Scotia mammals!!

Seeing as I can't join the U.S. Coast Guard and the Swedes at Greenpeace won't let me on their ship, I have decided to help out the Kanuks. They need volunteers to watch the effects of global warming on the mammals. A week or two of observation with a bit of monetary contribution and I get to leave my blonde spec on this planet knowing I did a little something, something to help better this place for future generations.



I want to show Mama Earth some love before I am buried beneath her dirt.


Don't you?!



Check out www.volunteerabroad.com


Blondes love where they live!!

Blonde Moment 397

I have a problem with night blindness. It happens around dusk, things just look different to me.

Take for instance last night around 7 at the lake.

I was leaving the marina and on the shoreline are all these ducks and one crazy large bullfrog. It was the same size as the ducks!!

I probably was a 100ft away from the ducks and the gigantic frog.

I stare at it. I stare again to get a good look at it.

The frog moves!

It's not a Frog!! Its a giant lizard.

I squint

I see its a large lizard!!


With a fish in its mouth!

I start pointing at it and telling people to look at the large lizard with the fish in its mouth.

Everyone is looking

No one can see the enormous Iguana with the fish!!

I point

I scream, "Its next to the other ducks!"

The crowd can't see it!

I point again

"There, right there!!"

Then all of the sudden...

the iguana moves

UH

OHhhhhh


Its not a frog

Its not a lizard

and its definitely not a giant iguuana with a fish in its mouth



It was a duck butt!!

Yep!!

The butt of a duck!!

I wish I could blame my hallucination on some mind altering pill but unfortunately its just a blonde brain and night vision problems that thought the ass of a duck was the head of a lizard.

...and I had to share this moment to everyone like I was a 5 year old at the zoo pointing at a cage and telling everyone to look. Only when a grown girl points to an elephant and says look at the donkey, its not as cute.




Blondes can be really blind!!

6.06.2008

Blinded by Blonde Moment Bus Tour 2008

First stop on the blonde's bus tour:

I forgot the cat was in the house until I woke up to the sounds of a heaving feline upchucking all over my duvet.


Next stop on Blondie's bus:


I was excited to wear my new dress from Paris but after looking for 20 minutes in my closet, I remembered I left it in the hall bath to be steamed. I found it this morning crumpled up and washed with my bath towls.

It is now a paris frock


Our final stop on the blinded by blonde bus tour...

I walked out of the house this morning and I look over at my pretty little convertible in the rain


...with the top down.


Good times...


Good times...

Blondes love special moments like these!!

6.05.2008

Grand Poobah of Wine Daddys

I made a blonde booboo last night by popping into my favorite wine boutique.


OOPS: Blonde memory: at this very instance I just realized I left my wine at the store. Make mental note to pick it up after work...tomorrow...when my brain fog dissipates.

Anyhoo!


I usually go to my most favored liquor store in Davenport on Thursday but its salary review time and I needed a little something, something after work to settle the fact I might have to look for another payway due to my salary demandage being probably more than what the company is willing to swallow, which blows because I really like the peeps I work with.

But the Blonde needs to think of herself and her wardrobe.

Anyhoo!!


The Grand sommelier as they say in wine country was very talkative today and instead of his usual suggestions he popped open a little German number that was totally delish.

Mmm, Mmmm, Mmmm

Uh Oh!!

Here, here try this

Cork comes off

Try this

Uh Oh

Ohhh, Mmmmm

Try this

Cork comes off

Try this

Uh Oh

Oh, this is good

Mmmm, Mmmm, Mmmmm

Uh Oh


UH

OHHHH


NOOOOO


Needless to say, todays blog is short because I am barely able to sit straight in my chair without grunting because its too hard, coffee just rushes the wine that is still in my blood to my head, I really want the comfort of super-sized Micky D's and...

My hair hurts!


Blondes should not hangover the edge!!

6.02.2008

Blonde Moment 311

Besides wearing the pair of Armani shorts with the dangling string adorning the back as I sat down to use the little girls seat?!

Oh yes!

I played with Eharmony and Chemistry's profile thing.

How many times can a Blonde fall for dating sites?!

More than she cares to admit but what can I say?

I am a hopeless Romantic.


Now, the site is sending me messages to join. Dangling matches in front of me like a pair of 2 carat diamond stud earrings. I am sure they are hoping that one of these profiles might send a sparkle to my eye and in a Pavlovian like response send my hand into the Fendi to whip out the Louis to retrieve the plastic card that in times of a bullish market gives me a small orgasmic shiver whenever I swipe it through the card reader.

But!

I am in an economic down turn and love will just have to find me for free for now!


Chemistry and E don't match very well and they don't let you see photos before joining! That's like having too many drinks and waking up next to a face your afraid to look at because you forgot what you brought home.


Why would anyone need 6 months of dating if their scientific method of matchmaking is proven so effective? I have no doubt, that the company that provides Chemistry's and Eharmony's stamp of approval is the very same one that certifies the power of every new weight loss pill on the market.

The cost for one month is $60(high compared to Match) or you can join the extended plan, $23 a month but billed one time for 6 months, blah, blah, blah. In a time of money crunch, I feel the dating sites might be hitting a soft future not to mention many of their clients. Highlights and Viagra are yesterdays luxury along with finding love.


I just assume buy a bottle of wine, play with myself, and deposit my savings into another penny stock company.



You know the economy is bad when a Blonde can't buy love!!
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