3.28.2008

Magazines 'harm male body image'

I found this article on BBC.com. I can't imagine anyone being influenced by bodies from a magazine.


Magazines 'harm male body image'


Younger men who read so-called "lads mags" could be psychologically harmed by the images of perfect male physiques they contain, research suggests.

Dr Giles said: "The message in typical lads' magazines is that you need to develop a muscular physique in order to attract a quality mate.

"Readers internalise this message, which creates anxieties about their actual bodies and leads to increasingly desperate attempts to modify them."

Blah, Blah, Blah



What is this world coming to?!

Men wanting to look like the models in magazines?!


Thank Gah women are immune to such superficiality!!!


Thump!!

Thump!

Is my sarcasm microphone working!!!

Testing!!

testing, 1, 2, 3!!



Blondes would never fall prey to false advertising!!

Wonder Lips

Poofy Lips are the new in thanks to Angelina and Brad. Everyone wants them and I am no exception.

I have seen bad lip work done, and quite frankly if you like kissing farm animals, aka. duck lips, than you should be fabulously happy knowing there is an endless supply.

I on the other hand opted for Bridget Bardot style lip ( if your not into french actresses than more like Tracy Lords--you do know Tracy?) and thus decided to have the fat extracted from my bum to have injected underneath the lip line for that sexy poof.

While the swelling was still in play I looked more like Kim Bassinger's character on the Simpsons but now I am all Bridget...ok, ok...more like Cameron Diaz but whatever.


My favorite part about my new pucker is knowing that everytime a man kisses me on the lips, he is actually kissing my ass...


Blondes love their ass kissed!!!

3.26.2008

The unSophisticat!!

My dear little Sophie cat if you consider the size of a dog house little for a cat.


My little trailer trash titty twitty cat. Its not her fault she didn't get to go onto kitty porn stardom and now eats twinkies and 3 cans of 9 lives a day to hide the pain.

Poor darling can't get around her belly to save her life. She has a bum that she should clean on her own but unfortunately Miss Sophie hasn't seen said private part since her infamous days as the star of 'Pussy will Oh, Oh Oh!!'.


She knows its there and occasionally she tries to find it. She digs her claws in deep into the carpet and tries to inch her head way past the rolls of fat and fur from her neck to her belly to achieve her goal of pure cat clean but alas her poundage is cruel and only rolls to the side to tease Miss Sophie and than it jiggles back in place. The sheer force of the weight dislodges her dug in claw and she is thrown back in a sea lion like spread only to cover up her faux pas by licking the air a few times.


Will someone stop the spectacle and go get a handy wipe for the feline fatastrophe!!


Blondes hate to see a Diva have to beg!!

Old Band Aids

Yes..that's right...old band aids.

Do you keep?

No you don't. Why?! besides being totally gross. Duh!!

Because you don't need them to remind you of every little boob-boo you got growing up.


The big ones leave scars and you remember from these scars not to do certain stupid things again..like oh say..ride the handle bar of your sisters bike going 30 miles an hour down a gravely hill.


or making your sister play Oscar the Grouch in the trash can. Its all fun and games until the can tips over and someone's head gets cracked over a rock.

I loved Oscar!!


You can't open old wounds that have healed unless you dig deep enough, but than isn't that just creating a new one?!!

Didn't your Mom ever tell you not to pick at the scab...makes me cringe just to write that word..yuk!!

Uh Hello, I'm a blonde in case you haven't been paying attention...sometimes I trip up...its part of my nature..but at least I pick myself up, dust myself off, and learn not ride handle bars down the hill...well at least not the same hill!!

So don't go asking me to dig up old wounds. I am blonde..I don't have any!!


Blondes don't go deeper than the root!!

3.25.2008

I don't want to eat crow!!



OK...so my idiot friend who only thinks of himself and not the plight of all humanity has decided to go on a business trip to N.C. and cannot fly to Austin to return the sweater!!

Which means I will have to go back into that store to return the sweater and let them exchange it for clothes found online!!

I hate that!!

I hate store credit because it is downright extortion. It's legalized money bullying....making me buy something I don't want to buy!!

It is clearly fortunate for these money mongers that I found something I like on their online store and can exchange the sweater. Although they are forcing me to buy a matching beach bag with the extra credit left and I have to pay for shipping.


Considering everything I have recently been through...I just don't feel like taking on the world this week...


I will take the crow sauteed with wilted spinach, please....


Blondes hate having to swallow their pride!!

3.24.2008

Desperate Deisel

I was given a gift from Diesel. It was a sweater, nothing fabulous and decided I wanted to return it.
Going into the store you can feel the desperation when they see my bag.

"OH No..not a return." thought the caddy gay sales clerk.

"Let's bug the crap out of you until we find something to replace that sweater..shall we?!" said the cute anorexic salesgirl.

No thank you..I will just look on my own

"No, No we want to bother you" says anorexic salesgirl

"We really don't want to take your return" says caddy gay sales clerk

I got that thank you but really if I wanted retro 80's graffiti clothes I would have held onto mine

"So how about looking through the catalog" other shadow of a girl salesperson

No thank you, just the money please.

"Well we can't give it to you. I will have to get the super smug manager." says anorexic salesgirl

Excuse me!

"No we have to give you a store credit because we want to make this difficult and painful for you" says super smug manager.

Well than I will call my friend and he can give you his card over the phone..that will work.

Speechless..and they are thinking..and they are thinking..."uh, uh...well we need the physical card." says little lying super smug manager.


Wow. that's pulling it from the bottom of the desperation bag. Fine..I will just fedex the sweater to my friend so he can return it in Houston.


BTW..your clothes suck this season!!

Go home

Check Diesel online for Houston store

Damn..no store in Houston

Fine..new Plan!!




Ring,

Ring,

voice mail...

Hi darling..hate for you to go out of your way but its the principal of the matter. I need you to fly here by Friday to return a sweater.



Blondes always find a way to stand on principal!!

3.23.2008

Islamic Flu

I have the Flu!!

My gorgeous 3 day weekend and I have the influenza virus moving around my body like sludge in an ice machine.

I always focus on the culprit whom gave me their dirty germs... not that I am ever going to hunt them down like the disease infested animal that they are and put the rest of the world in a 20 ft. radius of their germ spray at ease knowing they will not fall pray to the germ harboring phleeb. Its more so I can send evil thoughts to them while I am in bed with nothing better to do.

My phleep was this Muslim woman on the plane behind me. You think with all that extra fabric her abaya allows to cover her face... she could have used it over her mouth while coughing to protect the rest of the plane from her virus catapulting through the air vents of the plane.



Blondes don't like how sick the world is getting!!!

3.21.2008

Another Blonde Moment

I am at airport security check with my back-pack. I have my laptop, Diva, it has a big 'D' sticker on the top of it, and several notebooks. Everything is neatly stacked.

I put all my things in the cubbies:

Shoes

jacket

lay my backpack down carefully

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Oops..

"Whose bag is this?"

Its mine

"Mam, you can't have stuff on top the laptop."

But its only a sticker!




Blondes need to think first before speak!!

3.20.2008

Blonde Moment 183

I needed to return some clothes to the Deisel store. I decided to return the items to the store down by the university in hopes of finding a chill replacement for my return.
I found parking

Ooops!!

I turned to steep

Pull forward

park again

Damn!!

Turned to hard again

Pull forward

Crap..I am wedged in

Now i can't move the car

OOps..bump

OOps...bump

OK...now I am in

at a slight angle

Drivers honk

QWhat?! I ask

You can't loop around?1



Hhmmm

Where is the store?

I could swear it was here

Maybe I am wrong

I will walk in the other direction

Nope

Maybe I missed it

i will walk down the other direction again

Nope

Maybe I should ask someone

I don't feel like asking

its a pretty day

I will turn around and just double check

I walk again in the other direction...again

Nope

I will ask

What?!

It moved to the Domain

Hhmmmmmm



That is where I bought this!




Blonde.................

3.19.2008

Cankle Sore

My ankle is still swollen to the size of my calf. I look like I inherited my Grandmother's cankles based on this leg.

I have been buying up Chukka rubber boots to wear while I heal....pun intended!!

The story:

I went to Victoria Secret to buy all new underwear for my trip to Aspen. I knew it would be cold and I wanted just cotton panties and bras.

I bought the collegiate collection with the little patches and i went for the boy shorts because quite frankly I am not a fan of the thong unless absolutely necessary and under thick winter clothes--

Things are not unnecessary

Anyhoo

I get home and I do what every other adult girl would do..I try them on, pour a glass of wuine, turn up the jams and dance on my bed in front of the mirror like a rock star!


CRASH!!


CRACK!!


UH OH!!


I fell off the bed and cracked my ankle on the edge of the suitcase I was packing for my ski trip...pun intended!!

Fortunately, snowboarding uses boots that are more like casts and I was able to use the bunny slope for my fun.



Blondes should use a pole to dance!!

Phone Ex--Change

It is that time of season again where too many ex-boyfriends are calling and I am tired of ignoring them.

It takes a lot of effort to look at caller ID and hit the ignore button!

On top of that, I have to delete the messages quickly hitting the lucky #7 button in time not to hear their voice.

UGHHH...the stress!!!

Don't call me....I will call you.... is a good rule of thumb for those who do not receive a return call somewhere in the 24 hour 'normal rate of return' zone during the week and 36 hour if its a weekend and we didn't have plans, which we wouldn't because I am no longer talking to you.

Does my actions not speak clearly: not answering the phone calls or returning the phone calls--does any of this not ring a bell?!!


I would leave a message saying I have moved on but you will use that as an excuse to call....again!!!





Blondes need a spa day without a mani!!

Business?!

I don't recall talking business?!


It is charming to sneak off and call a girl while at a function. Unfortunately, it quickly loses mometnum and flattery when you have to tell someone at the party that the girl you are on the phone with is business??!!


mmh...mmmh...mhhh,,,


Didn't a Governor get in trouble that way?!




Call me when your really free!!



Blonde girls don't engage in that kind of business!!

3.18.2008

BTW

What the heck are those little mini hammer and screwdriver thing at the bottom of my blog.



Get off my blog!!!




Blondes don't know how to use tools!!!

Midnight Moves

Did you know steam dances?

Neither did I until I occupied a room, heated through water baseboards, in Aspen.



At night when all was sleeping

not even a mouse was peeping

the water began to dance!!

tap

tap

tap....tap....tap...

tap, tap, tap, tap, tap

tap

tap



tap


Turn off the heat so you can sleep.

It would seem the most simple thing to do.

Alas, turning off the heat
would not stop the dancing of the steam.

tap

tap

tap, tap, tap, tap, tap

tap
tap


My dear readers, for it was not our heat dancing in the night.

Twas the room above us!!

tap!


tap!


tap!


Blondes don't like dancing through their beauty sleep!!

3.17.2008

Panic, Panic, Panic

...is a good thing...at least for me...and let's face..I am all I care about.

It is now much easier for me to invest my money. While stocks are plummeting...I can scoop them up like a fine set of pearls I found at the flea market.

Its like putting that fabulously expensive designer dress that I have to have on law-away. I can't wait till the pay-day comes and I can pick it up and go out in style again.

One person's loss is another persons gain, someone said once.

and when the gain is in my favor...

all the better!!




Blondes never panic!!

Entertaining Idea

Leave it to me to find a sale on breast augmentation.

You heard me...a SALE!!!

I you sign up before march 31st you can have both breasts implanted for the price of one!!


All sales final

No return policy

What is my size?!


Blondes shouldn't impulse purchase!!

3.16.2008

More than Snowboard Lessons

Aspen has taught me not to skimp on plastic surgery!!

It has taught me to continue using my sunscreen!!

Sun damage is not attractive on anyone--male or female!!

Bad lip injections are just bad!!

At a certain age you need to stop with the faux tan!!


...and this is just from sitting at the Nell...



Blondes don't want to look like a cartoon!!

3.11.2008

Only a Blonde

Would be so excited about her trip to Apsen for her very first snowboard lesson that she would dance like a whirling dervish on the edge of her bed and fall, breaking her ankle less than 12 hours away from Aspen time!!


Need I say more?!


The blonde is an idiot!!

Aspenlutely

I'm ... I'm ...leaving!!!

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside my door


But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn


'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again



...for Aspen and I am sure I won't let the door hit my arse on the way out of Texas!!


I am going to bring home some souvenirs..so girls let me know what color you like...black, brunette, blonde or red!!!!


The Blonde will be shopping!!

3.10.2008

I am still Saabing

I must recant. My Mother is not trying to kill me this week.


I am, however, still trying to diagnose my mysterious illness

I think its a combination of:


Car sickness-from looking at the new interior and playing with all the new buttons.

Wind whipped-I have kept the top down the entire time.

Allergies- everything in the air that hit me in the face while driving.



Basically, I have to get used to the rag-top.




Blondes don't like being dizzy!!

3.07.2008

Killer Kraut

Don't tell my Mother your ill or you will find yourself being killed with kindness.

German homeopathic meds come in two forms..alcohol or candy.

Licorice candy in a medicinal looking container good for respiratory ailments. I have yet to witness its benefits.

There is a medicine she gives me for stomach ailments which is basically absynth or grappa that she soaks into a sugar cube. Even with the sugar cube it still tastes like rubbing alcohol


If your illness is a little more serious, she finds her way into the more than a dozen old prescription bottles that she never finished. I think they date back to 1999.

Which brings me to her killing spree...

It wasn't the mexican food that poisoned me..it was my Mother, again!

Only this time no tea!!

She gave me outdated medicine in the middle of the night to help me fight off an infection I got from traveling leaving me with symptoms mimicking the flu.


I have since recovered but still leary of Mom...



Blondes don't need enemies when they have family!!

3.06.2008

Poisonous Thoughts

There is no way I am pregnant so...

I must have food poisoning or maybe my Mom is trying to kill me with her tea again.

Anytime I have a stomach ailment, I think I am pregnant, (happens a lot in November when allergy season hits me the worst) even if I haven't been with anyone for a really long time and/or dozens of crimson tides have rolled on by.

I just feels like I have morning sickness. Why can't I think I have the flu..maybe I am not so scared of the flu..that's why!!

Hhmmmm....

There must be a medical term for the condition I have; it has to be listed in some psychology journal of medicine and if not it should be. It is kind of a unique mental ailment, if you ask me.


Anyhoo,

I have felt horrible for days and days and I am pretty sure the culprit was the mexican food at Maudies..they always suck but at least they are consistent.

Come to think of it, I did drink my Mother's tea!!

I think its a mild case of botulism, in which case knowing that botox is made from it makes me think I will end up killing two birds with one stone:

fighting wrinkles from the inside out

and losing weight


Needless to say, I have even found something good in being poisoned!



The blonde likes finding needles in hay stacks!

Pouting over Pony




I am thoroughly disgusted with myself that I want these pony-haired boots.

I want them to go with my crocodile coat that I just bought.

Now I feel bad for the crocodile.

and what about the cow? I have tons of leather from cows!!

Oh my Gah...am I growing a conscience?


Lets see:


If I had the money for the boots..would I buy them?

Yes! but I would feel bad really bad about it.


Oh, my Gah! I think I am growing one of those conscience things.


Nah...it must be the flu.



Blondes try to be subjective !!

When life is the Pits

Make cherries....DUH!!!


I didn't get my cam

My new car is in the shop

and I have food poisoning!!



but if you look at it in a blonde light...



I will get a better camera later and the extra money bought me new clothes now!

The car notified me of repairs needed before the 30 day warranty expired!

and I lost a bunch of weight this week without even trying!


Blondes find the good in everything!!

3.05.2008

True Art speaks to Me

Tacky Women

lets start with me!!!

I rarely use curse words, rarely call people bad names even in a heated argument I always try to resolve the dispute without getting mean or ugly but sometimes I can't contain myself...

...and yesterday was one of those times. It was a beautiful day and I had the top down. I was minding my own business and when traffic came to a halt, I was fine because I was enjoying my new car.

I tried to merge into the next lane so I can turn into a short cut in the neighborhood and I politely put my blinker on and waived a please my hand to the women in the Lexus. She looked at me and sped up just as a went to merge. She did this twice to me....

Oh my Gah..what A biatch!!!

The young man behind me lets me in and I proceed to the shoulder to turn but not before something took a hold of my better manners and my hand gave the woman the bird.

Meanwhile, the same dude started tagging my arse...He pulls up next to me in a violent manner and says..

"What's your problem..that's my Mom"

"Oh Know...I'm sorry..I didn't realize her spawned minion was behind me. Please do tell your Mother I apologize she is a rude and self-centered biatch!!"

He jerks his SUV in front of me and sped off

Was it something I said?!!

Hhmmm...


Now I have only been forced on maybe 3 or 4 other occasions to use the symbol of 'peace, not' before in my life and each time I feel a bit tacky for doing it but sometimes....


just sometimes...



They deserve it!!!



Blondes like to express their concerns!!

3.04.2008

Dam the Cam

I went to pick up my prosumer camcorder and the thing had been pieced out like a stolen Chevy suburban chopped at the border!!!

I decided to take it for less than I originally offered to pay but after sitting here looking at it, I realize I am upset and don't want it anymore. I can't find an original lens which will hurt my resale value and after further examination, I realize more things were taken from the bag.

Let's look at the bright side.....

I have decided I prefer a Sony DCR-VX2100 instead so it sort of works out in my favor to return it plus its a beautiful day so I don't mind having to go back now that I can drop the top on my car!!


Blondes get upset but we recover quickly!!

Amber Alert

My internet fiance disappeared!!


I keep emailing him but to no regard.


FINE!!

I am breaking off the virtual engagement!!




So let me see...

I tell everyone I am moving to New York and no one remains?

FINE!!

It's all fine and dandy for me because I know two things:


1. There is more where they came from


2. Everyone is replaceable

FINE!!

To my shock..even I can be replaced; not by better but by something.




Blondes really will always be FINE!!

3.03.2008

Don Suan


I guess it is mating season or maybe the girl swan is preggers..

We made the mistake of driving the ski boat in between the boy swan and his steady chick.

He got aggressive and I think size matters because his neck puffed up to twice the size and then boom!! He comes at our boat and MY head of which I duck.

Of course being a blonde I turned the boat around to get a picture

Camera On

sit on the ski hump

camera and I are ready

taunt the swan to come to you

swan comes at you

Oh Sh--, Oh Sh--

The boat!! The Boat!!

Get us out of Here!!

Oh my Gah..did you see that..did you..he almost killed us!!!

Damn...Go back..I missed the shot!!

...and were taunting...and were taunting...

Boom!!


Blondes really shoudln't play duck, duck goose with a swan!!!

3.01.2008

It's my party

and you can't cry if you want to.


Big boys don't cry...



Come on you guys..I am losing all my best friends.



What is wrong with me just adoring you?





Blondes hate the break up scene!!
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