1.31.2008

Hi Baby!!

Hey Baby!


Hey Baby!


Hey Baby!



Fate is a funny thing!!

You can tempt it once and it will put its foot down.
It has a way of telling you exactly where you should be.

Tempt it twice and it might just lead you off into the wrong direction.

I am not foolish enough to attempt anything twice. I hope I get it right the first time.

Like knowing the difference about what you want and what will make you happy.

I ask myself two thing:


If he lost everything...would I still be by his side?

Hmmmmm..... no!! Duh, I can be poor on my own!!


Veritas..Baby..Veritas...



The second question is:


Does he think I'm the bomb?!

and when I know the answer is absolutely, unequivocally yes...
I know I have just as much worth as the man
and that makes us equally valuable to each other.



Blondes are truly worth loving!!

1.30.2008

Boobies!!!

I am puffy this week..

and I love it because it means my boobs are bigger.

I love holding them feeling the heftiness of them.

Next week they will be gone. Bummer.

If you happen to see my holding them and looking at them, and squeezing them to make cleavage. Don't judge me!! I am getting in touch with my masculine side.

I can see why men love them so much. They are kind of like a stress release ball.


Squeeze and play with them for awhile and you forget your at work!



Maybe I should get a pair to play with all the time?!!


Hmmm...



Blondes love squishy things!!

Blonde begets Blonde

If you wonder where my Blonde comes from..its hereditary on my Mother's side.

Just the other night I let her read the blog about the popsicles.
My Mother was completely oblivious to the sexual undertones.




"Cherry popsicle? What does a man know? Cherry is too acidic. How silly!"

"Right? Grape is better don't you think Mother?"

"Oh darling, yes grape is good but whipped cream would be even better. More soothing."

"Your right Mother, whip cream would be better."




Why didn't I think of that?!!



Blonde Mothers have great wisdom!!

1.29.2008

Burn the Bad Ones!!

My Mother and I were talking in the kitchen the other day about my weekend happenings with the emphasis on my fashion choices.

I have designer clothes from New York, Milan and Paris, etc...and of course most of it is sexy and daring especially my thigh high boots that I love. I wish I could afford those Chanel thigh highs but at $1750, alas my bank account has fallen short these days...

Anyhoo:

My style floats in all the fore mentioned cities, like a sailboat does on crystal blue water but not in this town. We are a big town that likes to think we are a small city but were not--were a big town and like a town anything out of the norm scares the dickens out of the kin folk.

I am used to the stares, the whispers, the whatever makes them feel better about themselves conversations..it doesn't bother me. I like who I am and I really don't need the affirmations of strangers to fill me self-esteem gravy boat. I certainly wont lose sleep over the ones that really don't like me either--after all, its their issue not mine.

Even my Mom will get a dig in once in awhile. I am still not clear if she means it or if at her age she fails to see the use of fashion as a mark, or perhaps her European sense of adventure is diminishing in wake of a more americanized conservative tradition

WOW..that almost made me sound like a brunette.


Where was I?! Oh, yes...the nasty remark


"Well, Mother, I was wearing an Ungaro coat..I think they thought I was famous"

"Maybe they thought you were an expensive hooker"

"AAAHHHGHGG!"

"Mother, what happened?!"

"I burned myself"

"Hmm..must be Jesus getting you back for saying mean things to me! "

"Better watch out Mother, I surrendered, I have the original Godfather looking out for me!!"



I think I am getting this religion thing down. Its like having your own personal bodyguard--maybe that's why they call him the savior.?!


Who can we burn next?!!!



Blondes love having a bodyguard!!

The Grape Savior!

Allergy pills don't just dry out your nose
they dry out other parts that weren't meant to be dry

Good news....My eyes don't itch anymore!!
The bad news...something else does. Ladies, you know.

I'm on the phone with my friend and while he tells me his disgusting tales of his boogie clots in his nose, I further the ante on the grossness level by talking about yeast infections.
We are thoroughly disgusted with each other but laughing hysterically and both being artists our creative juices (pardon the pun) begin to flow.

I said it would be a challenge to write a story that makes a yeast infection sexy and my friend who was sucking on a Popsicle said yes it would.

"God a Popsicle would feel so good on it right now."

"I wonder what flavor would work best"

my friend " I think cherry"

"No, grape, definitely grape."

Seriously, how would cherry be better than grape?

Grape it is...

AHHHH

OHHH...yes!!!

AAAAHHHHHAAHHH!!!!






OUCHHHHHHHHHH

Freezer Burn!!!!
Freezer Burn!!!!!!

Blondes should never talk to a guy about popsicles!!

1.28.2008

Holy Jesus!!

I let a guy read the bible to me!!

I didn't touch the bible for fear it would set aflame!!

We also held hands and said a prayer,

My thoughts at the moment of my surrender or would it more appropriate to say ambush?


"Take my hands"

"Where?"

"Now pray with, me"

"Can I have a glass of wine first?"

"His is the size of a moose"

"I wonder if this prayer really works"

" I guess I should stop thinking about his penis"

"Can I get in trouble for praying and thinking about sex at the same time?!"

"How is Christ going to save me while I'm thinking about the moose?!"


"AMEN"

"Uhmmm..Amen...I surrender to the almighty Moose!!!


Consequently after my prayer...that evening.... I used a certain lotion that burned a certain somethin, somethin...AGAIN!!!!

God has a way of burning the non-believer.


Blondes have VIP status at all the hot nightclubs in hell!!

This week's Craigslist Loser

Sarkozy had a paramour, so why not me ? -m4w - 35


Reply to: pers-538755606@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-14, 12:23PM EST


If you know what that refers to w/o googling it, we're off to a good start, b/c presumably you're aware of what's going on elsewhere in the world. It's fine to google, by the way.)

Paramour = someone compelling and attractive for discreet, extracurricular shenanigans

Time marches on while we are mired traffic and domestic responsibilties, slowly stagnating mentally and sexually (many of us, anyway). Acceptable but not an ideal scenario, so those that are a bit more restless and open-minded philosophically should reply to kick off what could be a most interesting and fruitful conversation. It would be best if you were young or spry enough to be nubile, lithe, or trim but mature enough to be emotionally confident, wise to some extent, and not particularly giggly (intelligent humor is perfectly acceptable and recommended, however.) Pubs, museums, your place, and dark corners are some potential locales for the innapropriate libidinous fun to follow and the sweaty sexual escapades surely to ensue. I have no plans to run for public office or change the official standing at home, so your mischievous nature, political views, and carnal preferences are safe w/ me.

... and please don't make me articulate the discretion and your d/d free status,

1.25.2008

Life is still a Ball Y'all

Your table is ready! Follow me...
We follow and I am doing my strut through the restaurant.

We eat
We talk

peeps join us

Peeps point out that the Lead Singer of Janes Addiction is sitting next to us along with Sony big wigs

Who's Janes Addiction?

You know Carmen Electra's ex-hubbies band

OH

anyhoo

Dinner's over
Time to do my strut out

As we are walking out there is this table of women..I think five of them..not one of them smiling and just giving me and my date a look like I killed their bunny rabbit.

I can't help it, I had to say something..

I didn't stop but I did.... casually slow down so I could throw out a little advice

"Scowling isn't sexy ladies... Maybe that's why y'all are sittin alone tonight!!"

Poor girls


Blondes can't help but want to help!!

Life is a Ball Y'all!!

I'm tall...and pretty...and I can walk a room like no one's business so of course people are going to look and focus on me and if I happen to be on a date with an older guy..they focus on him too!!

Boy do they focus!

There was an older couple sitting at the bar when we walked in..the woman kept tapping her husband's arm and him being a man tried to do his best of being non-obvious..I'm thinking it didn't matter because she worse than he was at it...

They kept looking and finally my date and I proceeded to the other end of the bar but not before I leaned into the couple and said...

"You know contrary to popular belief, I'm not paid for....I work for free!!"

They just had a ball gossiping about us and I had a ball that I reached infamous status...even if it was just for the evening...

The blonde never turns a fan away!!

1.24.2008

Millionaire Mate!!!

Yes my blog has a financial tone this week, probably do to my ever so concern over the recession and state of..blah...blah...blah...

Where was I? OH yes!! Idiots!!

I was having fun with CL for my poser exposer blog which I have since dismantled because of boredom. You run into one idiot, you run into them all...and they seem to congregate in CL..Hhmmmm!!

Where was I? Oh Yes...Idiots!!

I wrote:

absolutely the funniest personal on craigslist..I'm LOL...seriously..great stuff....

I would love to have some of the replies for my blog..could you forward some of the idiotic responses to me..I would love it for my blog..

Thanks Via

The generated response back:
Hi

Thank you for your interest in my Cl ad. Right now, I am at work and I
promise to properly respond to your email when I get back.

Obviously, because of who I am, I must keep everything very discreet
so the stock holders of my company stay happy.

If you want, you can take a look at my profile / pictures at
http://www.freeqdi.com/recommends/Michael

My user name is mpregini

Let me know your user name so I can look you up and contact you.

This website is geared towards millionaires and keeps my privacy very
secured which is why I use them.
I even had to prove my financial status before being able to join.

I am not promoting this website it is pretty much a buffer between the
crazy people of the world (which I am sure you're not) and myself.

Just let me know your user name and we'll go from there.

I apologize that I have to do it this way but I met a crazy woman off
CL just the other day and
it is easier for me to use the website as a buffer.

My reply back:

your kidding, right? this has to be a joke? you need to be discreet and don't use CL but you do use CL to promote the millionaire poser site....LOL

good luck with your site

I get same auto response from him

and than a month later I get a personal note:

Sorry to disappoint Via


I am real

and than the auto response is sent to me again..



Idiots amuse the blonde!!

Promises, Promises, Promises

If your going to tell me you saw a mink coat at the store and you had a fantasy about me wearing it...you better buy it!!

What is it with men dangling pretty little things, and not your penis, in front of me and than never giving it to me.

Its called being a tease and blondes don't like a tease anymore than a man does.


Its like window shopping..its not shopping if you aren't buying. I don't go into a store that I cannot afford and look at all the pretty things I can't have. Why would I do that? It would just make me feel bad that I can't have them. I don't go around putting dollar bills in the pocket of fur coats or inside handbags while wearing it around the store and than get mad because the coat and handbag can't come home with me!!

I just assume play imaginary millionaire with my Vogue. Sort of like what men do with their playboy magazine.

If its the thought that counts, don't tell the blonde!!!

1.23.2008

I was thinking...

I know, I know...a blonde thinking? What's next, putting someone on the moon.

Where was I?

What was I thinking?

Damn, I forgot..

the blonde will get back to you!!!

1.21.2008

Stupid Football

The Giants vs. the Patriots

YUcK!!!

The Blonde doesn't care who wins!!

1.17.2008

I'm not Romantic

I tried once to make a romantic picnic.....once!!

It took me all day to find the perfect blanket.

Then it took more days to find matching picnic accessories

then I had to go to the grocery store

than I hunted for tiki torches

than my outfit...

drive to small park by the lake

romantic means I get sex

Ask people if I can have park to myself

wait for people to leave park

park is clear

start setting the mood

its hot

the grass is spiky

Mosquitoes

Is that spider

picnic table is icky

go to store

buy a tent

come back

its really hot

the grass is spiky

is that a huge spider?

freaking mosquitoes

get the food out

drink all the sangria

light the stupid tiki torches

cook the stupid food

get in the stupid tent

kiss the stupid boyfriend

hot
sticky
sweaty

eeewww ...on my pretty new picnic blanket

clean up stupid picnic stuff

go home

Romance to a blonde is room service at the Four Seasons...!!

1.16.2008

I'm sorry I don't do Geriatric!!

I get this call from some woman that was from dating network said I was recommended to her by someone and would I be interested in dating this great guy, retired, wants to spoil,blah, blah, blah....but...

Yeah...I already knew there would be a but...I didn't know it would be a geriatric butt...

and here is the BIG, BIG but...
"He's a little older"

"Ok..50 maybe? 60?"

No my fans...he was 75 freakin years old..retired IBMer..can you gross me out any more than that..pictures of my Dad flashed before my eyes..

and Im rinsing my eyes!!
nope.
still seeing Dad...
rinse and repeat,
rinse and repeat!!


Who on God's green earth, my age, besides Anna Nicole Smith would date a 75 year old man...OH..yes the "Girls Next Door"

Are you seeing the pattern?!!
They are all bottled blondes!!!

She continues:
When he travels its only in condos..
yeah right..you mean time shares!!

he water skiis?!!
yeah right, you mean rides a pontoon boat!!

he wants to spoil someone?
you mean he is spoiled

He wants to get married!!
how many great grandkids in the will?


Holy Cow, lady..I know your desperate but I'm NOT...who said I was?! Did someone say I was desperate?!

Well, why don't you think about it?
Um..yeah thought over....
Excuse me?
I mean I don't think its for me and could you please remove my Gold Digger status button on your list!!

I will call my friends to see if they have any Grandmothers that need a date!!

There is a difference between bottled and Blonde!!

I am gonna be a Supa Star!!!

in the greeting card arena...Hey!! I'm still getting published and considering I have only been at this writing thing for about 6 months..

I am definitely on schedule to being famous or infamous..
doesn't really matter as long as I get paid.

so I am thinking about a line of 'dump' cards...
I thought I would start with:

MY BAD
I SLEPT WITH YOUR
BOYFRIEND

SORRY ABOUT
YOUR BREAK UP


OR


YOUR THE
ONLY ONE



THAT DIDN'T SEE
IT COMING

SORRY ABOUT THE BREAKUP


I wonder if there is an award ceremony for card writers??! hhhmmm...

anyhoo...

gotta run...my email boyfriend and I are getting engaged and I have to shop for a jpeg ring

Blondes are funny...yes, we are!!




1.15.2008

I Got My Sexy Back!

Well.... I am trying to get it back.... and keep it on through the allergy season. I need to get away from here for a short holiday so I can feel like my fabulous self again.

My skin is sensitive and I don't want to wear thongs anymore. I can't stand pantie lines but the thought of lace wedging up my little crack is just not appealing to me right now. My skin is sensitive and it wants cottony softness right now.

Ode to the little cotton pantie

bikini style
soft and white
not too clingy
just right

you don't rub me
the wrong way
and don't crawl up my bum
and try to stay

your not as pretty
as my other lace
but you have style
and a subtle grace
pretty things
only get you so far
its the comfort you give
that makes the pantie you are

Blondes prefer substance over looks any day.....but its seasonal!!

1.14.2008

Cedar Fever Blues!!

Everybody likes to think the blonde is always on her game, when it concerns looks, duh...
even the blonde.

Everybody thinks the blonde is out gallivanting around the weekend like it was her own personal holiday, even the blonde.


Everybody thinks the blonde is the life of the party and always center of attention, even the blonde!!

but not this weekend
OH No..Cedar Fever is here
and its not a pretty picture that I am about to paint, so if you must look away...please do..

Let's start with Saturday morning at 7 a.m. and the blonde is up...why?
Because she can't stand IT (cedar fever) anymore!!
Scratch your eyes out
run fingers through kitty slobbered matted hair
take the tissue that you stuck up your nostrils to stop the leak while you sleep
wipe the crust that forms from dried up hydrocortisone cream off you eyes

pop your pills
squirt your nose
trip over the snot rags on the floor
get into the shower
sting your eyes with soap..
get water up your nose..almost drown
towel off
rub eyes really, really hard with towel

go back to bed!!

Get up
Watch the Packers play an awesome game
pop more pills
clear the floor of snot rags
it slathers the lotion on its eyes

go back to bed!!


look at phone
return no phone calls
pop more pills
rub eyeballs out of your head

go back to bed!!

Blondes don't always have more fun!!

Crack Cat's Fetish

In keeping with last week's theme of fetishes. I thought I would share Crack Cat's fetish with you...

Crack Cat has this obsession with my hair. On the rare occasion he decides to stay in, usually when its very, very cold outside and all his crack cat peeps are in shelters, he sleeps in my room.

He waits until I fall asleep and than he slowly crawls up to my neck and stretches out his arms to grab a big chunk of my hair. Then he starts sniffing my hair. Not too long after that he is purring quietly, eyes half massed, and his tongue dangling out.

I wouldn't mind so much that he loves my hair but in his excitement he starts slobbering in my hair, he starts doing this kneeding action with his paws causing his little crack claws to dig into my head.

"Ouch..Crack Cat!"

he stops
I fall asleep
I wake up

"Ouch...knock it off..Crack Cat!!"

I adjust the pillow
dangle a little of my hair for him
I fall asleep
I wake up
he is sucking the ends of my hair..loudly

purring
sucking
kneeding

"CRACK CAT!!!"

startled, he jumps off the bed
I fall asleep
I wake up

Crack Cat nestled himself into my back and fell asleep
I fall asleep

we are finally asleep...

Blondes can't sacrifice their beauty sleep for a fetish!

1.11.2008

I am not Worthy

I am a bad, bad submissive.

Actually, I am not at all, but I played one last week on the internet. I thought I actually did very well considering I know nothing about the SMDM orDMSM..or whatever the acronym is for that particular lifestyle.

Personally I don't get how you hurt someone with a paper clip..unless you unfold it and poke them to the point of annoyance and they slap the crap out of you.

What does it matter how many tools you can come up with to hurt nipples. It isn't that hard, I did it by accident in a blonde rationalization that you will remove more dead skin off your body using a scrubbie instead of a loofah..

Nipples are very, very sensitive...

anyhoo...

I have a new social experiment blog:

Creeps, Freaks and Conversations:
The sex life of Craigslist
http://craigslistcreeps.blogspot.com

I just find these people absolutely fascinating..never in my blonde bubble could I ever think this dirty!

Blondes never judge but we do wonder "What the heck are some people thinking?"!!


1.10.2008

Murderous Mum

My Mother tried to kill me last night...

I was nice enough to go over there to help them take out the Christmas tree even though I have told them a thousand times, "I am severely allergic to dead and drying out trees."
My face and eyes burns and I cannot breathe...

..but I go..I help
I vacuum...I can't breathe

Mother burns 40 year old perfume to hide smell of tree

I have a reaction to the perfume

I really can't breathe and Im feeling sick

Mother finds and makes me organic tea

I had a reaction to the tea

The organic tea had no label..she did not know what kind it was.

I am on the floor at this time still not breathing..

My Father, "What did you give her?"

Mother, "Tea!"

Father, "Show me the tea!"

Mother, "I can't find it"

Me gasping, " She hid it so the cops won't find it. She... is trying to kill me"

Father,"Find the bag"

Me still gasping, "It so k Dad..they can do an autopsy find the poison in my system...
...When I'm DEAD!"

Why is my Mother laughing...she IS trying to kill me?

I finally drag myself to the little room and lie down and rest..I am feeling better
Mother comes in, "How are you feeling?

"I will be fine Mother", barely breathing again.


Mother, "Can I make you some tea?"



Blondes need to watch blonde Mothers carefully!!

1.09.2008

Freak of the the Entire Craigslist Universe

ANR/ABR...Weekdays/Days...Discrete...


Reply to: pers-533387285@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-09, 9:34AM CST


Seeking a ANR/ABR with a local DFW area Woman...
Attached/Single and wanting a Relationship...
Maybe wanting to Induce Lactation and needing a partner...
Pre/Post Delivery and breastfeeding, and needing a Suckler for Pleasure...

I'm Available weekdays/days to chat/meet/suckle...
Open to Age, Race, Marital Status, Breast Size.
Must be D/D Free as I am.

I'm Very Orally Tallented...
Love to Please/Pleasure a Woman Alot!

Lets Chat and see what happens...





1.08.2008

Does Snot have Calories

no...seriously..does it?... and don't get grossed out..I can't imagine snot being worse than come, or is it cum? They kind of remind me of the same thing and I don't like swallowing either one.

I know its bad...but you have to think if you live in a high allergy city like Austin, some drip is inevitable, sort of like that of a blow job..inevitably something is gonna end up going down your throat. ....Ick....

I know studies have come up with a caloric count in a teaspoon of men's ejaculation...by the way it is 7 calories. Who needs to know this stuff?!!

Who is studying this stuff?

and more importantly...

am I gonna get fat from having allergies?!

Its a legitimate question for a blonde!!

1.07.2008

A Working Girl?!

I was enjoying my football game at a nearby pub, alone..yes alone. I am in Texas, you can't find anyone to enjoy a Redskin game with you unless they are playing the Cowboys.

Anyhoo,

My gentleman friend..who is quite a bit older decided to come sit with me for a beer before his almost ex-girlfriend came back from whatever small town in Texas she was in.

While he went to make a phone call, some older gentleman stopped by to sit at the empty table. They seemed unsure and so I said I didn't bite..which technically could be confused as an opening line to flirting but more importantly it was more of a way to tell them politely to sit the heck down so I could watch my game.

after much dileberating..too much if you ask me..its just a table..

They sat down..thank God!!
My friend came back, thank God!!
Skins up by one, Thank God!!

The guy kept looking at my friend and than he leans into me and asks,
"Are you a working girl?"

What the F.....!!!

I was stunned, mortified, shocked and of course I spoke out against this outrage....

"NO! I am NOT!!"


"But I do accept gifts."

Blondes should demand an apology not accept gifts!

1.03.2008

Silk Stockings...

...are an absolute must if you are to wear garters. I know this because I made the mistake of wearing non-silk stockings with a stretch lace garter today. I could not keep the garter from stretching down around the middle of my bum requiring frequent visits behind closed elevator doors and bathroom stalls, and my shoes kept slipping off every 5 or 6 steps because the slickness of the polyester grossness of the stocking. Thank God this building doesn't have surveillance in every corridor. I must looked like some lunatic who ducks into corners to get off on some kind of bad foot and stocking fetish.

Synthetic materials are made of melted plastic and thus slick and non-breathable and for certain very important areas of the body--it is crucial our fabric breaths. Its also very, very important that fabrics not cause embarrassing spastic episodes in the stair well of the office complex!!

I don't know why I thought I could get away with buying lingerie from Frederic's of Hollywood and turn it into more than just novelty underwear...


Blondes shouldn't bargain shop!!

1.02.2008

Weekly Craigslist Creepiness!!

PLASTIC SURGERY ANYONE ? - 50


Reply to: pers-525494180@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-01, 9:56PM CST


WAS YOUR NEW YEAS RESOLUTION TO GET SOMETHING FOR YOU? BOOBS? LIPS? BUTT? WHAT IS YOUR PLEASURE ? I AM DECICATED TO HELP YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED. SEND A PIC




Craigslist Weekly Winner 2008

Short Term Celibate Psycho Needs Affection
Reply to: pers-526121555@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-02, 1:35PM CST


Or would that be affliction?

No matter. For the short time we will not be intimate, it really
won't make a difference. I just need you to take my money
and not listen to me.

Last Blonde Moment of 2007

Dialing the wrong number
On my way to one guys house I called the other to wish him a Happy New Year and to tell him that I will be spending the evening with my parents. He said i it sounded like I was in the car..

"oh, well, umm....I'm on my way to get hairspray."

I was actually on my way to meet another guy.
I don't want to hurt anyones feelings and so I lied.

Oh, sue me...like you haven't told fibs to spare feelings?



I decide to call guy #2 and play a litle joke, telling him I couldn't make it for our New Years date, that plans had changed last minute and I was truly sorry. I thought it was quite funny and I waited for his response....

brief pause and...

"Via, this is Guy #1, you dialed me"

"oh" "Ummm...I was just calling...ummm.. a friend that invited me out to tell him that I'm going with my Mom and Dad tonight"

"Via, stop stumblin, its Ok"

"d#@$^%, SH%#$#@" I thought in my head. I am a blonde there is plenty of room.

"Ok..well Happy New Years...call you tomorrow"

Wouldn't be too bad if guy #1 wasn't the photographer that just took nudes of me!!

Blondes need to be more careful when dialing!!
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