11.30.2007

Bill the Cow

Bill the Cow never found a smile
difficult to make
Even when times were tough
and everyone hard to take

No acts of kindness
could make him fit in
It did not matter
how nice he had been

Because he was different
they refused to be kind
and to his good nature
they remained blind

Bill always understood
why they carried this thought
It was not hatred for him
only the way they were taught

He had no choice
but change their mind
it takes courage
but that's hard to find

Bill never gave up
no matter the pain
through his fight
equality he would gain

Bill the cow would say:

think what you teach
into tiny ears
for they grow up
and carry on those fears

you are my sister
and you my brother
we really arent that different
Please,lets love each other

You don't have to be blonde to be kind!! Peace y'all

I’m Feeling Fat

And I know squeezing into a size two pushing the size four category isn't going to get me much sympathy. It's the fact that I can't drop the five pounds in three days like I used too. I could blame age but I refuse to admit I am maturing physically. Because I know it's not mental. My Mom is a great teacher of staying young at heart. My Dad too...as a matter of fact...


The other night my Dad was telling me to tale Marcus to a movie, or go out, or do something. Couldn't figure out why until we came home a bit too early...dear God!!

We were locked out of the house, had to keep ringing the doorbell and finally my Dad comes to the door in a towel...

"Uh"
"Oh, my Gah...Dad?!!"
"Dad?!!"
"What.. you were supposed to be away!!"
"Eww..Were going away"

In the car:
Laughing hysterically...

"Yeah it's funny to you; you're separated by a generation, this is going to haunt me"
"No, if you want to be haunted, unlock the chest in their closet"
"Oh my God!!"
"Uh, NO!!"
"I am so grossed out, and you, you are tainted for life, you will need some kind of therapy?!! I know I do"

hysterical laughing
more hysterical laughing

" Do you think its safe to go home now?"
"no, give them more time"
"oh my God, gross"

more laughing

"We should be so lucky..that after more than 40 years of marriage..They still get their groove on"
"Shut up"
" O.K...shutting up...hot wings or BBQ?"
"Chinese"
"Good idea, it takes longer"

Blondes shouldn't knock on the door so long!

11.24.2007

Blonde Beauty Tip #8

When on a budget and can't afford lip injections but want plumpness for that one special affair..here is your tip.

First ice up your lip until its blue and you can feel nothing..than take a needle and prick your lip a couple of time just underneath the lip where scabbing can't be seen....it will swell and stay for at least two or three days depending on how deep you pricked.

For those who grow weak kneed at the site of blood...I suggest don't look in a mirror. be strong ladies for what is beauty without pain...feel good about yourself that you did not succumb to plastic surgery, you are a beauty warrior who lifts the head high as you head out plumped up and debt free.

If you can wax a bikini line you. you can do this.

Blondes have no boundaries when it comes to beauty!!

11.23.2007

Blonde moment 65

I locked myself in the car..yes in the car

do I need to go on..I finally got out but damn it

Blondes dont have it easy!!

11.21.2007

Ode to my Alcohol

The ENTIRE drink menu at Z Tejas

The Fish bowl at Hula Hut

The Pear Mojito at P F Changs

The Fruit infused Saki at Kenichi

The Pinot Noir at Jeffrey’s

The Dirty Martini at Cedar Door

The Vodka Gimlet at Four Seasons

I do adore the warm fuzzy

I get from you


Never do I drive

But ever do I stumble

over the greatness of you


Please Don't Drink and Drive this Holiday Season!!


Blondie rule of Prayer

There are so many disclaimers that come with praying.


You’re not supposed to ask for things;

Ask for what is right not what you want;

God works in mysterious ways;

Ask not what you Christ can do for you…


Blah, blah, blah…..


It’s like buying a shiny new Cadillac. I don’t know why I relate God and a caddy; I’m thinking it’s from growing up in the south and seeing all the preachers driving their Cadillac while asking the congregation to give more funds..

Why do you need more funds? Can’t you do God’s work in an Oldsmobile?


Anyhoo,

Here you have this new car with a warranty and the fine print and it’s not until you start seeing all the disclaimers that you think to yourself or at least I do, I should have bought the used Junker with the simple disclaimer:


AS IS

NO WARRANTY

WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET


I like simple terms and conditions that let me know if it breaks I’m responsible for fixing it. If I prayed to God to fix my car..I would never be able to get anywhere in life.

Blondes never are stranded on the side of the road long!!

11.15.2007

I'm Goin Cowboys!!

...not because I know anything about football. I know enough to act like I know and I have a trick to help me look like I know..whenever I hear a whistle I yell out flag..makes me look like I really know but alas I do not..I mean... I know what a flag is, I just never know why the flag is called.
I have been a Redskin fan all my life. I was born in D.C. and lived in Virginia most of my young life and so there... I'm a Redskin fan but lately I'm thinking I might go Cowboys for one big reason....A GUY....not just any guy but a bonafide gentleman guy who made me laugh when I was crying over getting old...
and while I will always love my Redskins and wish them well they never told me how beautiful I am, make me laugh, or make me feel better about myself when I am feeling down..I doubt the Cowboys will do that for me either but I know this guy will and I rather hang out with him on the Cowboy's side of the stadium than stand alone on the Redskin's side.


damn you Joe Gibbs...can't you do anything?!!

Blondes don't need to know football to be a fan!!

Update: Nov 28. 2007
After the fall of Redskin Taylor...I cannot leave my team at this time plus I really don't like the Cowboys and this guy has since dwindled from my light

Crack Cat

My cat finally came home this morning after having yet another bender.He does this sometimes..slips off the kitty wagon and heads downtown to hang out in the back alleys with his crack cat friends and feline ho's.In the morning he is always at the door-- never says anything, got more dirt on him than a welcome mat in the Louisiana swamps--slinks over the food bowl, eats his food before crashing for the day on the side of the house.

To punish him...I locked him in my room with VH1 playing on the tele...that'll teach em!!


Blondes don't put up with kitty crap!

Should All Breasts have Equality?!

Its not that I dislike feminists...I just don't like them...Here is their argument of which I only posted the beginning...but do you need more?

"It's a question of equality. I think it's a problem that women are sexualized in this way. If women are forced to wear a top, shouldn't men also have to?"Outraged by what they regarded as discrimination, a group of women in southern Sweden made a show of solidarity by establishing the Bara Bröst network. (The name translates both as 'Bare Breasts' and 'Just Breasts'

I don't mind topless woman on the beach as long as the breasts are pretty...but do I really want to see Grandma swinging her double D droopies in the wind as she frolics in the sand. I say Ney!!Equality for women..they want to liberate breasts? Guys don't have to so why should we? That is your argument?!! Of course they are swedish......

and you wonder where blondes come from!

Don’t Burn the ex BoyFriend Bridge

...They might just come in handy..
like say after a string of bad dates. They can offer constructive criticism--it makes them feel better about themselves-- while taking me shopping--making me feel better about myself--
a couple of rules..
He can't have a new girlfriend
He has to be the one to offer
Don't take advantage of his kindness..go for the Fendi perfume but not the Fendi purse..
Dinner and drinks and a kiss good night..
Do not get back together..
Return the favor if needed one day
Blondes shalt not date freaks...no mo'!!

Too much blonde not enough Time

Its a quick moment but none the less a blonde one...
A cold front moved into town while I was at lunch. When I came back I walked passed Shelly's office. She asked, "Is it chilly?"
and I said.."no your Shelly...duh"

Does every blonde hear this way?

This is A Museum Ma'am

Ma'am...You can't stand that close to the paintings.
Why? There are no ropes and I want to see the strokes they used to create the skin in the rennaisance paintings.
Ma'am, I am asking nice please do not stand so close to the paintings
Well, how far can I stand? That is too far and I don't see a line or a rope. I want to see it up close. I promise i won't even breathe while I am looking
Ma'am...I am not asking again. Please you can stand here...
Really, why can I stand there and not here..there are no lines or ropes...doesn't make sense. You agree with me right?
Ma'am, please work with me and stand here
I don't see the line that says I have to stand here..why don't you just let me stand here and you watch me...
Ma'am...alright you may look quickl;y at the painting from here.
I need to get a little closer..and my name is Via
Ma'am ,Miss Via..please, I am not asking again
Good, because its getting tiresome
What would happen if I touched it
Ma'am..Miss Via..please
altright, alright Pinkerton..I am off to the post modern sculptures..
Ma'aM...you can't stand so close to the sculptures
I give up...
Hey Pinkerton..let the blonde look!!

Blinde Blonde beauty tip #9

I decided to drink coconut milk as a natural diuretic. I wanted to be super skinny for the party this Saturday. I open the can of unsweetened thai coconut milk..At first I thought it looked wrong but thought maybe the chunks and the liquid just needed stirring. It didn't have strong smell or I just missed it but when i tried it...uckk..it was awful. I could barely choke it down but I thought...well, it is unsweetened..maybe the process of removing the sweetness and it was thai..well...ity tasted like foot..a dirty homeless persons footbut I kept trying to mix it in things to hide the flavor...afterall I have a party to go to and I want to be super thin....

I could bare it no more. It sat in my refridgerator until my Mother discovered it...she thought someone put caustic chemicals in my can of coconut milk...apparently it was that bad...and yes my Mother is a blond...why?back to story..I was drinking bad coconut milk...who knew things could go bad in a can...

Don't let a Blond stock the bomb shelter..

11.14.2007

Ladies, Stop Sleeping Around!!

Its not attractive and your turning otherwise decent men into sex ogres who think they can get the milk free from every cow.

The double standard is here for a good reason.Use it.

Feminism isn't being one of the boys..its about being a better woman to yourself.

What is with the mentality that you sleep with all these men and than your so tired of being used you refuse to sleep with the guy your really like until he marries you!!

Slut is not a color blondes wear well!!

What’s the problem? I have condom!!

The problem?!!
This is sort of the second part to the series. Considering this date made it to my top 10 worst dates in my history books..I felt it deserved a little extra attention.
I don't know, i thought i looked good. i had my Ralph lauren boots on, my Armani cotton black dress (size 2) and cute smile..
He saw me, immediately headed for waiter, ordered his scotch, refused to talk to me or look at me, focused on this older couple that was kissing his ass the whole night and continued to ignore me to the point I felt I was no longer needed for the conversation and proceeded to grab the attention of other men..Im glad they validated that I deserve attention...not that I need validation!!
Even after all this, I didn't want the baffoon in all his drunken wonderment killing someone with his car. I offered to see if I could get double beds instead of my king to accomadate him and for that I get this when he advanced toward me...
What's the problem? I have a condom!!
needless to say..the door was politely slammed in his face.
Blondes don't date dullards!!

11.11.2007

Couple Tunnel Syndrom

I was waiting for my date in the lobby bar of the hotel when a 50ish couple asked if they could sit near me. I looked around and so ample seating and therefore no reason to crowd me. I thought to myself..I don't do threesomes.
"Yes, you may". I was writing and they asked me why I was sitting at the bar alone on a friday...I still don't do threesomes!!
I told them I arrived in San Antonio early driving in from Austin and I was waiting for my date to arrive. I went back to writing and they read a magazine..so whatever.
Ok..so my date arrives....I get up to greet him, we sit down. I try to talk to him but he is very quiet and II was very frustrated and so I rolled my eyes in the direction of the couple.
The couple started to talk to him, at first I was greatful that they got the ball rolling. Upon finding out the guys family owns alot of ranch they proceeded to stick both their heads up his ass for the rest of the evening. Apparently, he does do threesomes because after ignoring me the entire evening he exchanged numbers with them.
I could continue with the story but if you read my blog "Mama teach your Cowboys" should tell you the rest.

Blondes dont like to be redundant or ignored!!

11.10.2007

MaMa TeaCh YouR CowBoyS!!

Just because they have a condom in their wallet,. doesn't mean they will get to use it!

Yes, you can drink scotch like its water..but its not!

You don't have to wear the hat all the time

Cows and Girls are different..they just are!!

11.09.2007

Blonde Moment 113

I keep losing count...
The fondue Gods sent down their wrath. Never break the golden rule of sticking one piece of steak on your fork.
I was tired and hungry so I attempted to add more than one cube of meat to my fork. The third piece is where the God's struck...the fork pierced the last piece of meat all the way through and lodged itself into the palm of my hand.

Blondes lose their appetite at the site of blood!!

11.05.2007

Blonde Beauty Tip #6

If your going to want a little more scrubbing action than your basic loofah, I suggest that little yellow scrub cloth with the red band...found in your dish washing section of the local grocery store. I found, however, that it must be used with extreme care and that gentle scrubbing is best and at all cost avoid the oh so tender nipple area.

If by accident you are overly zealous with tyour scrubbing, one must stop by the first aid isle and pick up the tattoo style band aids with cute graphics on it...no reason not to be fashionable during your time in pain...avoid hugs, tight shirts, and sleep on your back or side until full recovery..

I would be ashamed but Im a blond...

11.01.2007

Drivre traffic to your Blog

Actually I am only interested in driving traffic to my blog...so thanks for the view!!!

Blondes hope for read rage!!
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